I would have lost heart, unless I had believed
That I would see the goodness of the Lord
In the land of the living. -Ps 27:13
Can I just get through this month please?
Thursday I left work somewhat early; I wasn't feeling great. I had a fever spike to 101.6 during the night, and felt lousy all day Friday. Tired, achy, with fever coming and going.
My radiation sites were sore and I called the nurse line and couldn't make up my mind whether to go all the way down to that office, given that I had no energy and I had an appointment with my new primary care doc after lunch.
I was in tears at one point thinking "I just want to be DONE with all of this." I am tired of being sick; I want to feel better and get back to my life. Such a simple thing, but I am about at my limit, and believe me I understand that there are people with much more to deal with for much longer.
My new doctor didn't like the looks of things and did some bloodwork; she called me back at 9:30 to say that my counts weren't good and I probably have cellulitis. Do not google pictures of that on your phone while you are eating a snack, by the way.
She wanted me to go to the ER, to get IV antibiotics. Um, now? Yes. An ER at 10pm on a Friday night? Mr. Carly and I looked at each other and thought that sounded like the most fun EVER. Not. I was kicking myself for not going down to the oncology office IN THE DAYLIGHT.
He suggested I call my radiology oncologist's 24 hour number to see which hospital they recommended. On a Friday night. At 10 pm. When I had just been getting ready to go to SLEEP. So I called.
While I waited for the answering service to contact whoever was on call I started pulling out a few things I might need into a tote bag in case I ended up being admitted for an overnight "vacation". I was seriously dreading a long night ahead.
My favorite doctor in the group - the one that I normally see, he of the big blue eyes, called and cracked me up by announcing himself "hi, it's Todd." Lest you think I am completely smitten with him, my brother in law worked with him for quite a while and so he once remarked to a nurse that Mr. C and I are like family.
I told him my counts and he said Nooooooo you don't need to go to the ER tonight; I can call in a prescription to a 24 hour pharmacy. Ok, so at that point I would have to say I was a little bit smitten.
He said that if my WBC was below a 1 or if I was still in the middle of chemo I might have needed to go in, but he let me off the hook for now with instructions to call back if my fever got out of control.
I waited at home while Mr. C and my darling daughter went to fetch me some bigass Levaquin pills. Then I got to go to SLEEP in my own bed. Bonus.
So I am writing this from my couch, happily; I just woke up a little while with the help of my iphone and took some Tylenol and so far so good. Of course, now I'm wide awake. But the part about MY COUCH makes it ok.
Dear cancer, please leave me alone now. Kthanks.