Channel 113 is a special "halloween noises " channel tonight and it has been freaking kids out all night. I have deck speakers and one is right by the door. They sort of peek in my doorway like "WTF is going on?"
The whole time I was doing it, gross black stuff was coming out (twss)
It took 2 hrs to carve this damn thing and I'll have to throw it in the woods tomorrow.
At one point it was necessary to say "you are annoying and I'm holding a knife" (special Lorena Bobbitt edition of twss)
~ Carly at 6:07 PM
My 14 year old, trying to open a childproof bottle of vitamins, muttered "Wow, these really ARE hard to open...."
I guess you had to be there.
Also, apparently the girl my son chats with on Club Penguin told him today in class that she's writing a song for him.
The next fight at school will be about the lunch helper handing out expired milk and telling kids to drink it anyway. (In the "if I Only Had a Brain" league, that one there)
~ Carly at 7:04 PM
Edit - I took a picture of the cereal boxes too, and wrote you a note thanking you for making my trip to the supermarket almost bearable... but that vanished into cyberspace, and I deleted the picture without knowing that it never made it to the blog. (Crushing problem, I know...)
~ Carly at 4:56 PM
I just went over 1.5 million dollars on my blackberry game. I'm a whale. Ok, so I need to stop screwing around with this game. That's it.
I'm going to put on that little black dress I bought for the wedding and drive down to Atlantic City tonight.
Oh hell. It's snowing.
~ Carly at 8:53 PM
By request of child number 2, I had to play this clip a few times.
The genius in this (direct link in case you can't view as embedded below) is that each Beaker interacts with the other squares throughout the piece.
Incidentally, my brother in law made fun of my love for Pino Grigio wine once by singing "Pino Grigio" over and over to this tune. That would be the same one who gave me Humphrey as a gift. And my birthday is in a couple of weeks, and I'm scared. Because I don't think he'll give me something benign like this candle top or something cool - ya know what I mean? Not even the books I want. Nnnnnope. I'm doomed.
~ Carly at 7:13 PM
The first icy, bonechilling raw day of winter has arrived in the northeast. .
You know how in the one Christmas cartoon for kids, the cold wind blasts down from the north pole, with big curlique swirls?
It's doing that. Here. Today.
I went out for a quick errand. The sleet/rain was pelting against me and the cold was creeping down my jacket sleeves. The wind was trying to push me back, away from the door I so desperately wanted to reach.
~ Carly at 11:58 AM
Love the new commercial. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AAgj5eKm8kg )
I had to show my daughter the original movie clip with that Scientology freak, to explain why this commercial was so well done ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ilaUVGjMkJo )
She wanted to know why Kobe's shorts are so long, and we can't even see yours when you're on the couch. I sent her to her room.
But thanks for making my day.
So for the sake of this post I need to repeat myself and say I got a new manager yesterday.
Last night I dreamed that I was in a grocery store and trying to find the ground beef. I went over to the back corner, where there was this strange contraption that you could combine things like beef and pork to make your own ground meat.
So I didn't know how to use the machine, of course, but William Shatner was right there.
He attempted to demonstrate using some chicken but it came out all wrong (that's on you, A).
I asked if I could ask just one question about the show, and he allowed it. Can't recall the specifics of that now. It's immaterial. Of course after he responded, without thinking I asked another question, and then in a VERY very WS tone he said "I agreed to answer ONE question." He would then not talk to me any further. How transparent is my subconscious? Geeeez.
There was a whole subplot about a bus to NYC, that I missed. Any second year student in the field of psychology would have a ball with me.
~ Carly at 9:44 AM
~ Carly at 8:14 PM
So I can't wait until the next pta meeting, when I will arrange for someone to call me, so that all of the church ladies can hear my phone ring as follows:
Some days I'm a super bitch
Up to my old tricks
But it won't last forever
Next day I'm your super girl
Out to save the world
And it keeps gettin' better
~ Carly at 7:57 PM
~ Carly at 4:50 PM
At last my blog has achieved a milestone I've been secretly hoping for. I've watched other bloggers and been envious, and I am thrilled that now it"s finally my turn.
I was offered free stuff! All I have to do is review it in my blog! Hey! I always wanted to be JUST LIKE HEATHER. No, I'm kidding. But, free stuff. Awesome.
So I read down a little bit further in the email and the product they asked me to review is... an ENHANCER. Yeah. For the oscar meyer weiner I don't even have. Just what every girl dreams of scoring for free.
So obviously when I stopped laughing I told myself that I'm going to have to pass up that TEMPTING offer. (I won't even pass the link on to y'all because who knows what is even actually on that page.... )
Maybe some day all of my dreams will come true.
P. S. When I was typing up this post I accidentally typed "free stiff" and I almost left that in......
~ Carly at 8:49 AM
For some reason I'm in an insanely good mood today and nothing is rolling it over. Even my clients. (and they ARE trying).
I am happy about how good my BK croissant with egg and cheese was this morning(shut up) and how much I like the new-ish Jason Mraz song, which I repeated 3x on my way to work, and my favorite dragonfly pin.
Ok, so I've gone over the bend. But I'm cheerful. At work. It's so weird.
~ Carly at 11:41 AM
("That's what she said")*
So tonight at the meeting there was an hour long discussion of the side salads the VOLUNTEERS serve when they VOLUNTEER to help with the school lunch program, which is run entirely by unicorns.
And those unicorns volunteer.
To be specific (and some were SO exquisitely specific) the element that makes our program a living nightmare is the lettuce. Depending on who was speaking, the lettuce alone is boring or it is sheer insanity to consider adding ANY other vegetables to keep the lettuce company. (It is a salad mix. The lettuce actually isn't flying solo!!)
There is lettuce around for so long it goes bad -- but somehow simultaneously we are always out of lettuce.
Does your head hurt yet? Mine does. The capper was when someone said that one of the weekend prep people put the lettuce too high in the fridge and jammed it somewhere that it got icy and then mushy.
That would be me, and I hurt my back pulling 10 lb pans of ziti in and out and rearranging things five times and by golllyyy I did shove that last bag of lettuce in there up on top. Because there was no room anywhere else, with all that unicorn food in there.
It just goes to prove my motto:
No good deed goes unpunished.
*i can't stop. (That's what she said.)
~ Carly at 10:26 PM
My back is once again operating pretty much as it normally does. Yeehaw. So, things are getting back to normal.
By "normal" I mean that today at lunch someone brought up Fainting Goats and I heard a secondhand story about Shop Dungarees' plans in the event of someday meeting redheaded twin midgets. (Just shake your head in quiet resigned bemusement along with me. Eat your lunch. ) At least I could laugh without back spasms. Awesome. I have to close this paragraph with one word to bring a joke up ONE last time and wring every last drop of humour out of it: Mahogany.
Yes, people talk. What they say doesn't always make sense. Especially if it's a political debate on national television. Badump bump.
People SAY they respect one another's opinions in this country, which is french for "Oh man, you are such an idiot, and why can't you understand my perfectly logical and correct argument?"
And in that vein, I have a PTA meeting tonight! What fun! I fully support the current team of officers, especially now that I am not one of them... (oh, my grammar is so poor today) ...but I feel an icky meeting coming on because people are so testy about The Election and The Economy and McCrappy Stocks (many now cost only a dollar) and other stuff that all sorts of things lead to bickerfests. My radar usually warns me about an oncoming storm - the funny part is I am always wrong about WHAT gets argued savagely about at these meetings, and it takes me off guard EVERY TIME.
So, I'm going to practice my impression of a fainting goat. Stiffen up, and then fall over. ("That's what she said." )
~ Carly at 5:03 PM
Went to see my friend sing today in a new choir she just joined, and one of their songs was a humourous piece that included the familiar "Bork Bork" of the Sweedish Chef from the Muppets.
My daughter had no idea what I was talking about, so when we got home I went to YouTube and found this just as a starting point.
Man, I miss Jim Henson.
~ Carly at 7:30 PM
~ Carly at 7:30 PM
1. Download a casino game onto your blackberry. Figure out you win on the slot machine 20% of the time. Each time you "win" more cash than you bet, drop down to the minimum bet for the next four spins. Then crank up to a high dollar amount, and within two or three spins win big money. Cry because it's not real money you can have. Smile at the realistic sounds of a slot machine.
2. Go to http://thisissand.com/ (click on the tiny gray box for hints once you get there) and fill up your screen with a sand painting. Very relaxing. Read more at their blog.
3. Go to the craft store to return popsicle sticks that you bought to help the school lunch program differentiate which kids are getting hot meal, turkey sandwich, ham sandwich, etc. Only they didn't want them. But now they get it, and they bought colored popsicle sticks. Instead of asking for the ones I had. Which at least were unopened. AND I STILL HAD THE RECEIPT. Spend next hour or more at said craft store. Buy a Purple Cow Freestyle Mouse cutter. (for scrapbooking and no, I'm exhausted, didn't try it yet)
4. Go to nearby brewing/winemaking supply store looking for dairy thermometer and cheesemaking supplies that they mentioned in the class and find that the owner is chatty and wants to tell you all about making wine. I don't have THAT much spare time. Maybe someday.
5. Blog. This allows you to waste not only your OWN time but that of other people. Bonus! But remember, always use Google reader.
Have a nice weekend.
~ Carly at 10:37 PM
...that cup of tea REALLY was decaf. But oh my god, Dwight birthed a watermelon.
Edit - insomnia is a terrible thing to put on the internet. I got home from choir (back spasms the ENTIRE TWO HOURS ever 10 or 15 minutes...gahhhh) and made a cup of tea to watch the office. I know it SAID decaf on the package. But at 11:30, while I was staring at the ceiling, I didn't think so. And the Office is the greatest show ever.
PS: I'm going to make my kid be Joe the Plumber for halloween.
~ Carly at 11:33 PM
Photo by Toutouke on Flickr . (Please don't sue me, I have NO MONEY. And I damn sure won't make any money from this blog. Peace out. )
~ Carly at 7:50 AM
So a Person I wouldn't normally expect to come to the cafeteria for the sole purpose of keeping me company did today (aka I have formerly referrred to this person as my arch nemesis ...and yet he knew I was going downstairs alone and he showed up five minutes later... with no food, he had eaten at his desk) and then confided that the company has finally broken his spirit, and he just doesn't care anymore. I knew SOMETHING was wrong with him.
Oy. Don't get me wrong, I actually did empathize with him, and the whole "no joy in my work" scene.
I narrowly avoided an uglier topic - I stated in reply to something he said that yes, I think calling Barack "B.O." is, yes, in my mind, obviously racist -- without thinking through that I really DIDN'T want to have that conversation over lunch and have to explain that it's not "just that they're saying he smells, it's a juvenile joke". They're saying he smells. It totally escaped my nondining companion. Right over his head, it did. I really need to remember to keep my mouth shut at times.
He then got in a debate with The Kid about whether it's ok to call politicians stupid. That amazing discourse went on for over 30 minutes. I pointedly said after five minutes "LET'S TALK ABOUT BASEBALL" since it was just the four of us, but Andy and I gave up, more or less laughed at them, (each trying to change the other person's mind when YOU CAN'T DO THAT WITH POLITICS, FOLKS) and discussed iPhone functionality.
I really really want the election to hurry up and be over.
~ Carly at 4:31 PM
Here's a little sample of what I'm trying to remember to watch these days:
I love my dvr.
~ Carly at 7:43 PM
Interesting... "people are voting with their wallets" via buying tshirts for certain candidates... this site ranks the purchases accordingly - cafepress.com
(this is the store that I bought my daughter a "no punchbacks" (volkswagen bug) t-shirt from)
~ Carly at 4:43 PM
~ Carly at 7:23 AM
~ Carly at 9:56 AM
~ Carly at 4:51 PM
Edit: they deleted the video. Must be some pesky copyright issues.
New Kanye video on Ellen (technically, the video's on Perez) will stick in your head but goood
See if you can happen to figure out my favorite line... ;-)
I'm not lovin' you, way I wanted to
I can't keep my cool, so I keep it true
I got somethin to lose, so I gotta move
I can't keep myself, and still keep you too
So I keep in mind, when I'm on my own
Somewhere far from home, in the danger zone
How many times did I take 'fore I finally got through
you lose, you lose
I'm not lovin you, way I wanted to
See I had to go, see I had to move
No more wastin' time, you can't wait for life
which is wastin' time, where's the finish line
I. *HOPE* you all watched the premiere of the new series, "Life on Mars". Finally.... Something different! Fun to see all the retro styling and think about all the technology we have now. A little hard to see the twin towers though (parts of the show are set in 1973 NYC, if you've missed the previews.)
I am hoping the premise/plot doesn't go too far down some of the back roads that Lost has gone on. If someone goes down in a frickin' subway tunnel and turns a wheel and the whole island of Manhattan disappears, Carly will NOT BE AMUSED. .
Icky was very rude at choir tonight pissed that no one updated his book for him. Uh, here's a thought...show up on time and get your own music like the rest of us. ;-)
~ Carly at 11:19 PM
1. You must go here and watch Jeff Dunham's blooper. I missed him when he was in Albany. Damn!!!!!! (Suzy is a huge fan and gave the kids a video for their birthday. There are a few jokes that I hope my son doesn't quite catch... but he's hilarious.)
2. I made a sombrero card for my favorite Amigo and I am so happy that he's doing a bit better. I can't find the phhhhhoto that I took of the card but I'm sure it will turn up tomorrow or the next day. Stay tuned.
3. My mother bought pajamas for her dog. It's very complicated... but (apparently) when you walk a tiny dustmop dog with long white fur the dog gets "too dirty", and so my mother puts pajamas on the pooch so that all of the other neighborhood dogs can cruelly laugh at her when Mom walks her (daily). In discussing this new development at work with Andy we came across this website which sells these:
and, yes, pajamas. That is all for today, kids.
~ Carly at 5:00 PM
I am a little bit better today, it no longer feels like I'm being tasered when I try to do any dog tricks like sit, stand, or roll over. I'm not exactly sure what I did to my back, but I suspect it has something to do with resuming running (I am old) followed by trying to shove 10 lb pans of ziti into a school refrigerator two sizes too small. And juggling and moving the box of apples and the salad mix when I try to make everything fit, and perhaps the Hail Mary I seem to say every Sunday now during this part of the volunteering just wasn't sincere enough through my gritted teeth.
At any rate I am improved enough to be working from home today and experiencing what for me is a truly strange phenomenon. Someone brought a small candy-bar sized box of chocolate covered almonds home from school, left it on the counter. and I Can. Not. Leave. Them. Alone. Every chance I get, I hobble out there and nosh on one while the microwave re-warms my beanie heating pad.
To say the least, this is very unusual for me since all of my life I have endured everything from "that's so weird" to "are you communist?" when I mention that I don't like chocolate. At all.
~ Carly at 12:43 PM
I needed to take a sick day today and when I got tired of squinting at Food tv, I came across Amazing Wedding Cakes. I wouldn't say "Amazing" but it did kill the time.
In short, it follows the progess on cakes at three different custom bakeries:
I hate Cake Divas, Joan seems like a total smug LA bitch to me and holy royal icing she wears way too much makeup. You can see glimpses of how much she and her partner/ coworkers hate each other - it would be more fun to really see some of the catfights.
The Cake Girls seem nice, but don't seem to plan their timing or supporting construction as well as I could, given the many episodes of Ace of Cakes under my belt. Also they let a GROOM order a cake. Hello! (His fiancee freaked TWO DAYS before the wedding. What the hell was she thinking?)
The Cake Atelier owners work in Manhattan and one of the things one owner talked about is how too many wedding cakes are overloaded with detail (right after LA talked about how lavish and over the top is fabulous - heh).
One big stress they deal with is delivering their cakes BY TAXI. In MANHATTAN. I am by no means a pro, but I do a cake now and then. If I bring a cake anywhere, it's on a heavy cakeboard on a beach towel in my lap while Mr drives me, NOT boxed up and transported in a cab. Oy vey.
There are not enough martinis in Manhattan.
~ Carly at 3:42 PM
I was just getting to the good part of Survivor (if there is one, yawn) and my son came home with the Mr.
My son immediately brought me some school papers to sign, bumped into the folding "tv tray" table I was using, and knocked over my glass. Of red wine. All over my new family room rug.
I managed not to swear, but found myself saying his name over and over in one continuous wail of despair. Red freaking wine. On my new rug.
Luckily the Mr. has been drinking tons of club soda lately (to do me a favor by not having Coke or Pepsi in the house, at my insistence) and so about 5 or 6 cans later, the stain seems to be narrowly avoided. Junior washed the five or six towels we used to blot up can after can of soda, as his penance. I know he didn't MEAN it. Aiyeeeeeee.
~ Carly at 8:23 PM
Boring Saturday but I'm making the best of it.
For dinner (alone in my lovely house with a Survivor episode I haven't seen yet) I put Dinosaur bbq sauce, chicken, red onion, and cheddar on a flatbread pizza dough. Not quite as good as I'm sure Suzy's dinner is (she was making a Paula Deen recipe for twice baked potatos that have sour cream, two kinds of cheese, buttah, and SHRIMP mixed in. OMFG. )
There may have been wine around here somewhere.... perhaps...
And I did run today. Not very much, but I walked the mall for 2 hours, and then I walked most of my running route. There were two flimsy sprints that left me red faced and sore, but ya gotta start somewhere.
~ Carly at 6:53 PM
I love, love, LOVE the Yankee Candle store. It's an addiction. I love things that are seasonal like pine trees or autumn smells or florals in the spring. If I go to the mall, I know it won't be long before my feet carry me there.
Today while my teenager was trying to shore up the economy, I went in, intending to spend under $20 to get a box of tealights of some sort, and a couple of votives.
Then I saw Fireside in a large jar, which I haven't seen in years. Cha-ching! They had me.
~ Carly at 3:56 PM
Friday evenings I "let myself" have some wine and cheese and crackers. I'm on my porch but it's chilly! Only 60 degrees.
I am working on yearbook. Look out! I hear these kids are picking at each other and quibbling over everything. Ahh, teens. I have already gotten an email from a parent looking to interferUMMMM offer input.
~ Carly at 5:33 PM
Instead of cooking dinner tonight I just ran.
I am frustrated, angry and discouraged about several things. Things that went on at school and work today. Things that are just WRONG.
I was all but called a liar TWICE for not "admitting" something I didn't even fucking know. I was sick, I wasn't in the loop and then I got crap for it. Twice, dammit.
And I am so worried about my friend, and upset by how complicated and confusing "simple" things can be
Midway through the park, it started to rain, of course. Pelting my face, a cold fall rain - not a warm gentle spring rain, which I love to run in. .
I couldn't do anything except keep running. It was like the universe was in agreement with me: "yeah, this all sucks".
Oddly enough, the rain comforted me. It hid the tears and kept the cheery walkers inside. (The ones with "how have you BEEN??!!" who don't see that today it's "not fucking great, I gotta run" )
And I ran and I ran and pounded it out and now I ache all over, especially my foot, but two minutes from now I will sleep soundly. And I didn't cough ONCE the entire time, until I STOPPED running. So there.
~ Carly at 10:08 PM