Going On 40

Hey Mickey!

2012-01-23T18:07:00.001-05:00

Getting very excited about going to Disney with the kids in a few weeks. The band teacher said gift cards are the best way to give them money for meals & snacks (and if you know my son, that's a lotta money...) rather than letting them carry cash.

The other day I got my park hopper pass. (Theirs is part of their band's tour package... I'm sort of tagging along...)

I have even found a ride that appeals to me (Soarin' - an IMAX hanglider tour of California. Awesome. )

Let's do this!

Click

2012-01-19T22:42:00.001-05:00

iPhone plus Hipstamatic app plus random settings plus cold winter night plus railroad crossing plus a little motion when I "clicked the shutter". Oh wait, I tapped a piece of glass... Potato, potahhhto.

I really like this, for no other reason than, I just do.

So YOUR assignment for this weekend is to do something you like, just because you do.

(Oh, and to watch Alcatraz because it's excellent. Saturday. Fox. )

Good morning

2012-01-19T08:21:00.000-05:00

Freezer today, still not much in the way of snow here this winter. This is a shot of my favorite farm this morning

I have been enjoying being a little bit "bored" this week in the evenings. Kinda nice to just chill after the Christmas mayhem.

Going to the Pink Zone game again tomorrow; it was so much fun last year.

I love awards season

2012-01-15T21:36:00.001-05:00

These are some of my favorite dresses from tonight's red carpet. The fact that I don't look quite this lovely right now might have something to do with chocolate covered strawberries and graham crackers.

Nom nom nom

2012-01-15T20:55:00.001-05:00

Yummy.

Fondue time!

2012-01-15T20:47:00.001-05:00

One of the funniest things about chemo is this: I never liked chocolate when I was growing up. Now, I do. This is from Nostalgia Electrics, and we love it. It's the perfect size for 24 oz bag of chips.

The most wonderful time of the year

2012-01-14T03:52:00.000-05:00

Is not Christmas. Too much work.

(kidding , somewhat)

But I really love awards season. Love to dish the beautiful dresses and the hairdos and jewelry. Even though I almost never see a movie, I definitely look forward to the Golden Globes and the Oscars.

If you are on twitter and following me, I apologize for the amount of chatter I will be doing Sunday night. Somehow we're going to watch football AND pretty dresses. I hope.

By the way, I like the E! Red Carpet iPhone app. Plenty of pictures of the good, the bad, and the odd ballerina variations. We're about due for one.

Absolutely

2012-01-04T22:54:00.001-05:00

I am definitely buying this* for when I go to Disney next month**. Although I'm disappointed they put me on some sort of Hootchie mailing list.

*I'm not buying this

**I'm going to Disney! I am chaperoning a school band trip. Sort of. And getting an extra day for myself before AND after said chaperoning. Very excited about my quality time a-l-o-n-e. I mean, being with my kids at Disney.

(seriously, how did I ever get on the mailing list for this catalog?)

Happy happy new year

2011-12-31T23:53:00.001-05:00

Two years ago I was all about the happy, happy fight (look in my archives if you weren't with me back then...) which of course wasn't all that happy but I sucked it up and got through it.
Now that cancer is behind me --hopefully, for good -- I feel a quiet, calm, happiness.

I saw Johnny Virgil and Shamus the other day for lunch...Shamus was drunk or something and went to the wrong place at first (oh, I kid..) and while Johnny and I were waiting I mentioned I don't blog all that much anymore because I'm so much happier, and I don't need it the way I used to.

There was a point in time at my old job when I knew I just shouldn't be there anymore, but I was waiting for that severance package. I got my summer off, and the kids and I had a great time.
(then of course I got sick, and it sucked. But I'm doing well now! Thank you, New York Oncology )

But before I finally actually left The Big Stupid Bank, I was SO unhappy. The people I worked with most were on a very different wavelength than I was, and a bunch of other things made me very unhappy most of the time. I would type and type a bunch of stuff here on a regular basis, and it helped.

I have learned quite a bit more about how to take charge of my own happiness, and speak up for what I want and need. I'm excited about the coming year ( I'm going to be an auntie again! I'm going to Disney!) and beyond.

So I guess what I'm saying is, don't give up. If things kinda suck, hang in there, it will get better. Do what you need to do to get by.

I may or may not post as much here anymore, but I am still on twitter (as Carlyq80) so please feel free to follow me and laugh at the dumb things I tweet.

Happy new year. We once again watched Holiday Inn and new years rockin' eve And hey wow, Dick Clark is orange!!!

Xo
Carly

Merry Christmas

2011-12-24T05:53:00.001-05:00

Loving the new Hipstamatic foodie snap pack.

Ahead for today... Lasagna for tonight, mini quiches for tomorrow, plus other prep for the big meal (20 people squeezing into my house! Aieeeeeeee. )

Oh- and eating MANY cookies while I make up a cookie box for Stanley.

Where are You, Christmas

2011-12-22T04:55:00.001-05:00

Two years ago today, I received a phone call that no one wants, especially at Christmas time. Sitting in my car in a store parking lot, unemployed, exhausted, and afraid, I listened to the doctor who had done my first biopsy tell me that I did have breast cancer after all, and I needed another biopsy on the other breast, based on the MRI that I'd had. I went home and cried, and 800 miles away, my sister woke from a sound sleep after her night shift and called me. The holiday crumbled around me, but I got through it and the months of treatments that followed.

Now, after a "clean" checkup yesterday, I can enjoy this Christmas.

No trying to keep the kids from overhearing things. No crying in mass, looking down from the choir loft at a friend holding her grandson.

The lyrics of this song really get to me. It's the arc from despair to "getting it", summed up in one neat little package. The devastation and shock I felt was eased by the friends and family who gathered around me to take care of me and "love me through it" (Can. Not. Listen. To. That. Song. Cannot.)

It was a long bumpy road after that phone call two years ago, and I try to leave most of it in the past, but I'm still mentally processing things here and there.

(as an example, yesterday I finally met someone who had helped me put together my team of superhero doctors. She's a colleague of my brother in law, and I spoke to her several times two years ago, but never face to face. She got me in with the best surgeon in the area, and my two oncologists that I adored and felt complete confidence in. And so, on meeting her? I burst into tears and hugged her. She rolled with it though. )

I will be the first to admit that I was kind of a pain in the ass "before", prone to selfishness, drama and whining, and I like to believe/ hope that chemo killed off at least a little bit of my worst character traits, in addition to some rogue cells that were growing out of control.

What I took away from 2010, leaving behind the suckage of the memories of certain individual events as much as possible, was a strong appreciation for the every day, for the beauty of ordinary things and moments, and most of all for the people who are love me and are kind to me. Every checkup, despite being a stressful and frightening flashback-filled time, renews the gratitude and the personal goal to be a better, more loving and giving human being. And what better time of year than now for that?

Merry Christmas!!

Where are you Christmas

Where are you Christmas
Why can't I find you
Why have you gone away
Where is the laughter
You used to bring me
Why can't I hear music play

My world is changing
I'm rearranging
Does that mean Christmas changes too

Where are you Christmas
Do you remember
The one you used to know
I'm not the same one
See what the time's done
Is that why you have let me go

Christmas is here
Everywhere, oh
Christmas is here
If you care, oh

If there is love in your heart and your mind
You will feel like Christmas all the time

I feel you Christmas
I know I've found you
You never fade away
The joy of Christmas
Stays here inside us
Fills each and every heart with love

Where are you Christmas
Fill your heart with love

use this link if the one above doesn't work.... http://youtu.be/nmGSHZYZ74c

Busy busy

2011-12-19T20:54:00.001-05:00

Making cookies (maple syrup and butter form the base for these cutout cookies. Yum)

Shot with my Hipstamatic for iPhone
Lens: Loftus
Flash: Off
Film: DC

Tick tock

2011-12-18T09:50:00.001-05:00

So much to do... And trying not to think about my next scheduled checkup with my oncologist this week because It Should Be Fine.

I have a little bit of residual anxiety because two years ago, I was sailing along in my holiday plans, (kinda like now) had all my shopping done, (kinda like now) and then BLAMMO.

Deja vu. But not, hopefully.

Sundown

2011-12-09T23:34:00.001-05:00

The winter afternoons rush by quickly. Five or ten minutes can be a big factor in whether or not I can take a decent photo of the sunset. (I took this through the screen windows of my porch which gave it instant texture. Maybe I'll carry around a screen window. Heh. )

Winter makes me discouraged and sad... It's a lonely- feeling time. Blah.

Bean counter wreath

2011-12-08T22:35:00.001-05:00

I had a little bit of fun making a wreath for my husband's office - it's one of a kind, which is probably a good thing.
For the record, I was asked to do this... And he likes it. Hey Mikey!

Kids... That orange square is an ancient jump drive. (Just saying.) There's also some of that green paper with special lines that we had to use before Excel. We had to do MATH back then. But we had calculators that were JUST calculators, just like the one on this wreath. Mechanical pencils, highlighters... Good stuff.

Ok, random old stuff from the supply room! Fine!!

ch-ch- check me out

2011-12-08T12:46:00.002-05:00

This is interesting... I'll need to play around with it some more, after the holidays.

Flavors.me

It's a Wonderful Life

2011-12-07T00:35:00.002-05:00

.... if you don't have to get up early in the morning for work. And I do.

but tonight I went to a photography group MeetUp at a dress rehearsal of a local production of "It's a Wonderful Life"... I loved the vintage clothing, and I'm really enjoying my new camera (I took almost 300 photos... with my little baby lens that came with the camera... I felt definite envy looking around at some of the amazing zoom lenses!)

You can check out about 30 HERE:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/93483329@N00/sets/72157628314681191/

(dear blogger, why is it so damn hard to make a working link???)

I'm partial to a couple of these that I just HAD to put in black and white...

And so

2011-12-05T22:04:00.001-05:00

I also made a couple of things for ME. I could have been writing out Christmas cards. Oh well. I can do those ::::looks at ridiculously crowded calendar::: Sunday maybe.

Michael's is having a sale

2011-12-05T19:52:00.001-05:00

Mr. Carly texted me today asking if I would buy a wreath for his office, and maybe a small tree. That is DEFINITELY not a problem for me. Especially when everything is half price.

Time

2011-12-02T20:13:00.001-05:00

...to put the last trace of turkeys away... This tealight holder is my new favorite thing today.

Brrr

2011-12-02T07:37:00.001-05:00

I am grateful that I have a car, and off-street parking. But daaaaaaamn. It's cold.

Lincoln

2011-12-01T09:16:00.001-05:00

I happened to be at a very small gathering recently. I was invited to
stop by an old friend's house for a glass of wine before another
event. There were a few people there; we sat in the living room by a
warm fire while appetizers were passed. I sipped chardonnay and
congratulated myself for shedding my laundry and cooking chores for an
evening of "me time".

As the conversation went on the man sitting next to me with his wife
shared a story or two, and in my tiny little brain I began to realize
that he was Someone. (I don't have any formal music education or
background, so I confess to not having the faintest idea who he was.
But I have learned that when the universe is trying to get your
attention, it's a good idea to just shut up and listen! )

And then one thing lead to another, and he was coaxed over to the
piano. It was a baby grand, and he noticed instantly that it was out
of tune, but I never would have known, listening to him. He toyed
with us at first, transposing Chopsticks. Woah. My friend's face said
to me, "yes, he's quite good, isn't he?"

Then he played another piece. It was only a few measures, but it was
WONDERFUL. Exquisite. Piano the way piano was meant to be played,
transcendant levels above my pecking out of bits and pieces of alto
lines I'm struggling to learn for church. It's likely that it was some
Gershwin. Sadly, I couldn't tell you WHAT he played, but I will
remember HOW he played.

HIs name is Lincoln Mayorga.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lincoln_Mayorga is just a sampling of his
extensive background and states that he has worked with Sam Cooke. Mel
Torme. Streisand. Andy Williams. Amazing.

Google him. Watch him on YouTube, instead of whatever the hell that
idiot Tosh is talking about today. You'll be glad you did.

So now, when I am wandering around my house, doing whatever
Cinderella-like task it is I have to do on a given day*, at times I
will be listening to Lincoln play, thanks to the magic of iTunes. I
recommend "A Bouquet of Familiar Classics", and also some of his
Gershwin pieces, which you will easily find there (on iTunes) -
Summertime, is, of course, one of the first ones I purchased. Even *I*
am familiar with that one.

* (boo hoo. Poor me. Not. Beats sitting on a couch dealing with chemo,
any day. Just a reference to his work at Disney...)

Words fail me

2011-11-28T16:03:00.001-05:00

Every year I post some of the most bizarre things that I see in catalogs.

Be careful*, everyone, hoodie-footies have gone wild. (really? They call them that?? Really???)

*Don't let that unfortunate private zoo incident get you down ... Just stroll right out to the mailbox in your leopard print hoodie footie. No one will shoot you. Probably not, anyway.

And, the bunny is not even sexy on this skinny photoshopped model. I think if I wore it my family would be incontinent laughing...while they booked me some time with an experienced psychiatrist.

I love a parade

2011-11-26T21:43:00.003-05:00

I'm a little partial to this one which is not of the parade at all of course, but that's just me...odd, I know. But I like me the way I am, and if you don't, well, you can just wander on off into the internets, can't you?

Anyway, you can browse a few of my parade photos in the set by clicking here.

I love, love love LOVE my new camera. It's fairly easy to change settings around on the fly, and the ISO goes to 6400. So I can take nighttime parade photos without blinding everyone constantly with useless flash. (cough, cough, pet peeve, cough cough)

I'm actually playing Christmas music

2011-11-25T19:54:00.002-05:00

... and if you know me, that is NOT how I normally proceed the day after thanksgiving. Really. Trans-Siberian Orchestra. M.e.

I got myself a couple of goodies online today... I booked my tickets to FLORIDA in February :::cue the cheering::::: and got myself some accessories for my new camera (they will be Christmas gifts from my mother, who declared that no one buys cameras anymore because they just use their cell phone. ) I got myself a nice camera strap ( I don't need CANON in 3" high letters all the time, something nicer like this ....) and something that goes on the strap that you can click your lens cap into, since I set mine down all the time.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

Thankful

2011-11-22T23:33:00.001-05:00

For my cool children and nieces and nephews (two of each plus one more in the oven!)

For every day I get to put my feet on the floor and stumble off to work at a fun/easy job where people like me. :)

For my new camera which I'm going to really fire up this week - turkeys! And this weekend - holiday parade !! 6400 ISO !!! Yeeeehah!!!

For a somewhat unexpected infusion of cash that lets me pay off some of my "cancer debt"!!!!!

And so much more.

Meet my new best friend

2011-11-19T11:26:00.001-05:00

I'm sure you'll be seeing a lot from ...her?

Happy Friday

2011-11-18T14:29:00.004-05:00

Both of my kids have dates tonight. (It's the Sadie Hawkins dance, where the ladies invite the gentlemen, and a senior has invited my son, who is in... 9th grade.... ::::thud::::)

These, however, are not for them. cough cough cough MINE cough cough

I'll be playing with my NEW CAMERA... I gots me a Canon Rebel, after years of wanting one. Wheeeeeee!!!!!

See?

2011-11-14T23:12:00.000-05:00

Warmer. Bokeh. Insomnia. Two out of three ain't bad.

Picfx

2011-11-14T23:10:00.001-05:00

Picfx is my app of the day. You can add texture (peeling paint, shown here, or several others), bokeh, frames... It's pretty cool for when you want to take a simple image and get creative.

11-11

2011-11-14T09:06:00.001-05:00

So my friend just reminded me that I have a blog... It's been busy, with birthdays and traveling to Pitt for my niece's baptism.

At 11:11 am on 11/11/11 (damn, I wrote that the British way didn't I?) I was sewing some lace on a little camisole so that the baby could wear it under her gown.

(Or, to keep from engaging my mother in any sort of argument.

She rode with us, and was pretty well behaved, but just got a little bit anxious at the end of each drive. )

Buy this

2011-11-04T20:24:00.001-04:00

Logitech has their shit together. It took less than ten minutes to set up this remote for my tv, DVD, and dvr.

No pointing at devices and turning things on and off and cursing. Nope. You USB this to your computer and type the model numbers onto a webpage and it just works. It JUST WORKS.

A mere $30 really can buy you happiness. Happy birthday to me! Well, next week, but whatever. :)

Growing pains

2011-11-04T09:35:00.000-04:00

My daughter has her first boyfriend, and all the angst and drama is killing me. Sobs and "but I haven't seeeeen him since ...." - I have tried explaining how far down that is on my list of priorities, but whatever.

To give you a hint as to how the rest of my day is going:

This morning I drove up to an ATM. Rolled my window down, put in my card.

I told the ATM that I want to conduct my business in ENGLISH PLEASE and it once again pretended to save those preferences. (every damn time... sigh...)

I got $60. Magic. Me likey. But I got my card back and still had a check to deposit.

Went to put the card in again and it slipped out of my fingers (no doubt from all the ATM cooties on them) and bounced... Under. My. Car.

By this point of course there was someone behind me. Waiting. Watching.

I pulled forward and by some miracle he didn't... Got my stupid card and stood there, trying to deposit. The atm spit an envelope out (the last time I was there, THAT shot out so hard it fell under my car. I'm clearly not smart enough for this whole process.)

I then found out that it helps if you DON'T hit "continue" before typing any dollar amount for your deposit, by the way. Transaction denied! Got my card back.

So I had to put the card in AGAIN, the ATM shot out ANOTHER envelope (which I struggled to put in the old envelope bin-- by that point I wanted to tear it to pieces and throw them up in the air all over myself like lunatic confetti, just for the benefit of the poor bastard waiting for me to finish).

Finally I got my tax refund check deposited. Yes, you read that right. Just. Don't. Ask.

If you need me I'll be hiding behind Seuss for the rest of the day.

Ta dah

2011-11-02T09:30:00.000-04:00

They said I wouldn't get flowers here in the test lab. Excuse me, I have to to tape some pencils together to stake this up. (do ya love my magnet? I do)

Whack

2011-10-19T08:33:00.000-04:00

This all started last fall... Our company had an earth day celebration on someone on my team won the flowerpot and a box of flowers that allegedly draw butterflies.

Since I sit under the skylight (thank god, the Droids don't like the lights on in here as you can see) I was nominated to try to grow something. This is round two or three; previous efforts have yielded a bloom or two.

This sucker grows about 3-4" in height every day lately. We're scared. I think it looks a little bit Seuss-ical. The guys are threatening me with scissors. I am well aware they see it as just a giant weed. But it's a funny weed. Not that kind of funny weed ...nevermind.

Bloom dammit!!!

Healing

2011-10-18T06:34:00.001-04:00

Cancer is a strange beast. Not only for what it does to your body, but what it does to your mind.

Now that breast cancer is so much more openly discussed, women can support and educate one another and that's good. It's so helpful when dealing with all of the emotions, to know that someone really does understand how it feels to get that call, to lose your hair, and so on.

But it can also bring envy, followed by guilt. Because breast cancer can be diagnosed earlier, there is no one standard outcome once you've gotten that call. You might need a mastectomy, but you might not. I was able to have just two lumpectomies(one on each breast; I had four tumors in all).

Right out of the gate, I felt a little bit guilty, because my friend's wife was recovering from a mastectomy and she had those awful j-drains to deal with. So while I could barely lift either arm, (due to the sentinel lymph node biopsies on each side) who was I to bitch about it? Some people have the full set axial nodes removed -- everything under each armpit. As it is, I have weird lumps and craters, but no real signs of lymphedema.

The confusing and unattractive emotions can flow the other way as well. When I meet someone who "only" had surgery and radiation but no chemotherapy, I can't help but feel a flash of jealousy that she didn't have the months of stomach problems, fingernails breaking off... And the hair loss. That one's huge, obviously.

I write all of this because these same ugly feelings were triggered by news that Giuliana Rancic is being treated for breast cancer.

I have not ever really been a huge fan of hers; she's just another skinny pretty Hollywood entertainment reporter to me. I don't mean that to be as bitchy as it sound; I'm sure she's funny and loving and works hard at her career and so on.

But when I read the article that I saw yesterday I couldn't help but initially react with "pfffft. You're not having chemotherapy! You just have to lie on the table every day for six weeks. Be grateful."

It comes from me being sad that if MY mammogram had been a week or month sooner, every step of the followup and treatment would have been sooner, and maybe those cells would not have slipped out away from the main tumor and into a nearby lymph node. A week or a month probably could have made a world of difference in whether I needed to have chemotherapy.

And yet... I had a less aggressive pattern (4x3 weeks) than some who receive eight treatments, one every two weeks. I cant imagine how that would have destroyed my stomach.

And, of course, I lived.

It took longer than I wanted to feel like I was back to "normal" (for me at least... I know you're thinking that ) BUT I LIVED.

So we as fellow survivors must always remember to temper our reactions and be aware that they are affected by our own story. My chemo shouldn't be a badge of honor I use to snub someone and say "you have nothing to complain about - look what *I* went through." At the same time, people need to understand that a survivor can feel these natural emotions, and needs to deal with them in a productive manner.

I need to forgive myself for that sad envy when it crops up, and work through it to be more compassionate.

I wish for Ms. Rancic nothing but a 100% successful course of treatment. I'm tremendously sad for her that this is prolonging her struggle with infertility, and realize that this news is terrifying and devastating to her and will interrupt her entire life for a few months. She will be scared and exhausted and discouraged and hopefully her skin will tolerate the radiation fairly well and not burn too badly or get infected. It will still be a big bag of crap for her to deal with.

I honestly am happy that she doesn't need chemo, which I assume would further rob her of the ability to try to conceive, and yet I just wish I didnt have the sad asterisk of my own story ("I'm glad she won't have to have chemo LIKE I DID BECAUSE OMGZ IT SUCKED.")

And, of course, most of all, I hope she kicks cancer's ass just like I did. I hope she embraces the loving support of her family and friends, and that carries her through until her treatments are behind her, and on into the future.

We need to all be kind to one another, and support one another, and remember that this beast can ravage not only our bodies, but also our hearts and minds.

Almost two years after my fateful mammogram, I'm still healing.

Today

2011-10-17T17:20:00.000-04:00

In the middle of running about 12 errands on the way home I noticed the sky and the trees in the cemetery.

Click, click, click; I wish I could spend an hour here. (The people here sure are nice and quiet. I could use a leeeetle peace and quiet. Maybe not this much. )

Embracing autumn

2011-10-16T19:29:00.000-04:00

I'm not a huge fan of autumn. Closing up my porch, putting away flip-flops for the winter... Yucky. And don't get me started on Halloween ... I have to go buy five bags of candy sometime soon.

But yesterday I made cookies. These are tiny, and have itty bitty spider candies that apparently were meant for cupcakes, because they melted on most of the cookies. Bleak. This was the only good one.

Time to start thinking about carving my pumpkins. I have kids who tell me they come to see what I've carved each year, so I hate Halloween 2% less every time that happens.

I'm thinking at least one pumpkin will be an angry bird. Or a pig.

Burning up

2011-10-11T06:47:00.003-04:00

In Pittsburgh this past weekend, I spent most of my time kissing my sweet little niece.

I did come across a family festival though... and after dark, I wandered back to photograph the bonfire, but forgot when I heard bongo drums and saw that there were a bunch of what I will call hippies or gypsies, (I don't know really, don't mean to be ignorant, they all seemed to be barefoot with dreadlocks.) They were performing with fiery swords, rings, and so on. The air reeked of kerosene, and the first three rows arranged on the grass were all of those kids.... I'm not sure who thought this would be a great idea.

One performer wandered up near the front of the grassy "stage", held up a helium balloon, and a small flame, and then he did THIS:

That was about enough for me, but I didn't see parents saying "Ok, time to go".

Sadly, the performers did not seem successful when they attempted to pass the bucket and collect a few donations.

Pink strands

2011-10-06T10:03:00.001-04:00

Hairdressers are adding a single pink strand for their clients this month, in return for a donation to breast cancer research.

Mine had pink strands, and also saved me a feather. I like it, it's different and not too pink ribbon-y, and I can show it more or less depending on how I mess up my hair. It's a little less red than it looks here. Hopefully it will be a conversation starter.

Most eloquent tweet for Steve Jobs

2011-10-05T22:19:00.001-04:00

We never met, yet I stand beside members of this giant playground that you discovered for us. We use it every day, never tiring of the sand.

http://twitter.com/DiannaAgron/status/121768469883654144

Documenting a decade

2011-10-02T20:27:00.003-04:00

Over the summer I submitted a photo for a new exhibit at the NY State museum - it's now on display - I didn't even realize it but a friend let me know yesterday. I'm honored.

You can read more about the exhibit here.

(The photo appears in the upper right of my blog header; it's the sky and clouds reflected in one of the new World trade Center buildings. I took it in September 2007 when I was down in NYC on a business trip. )

There is a collage of photos, which you can see here, and they apparently cycle through on a large monitor alongside the collage. My name is displayed when my photo is on the monitor. I'm hoping to get there myself to see it this week but of course the week ahead is CRAZY.

October again

2011-10-01T06:30:00.004-04:00

'Tis October, time of a million pink ribbons. And I have a complex relationship with the pink ribbons. They're bright, loving, supportive things... but they bring up dark memories for me. People buy them and think they've done enough, and move on to other things, and sometimes when you buy a pink ribbon item NO money actually makes it to benefit breast cancer research in any way. And sometimes when I see one, I think about that phone call and the pain and the loneliness and fear. So you won't often see me wear a pink rubber bracelet. Once in a while. But sometimes I just want to FORGET ever having cancer, and all the bad stuff, and just focus on gratefully getting back to the life cancer interrupted.

But the awareness raised by the Komen group is a large part of why I got my mammogram even though I was unemployed and lonely and depressed. I went and got my annual checkup, and that probably saved my life, because my cancer had already spread one tiny evil smidge into my lymph nodes.

I am almost ready to celebrate 2 years of "being a survivor". (Veteran, is how a socially prominent woman in my area describes herself. I kind of like that.)

While I have come to realize that I consistently say "I was sick" and allude to being on chemo, and I have trouble saying "I had breast cancer treatments last year", I still try to talk to people about my experience, and say GO AND GET YOUR CHECKUP.

I came across a wonderfully funny writer on Twitter, and she created a website called Band Back Together. People write about the things that they survive, and get support and understanding from the BBT community.

I wrote a "story about myself" when I was getting ready for my television interview. Unfortunately, that tv interview seems to have hit the cutting room floor and I don't think it will air. But who knows? It's October now. It might. What I want people to get out of it is (say it with me ) GO AND GET YOUR CHECKUP.

At any rate, you can read the entire Band post here, and the title may be familiar to a few of my longtime readers. I wrote it to encourage people newly diagnosed who come to the Band looking for support. (I was most touched by the wonderful supportive comments that you will find at the bottom.)

(http://www.bandbacktogether.com/happy-happy-fight-910 if the link above doesn't work).

Gotta go, time for a Komen walk.

An idea

2011-09-30T19:52:00.003-04:00

My friend at work has seen some of my photos, (because I made a calendar with some of my favorite scenic shots and used it last year at work) and suggested today that I should make a calendar and sell it, with intents of donating the proceeds to Komen, or CRAAB (a local group).

I'm on the fence (the mechanics of it all, how would I accept orders and the money and so on... I don't want to end up with a pile of calendars and I don't really want shipping costs... ) So I don't know. I will think about it over the next week or two. At the very least I will make one for myself, which I do every year anyway, and perhaps order a few more for a couple of friends.

So tonight I went through all of my iphone photos from this year. I am very happy with how some of them have come out. This picture is a bike I saw over the summer. I like that it says "Stella". :)

Validation

2011-09-27T23:37:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I entered this image in the Flickr pool for a Pioneer Woman assignment. I love her blog, and her limited run show on the Food Network. (Blink and you'll miss it - only one or two episodes remain.)

My image wasn't exactly on target with Ree's assignment. She gave us the original photo of Charlie and asked us to edit creatively - but her instructions allude to photoshop, and I used iPhone apps.

I still had fun, and I like the variations I did, but I am bummed that I probably won't be one of the submitted photos she features on her blog over the next day or two. Still, almost 200 people have taken a closer look on Flickr. So we will call that a win? Or a draw.

(And yes, I know flicker is about 100,000 years old in Internet years and I do have an instagram account, but the assignment was to put it on Flickr. And I know that Ree gets many, many photos added to her assignments pool. It's ok. )

So. This evening I exchanged comments over twitter with a local news anchor. We have discussed Dancing with the Stars more than once, and tonight she asked if I was interested in doing a guest column one week for her blog, recapping the show. Hell yeah! I am looking forward to that.

Of course, it means I might have to link my "real me" name with my CarlyQ80 id, which was really more of an old joke that only a few of my friends understand.

Once upon a time I picked the name of a soap opera character I liked, (Carly quartermaine on GH as originated by the amazing Sarah Brown) and threw on 80 to make a unique id, and I've used it for about 15 years now for various message boards like Fans of reality TV and things like Flickr and instagram.

Hmmm. Maybe I should tell my husband I've been blogging since 2005? Yikes. Maybe we just won't mention this blog to the world in the DWTS piece. Shhh. Our little secret.

Taken by carlyq80 http://www.flickr.com/photos/93483329@N00/6186427501

Sunday evening

2011-09-25T20:06:00.000-04:00

During the school year I find that Sunday evening is the most stressful.

All of the things I wanted to organize and clear out, the projects I wanted to start, the "I brought home work too and still need to do it" and grocery and laundry and aaaaagh. On top of that the things the kids need for school like lunch money and forms and so on.

September is also hard because we have TWO birthdays to celebrate. Only one day apart. I'm torn between feeling badly that I might not have done enough for the kids, and being sad that they just want a few friends over for pizza and a bonfire anyway. No more theme cakes and bounce houses or even printed invitations.

But I am thankful that we were spared by Irene. I heard from two friends this weekend and it makes the chores a little less onerous when you think about living with a friend for a month now because you had five feet of water in your house, or waiting STILL for the insurance company to give you money when you are basically homeless.

People don't mean to ignore you, I told my friend. They may not realize what you're going through and how completely your life has been turned upside down.

Tonight while I try to sort this all out in my brain, I am sitting on my porch listening to my fountain and working until MY homework gets done.

Dear Instagram

2011-09-23T09:08:00.001-04:00

(see full image)

You use to save my random photos to my phone, so I could have a copy WITH the funky special effects. Now with this new release, you don't.

Bummer.

The weekend is over already?

2011-09-18T19:14:00.004-04:00

So

all in all it was not a bad weekend. But I'm feeling stressed out in a way that I can only describe as "this is how I felt when I used to work at that bank."

I was supposed to work from home on Friday. I brought the work home, and a laptop. And didn't do the work. (There was a thing with the kitchen sink, and a plumber, and the day just got less productive from there... and then the whole weekend did... and then there was a football game... and a wedding... See me, right now, still not doing the work? See me editing this post four times? I'm stopping now. )

There were a hundred little things that I *DID* do this weekend....

navigate tense family conversations - always fun. Enough said.
try to plan part of an upcoming trip and then almost immediately change the hotel reservations, which took TWO phonecalls, not just one... (Dear Marriott, you suck, your call center in India SUCKS, and I bring lots of baggage to that one - see what I did there? - so I will stop now. )
go to a very unusual wedding, and the upside of that one was lots of hugs from long lost cousins and some GREAT STORIES. (Do you read my twitter feed?)
drive my daughter to Timbuktu to her boyfriend's dad's house (where his Italian grandmother flipped me off and swore at me in Italian and then said "Bye." Ciao to you too, ya old bat)
type the lunch form, ask myself why I agreed to do it one more year,
get my own groceries / wander around a store I don't usually go to and take twice as long to find everything
get stuff to decorate cupcakes this weekend
mop the skeeeevy bathroom floors, do some laundry,
plan a double birthday party, worry about my son's best friend with peanut allergies because the decorations I bought are not "allergy OK"...
drive by my beautiful friend ... I always manage to see her running when I am feeling worst about my lack of exercising...
are you tired yet? I am. Did I mention how crappy I slept last night? Oh. Clearly, I can't drink two glasses of wine in one evening anymore. It's just bad for me. So why do I keep doing it? Spent a lot of time on this one, with That Voice in my head being very mean.

I am being very hard on myself tonight, on many fronts hinted at above, and also feeling very discouraged because my mother is rattling on how her fall cleaning is almost done, and I'm barely treading water on that front. Icky. Icky bad messy house.

The wonderful Jen of Epbot / Cake Wrecks blogs posted the picture above, and what she wrote made me feel so much better. I'm here. I'm not "really" sick anymore, just not in great shape. But I'm here. I need a hug though.

Fall is here

2011-09-16T21:56:00.000-04:00

And so is Friday night football, under the lights.

Digital fun

2011-09-16T10:24:00.003-04:00

This is an example of my new pasttime... I look through the specials on Designer Digitals and Two Peas and add to my collection, and then use the elements to make collages of photos of my adorable niece, or graduation / vacation / life / etc. Fun! and the only clutter is on my hard drive. I usually start with a template, (like in the top row, on the right) then tweak sizes and locations of photos and objects.

I have a backlog of "real" (printed) photos and supplies to work on them... just a different way to enjoy the hobby.

A little AB on a Sunday morning

2011-09-11T08:01:00.001-04:00

I love Alton Brown - his quirky sense of humor, his geek approach to cooking (clearly the man is VERY smart), the Henson- like quality of his cooking shows with costumes and puppets and....anyway.

I am loafing in bed (ok, I'm hiding under the covers trying not to think about possible attacks today related to 9/11) and I replied to something he said a little while ago on Twitter, as you can see in this photo, and HE. ANSWERED. ME.

I was holding my phone at the time, looking through TIME archives of 9/11 photos, and AB's reply popped up on my screen as a text message. There's something delightfully fun about having a celebrity you really like be aware of your presence in the universe for a passing moment.

Roll your eyes, go ahead. It's ok... I get it. But surely, there is some celebrity or athlete or singer or SOMEONE you would love to get a text message from.

So this print screen will go in my scrapbook along with a reply from Ree Drummond from about a year ago. (If you're saying "Who?" then you need to check out The Pioneer Woman's cookbook!)

And I know it's an important anniversary in the history of our country, and I DO love NY, especially having been born there. But everyone remembers in their own way, and life is made up of all sort of things, both large and small, and this made me smile today.

A beautiful day

2011-09-08T19:06:00.004-04:00

Today was a very good day.

I got some wonderful news. Some of it I can't share with you yet, but some I can. (My surgeon says I appear to be doing very well, no signs of any problems at all, and she pointed out that I am really almost at the TWO year mark of being a survivor, since my diagnosis was in December 2009. Heck, I really love that woman. ) I saw a woman at the doctor's office and overheard enough to know that her surgery is tomorrow, and she is batshit scared. I wanted to hug her and say "You have the most wonderful surgeon around these parts... breathe...you can do this." but there are hippa laws, and people don't always take kindly to strange women barging up and hugging them. So for now I am keeping my efforts contained to friends, and friends of friends, who I find myself (happily) sharing my story with more and more often.

The sun came out...we are having more horrible flooding in upstate NY but if the SUN STAYS WITH US maybe the floods will end soon.

I treated myself to a visit to Starbucks, and that made me very happy ;-)

And speaking of visits... I am going to see the most adorable baby ever, very soon, not once but TWICE this fall. I am craving those baby giggles and endless games of peekaboo.

To see a few of my other Cape Cod / Nantucket photos, please go to Flickr.

In the garden

2011-09-03T10:10:00.000-04:00

As small as my so-called "gardening" is in scale, it makes me so happy. It calms me and clears my mind of things I shouldn't be dwelling on.

Like more storms. More bills. Less summer.

Hold on...

2011-08-27T13:07:00.002-04:00

We are prepping for Irene. Way to come back from a nice vacation. I really wanted to stay at Cape Cod, well... forever... but especially this weekend that just really isn't practical.

I'm underwhelmed... I really don't want to jinx myself by elaborating. But hopefully the worst of it misses us, ( just as it currently appears that it will. )

Out of office message

2011-08-22T20:45:00.001-04:00

We are sorry, no one is here to take your call. Please leave a message and we will get back to you as soon as possible. Beep!

What a week

2011-08-20T08:12:00.002-04:00

Crazy busy week with emotional highs and lows...

Of course the most difficult was going to the wake (waited two and a half hours in line, and then couldn't stop the tears when I looked at her in the casket and it became SO real) then I sang at Fran's funeral on Monday. It was so difficult to walk in and see her empty chair and know that I could never count on her to help me come in at the right time again. I'm not good enough to lead the section, at all. She was actually in three choirs and the members from one of the other ones joined us. That was comforting (strength in numbers) and to hear her adult daughter, a former opera singer and renowned voice teacher, sing "Ave Maria" was an experience I will never forget. The joy on her face at being able to sing so beautifully in tribute to her Mother.... it's hard to explain. She is incredibly talented. I was so glad that I took most of the day off from work to be there.

Wednesday night I went to see Johnny Virgil from 15 Minute Lunch do a reading from his hilarious book. He was a bloody nervous wreck; it was kind of funny to watch his foot frantically jackhammering through the entire first passage he read. It was wonderful to see him though, the dozen or so people laughed at his stories. I can't believe it's been two and a half years since we worked together... it was one of those moments when you really feel time wooooshing by. We both started blogs at the end of 2004 and because he is actually a committed writer his blog has been very successful, while mine has served mainly as free art therapy for me ;-) Not that there's anything wrong with that.

My daughter came with me and also bought Glen Feulner's new book. He was with Johnny and read a passage -- it's sci fi (I hope, lol) and dark and scary and she devoured the entire book in one evening. I am also going to buy his book of poems, Tangible, because from the samples he read, he has been reading my brain and dissecting old heartbreaks.

My paycheck is going to take a beating for this week. Thursday I had to go to the cardiologist for a checkup (yes, I have a heart, despite what one or two people may believe.... ) and I more or less asked him "do I NEED to keep coming to see you ? " and he admitted that No, You don't, all the while bashing Obamacare. I didn't bother to point out that Obamacare probably kept my current insurance provider from declining me due to my little tussle last year with cancer.... K thanks bye.

Then it was off to a nearby park to meet with a local tv reporter. She interviewed me and the kids about my breast cancer story; it will air before the local Komen run. I have been a minor wreck about this (not as bad as Johnny hahahaha) but I have to admit, Benita is a very talented interviewer... she put us right at ease. I felt like I only had time to say about 1/3 of what I wanted to say but I know the story will only be a minute or two so that's fine.

THEN ( still all in the same not-earning-any-money-at-work Thursday) I had to bring my elderly mother and father in law to the doctor's. They are very frail and it was extremely difficult to physically get her in and out of the office. Of course I discovered various things he has told them to do that they are NOT doing and I will be working on that. For example she is down to 99 pounds; we knew she was getting thinner and thinner, but not that she is still eating only fat free food despite his instructions to get her weight up to 115 at least. Honey, if anyone needs help putting on weight I am your girl. Tamoxifen is outwitting me right now but I'll deal with it, in the meantime what is your favorite ice cream flavor? Candy bar? I'll be getting them some far more nutritionally sound foods to bulk up, don't worry.

Lastly, since I'm so linky today, I just posted THIS video to a little facebook group I created the other day to try to keep up the spirits of anyone going through chemo.... it's called KBCAT's which is something my friend Ethel made up last year while we were both starting chemo... Kicking Breast Cancer's A$$ together... I fully expect it to max out at about 12 readers a day just like this blog. :) But I love you all! I really do...for not mercilessly attacking me with troll comments, for starters.

To the future

2011-08-13T13:07:00.001-04:00

I never recovered seed pods from my tiger lillys before. I planted them now, in hopes they bloom before the first frost, and establish a little boot camp right where I start them. But also because next spring I probably wouldn't remember having them. :)

Also…a quick P.S. For those of you not on my Facebook, like Trish and Poly, yay! My six month checkup went very well. No weeping in pain during the mammogram and no signs of any problems.

Woo hoo!!

Dear Kermit

2011-08-13T12:56:00.001-04:00

Sorry, but you've got to go. Could you also eat that really big spider I saw? Do frogs do that?

Mr. TheFrog here was hiding in my really yucky waterfall. I love to set it up when we have people over but then it sits for two weeks which is pretty bad.

Gardening has been wonderful this summer. I can already feel summer slipping away, but right now my flowers are all doing well and I feel like I've finally gotten somewhere in my efforts. It's especially nice since I had no energy to do anything like this last summer.

I grew a bunch of things from seed and finally have a decent sunflower plant blooming. Shock! I really thought I'd lost that war.

Remembering

2011-08-12T09:14:00.001-04:00

Here is a story about my friend. My beloved Stanley is in this as well. You can see the view I have of the altar from the choir loft every Sunday. The photo he shows is a couple of years old, but I am in the upper left.

http://wnyt.com/article/stories/S2237731.shtml?cat=300

(The reporter who narrates this piece sang at our church for a wedding a couple of weeks ago. We had a brief exchange over twitter when she reported that prescription drugs may have affected the driver.

I have a general distaste for reporters because I have seen friends hurt by downright lies, but this reporter seems to be respectful while she is trying to get her story. So while I didn't want to be interviewed in this case, I am glad that I let her know about the connection and that Stanley spoke to her. It was a nice tribute. The media coverage initially emphasized "three elderly women" and they were not simply old shells... They were wonderful individuals. )

RIP

2011-08-10T17:00:00.002-04:00

A friend of mine was killed in a horrible accident today... standing at the side of the road with friends, she was hit by a car that had veered out of control in a stupid, random, senseless quirk of fate. Three women were killed instantly. It's heartbreaking.

She was very much a mentor to me, as I have sat next to her in choir for 8+ years and tried to learn as much from her as I could.... she has been in the choir for decades. Literally.

Here is a little post I wrote once about Fran.

I'm guessing that I will probably sing with the other choir members at her funeral. It will be so hard to not see her there, and have her leading the section.

Sunup

2011-08-06T23:01:00.000-04:00

I took a few photos with my camera the other day - I was heading in to my office about 6 a.m. to get some work to do at home, in and around helping my inlaws.

I noticed the sunrise as soon as I walked out of my house and thought about going back for the "real" camera, but had to just pass on that option.

The iphone app is called Dynamic Light. It adds "HDR" which increases the range of tones you see in the photo. Real HDR is done using a tripod and multiple exposures at various settings which you then align and merge in photoshop. I'm pretty content with this app as an "on the fly" substitute. It punches up a blah photo nicely.

(As I proofread this I realized I took this photo yesterday, not a few days ago. It's funny how a little stress can warp my sense of time. My father in law and his "girlfriend" are doing a bit better today.)

Near the end

2011-08-05T07:34:00.002-04:00

...in the movie Titanic, there is a scene where Rose and Jack are holding onto the railing and he tells her they're about to go into the water. He's pretty much warning her that things are about to get Very Bad. The dread and tension is almost as high as it can go.

I can't shake that feeling now.

My mother in law fell a week ago. When she falls, she can't get herself back up, because she is so frail. She is mere skin and bones, hunched over, cold all of the time, and very weak. She did sit up straight with delight when The Most Adorable Baby Ever visited her two weeks ago, but otherwise she lives very quietly, with frequent naps.

So when she fell my husband went down to help get her up (they live very close to our home) and then called asking me to come down to help get her out of the awkward spot where she had fallen. She is light as a feather, he just couldn't get in beside her the way he was trying to. I went down, helped get her up; then I washed her back (when she fell a large, heavy chair that she had been trying to hold on to, somehow fell over on top of her, and she was scraped and bleeding) and bandaged her and then I washed her hair for her.

Yesterday my father in law fell - trying to help her put her socks on, he got up and lost his balance (probably because his hand is bandaged, from a minor procedure to remove a cyst, he couldn't put that dominant hand out to steady himself).

He went to bed to lie down, and a while later his back was so stiff he couldn't get up. We knew when Nana was on the phone asking us to come down, that something was very wrong. My son went with his dad and came home and broke down in tears seeing how fragile his Papa is.

It's just a strained back. Tylenol and the heating pad made him much better in an hour and a half. But things like siblings arguing about how much Tylenol he can take (it's plain tylenol for god's sake, one every three or four hours for a day or two IS NOT GOING TO BE WHAT KILLS HIM. )

My heart is breaking, universe. He still calls her HIS GIRLFRIEND and pats her "on the can" as he puts it. They have been married for 52 years and have five grandchildren who don't want them to go away.

But the boat is rushing down into the water now.

Haze

2011-08-04T09:15:00.000-04:00

I'm a little groggy today... Tired. My daughter had her wisdom teeth out yesterday and you haven't lived until you have driven home a sobbing, delirious teenager on your own.

("I want to go home. I want to go to bed. I don't feel good. I can't swallow." Repeat times a thousand.) It was a long day.

But it's a new day and hopefully she will be feeling better as the day goes on.

I wonder if the garden looked like THIS to her yesterday when we were carrying her up the front steps.

Take two

2011-07-31T13:55:00.001-04:00

Same original photo as previous (which was edited in CameraBag) but this time I ran it through the TiltShiftGen app.

I like the overall effect, but blurring the glass takes away all of the condensation that makes the point about a cold drink on a hot day.

Alas

2011-07-31T13:51:00.000-04:00

Working all day in the hot sun dragging around wheelbarrows full of flowers, the dwarfs could only glare resentfully at Snow White's frosty glass....

(I know... random. This is what happened when I sit and relax on my porch on a hot day. )

This

2011-07-28T22:58:00.001-04:00

This is the face of someone who just remembered that a year ago yesterday was her last radiation treatment.

Someone who Is working out on a semi- regular basis (finally !) without wanting to totally collapse for hours afterward.

Someone who finally doesn't worry about money EVERY day anymore. Cancer is so effing expensive.

Someone who keeps running into people who say "oh, I was praying for you" - and I am humbled every time.

Here we go again

2011-07-27T07:05:00.001-04:00

I am walking to try to build up to running the Komen; Frasier doesn't seem to recognize me. Just oh, here's this crazy girl trying to pin me down.

This morning I was brooding about a chain of events that I had hoped would take place this week. Clearly one slim little thread of "if this happens, and then I see this person and maybe I'd even see that other person..."

I have unfinished business with someone that I don't think I'll ever get a chance to finish. Kinda sucky when you don't see eye to eye with an old friend and each person thinks the other is wrong...

Dear blog

2011-07-26T08:08:00.001-04:00

The cutest baby in the world came to see me for a few days. We had literally dozens of people stop by to meet her and so we had lots of fun and food and baby snuggles. I hogged her as much as possible without being obvious, and even got to help give her a bath. It's so much more fun when it's a nostalgic one time event.

I am angling for a new side job over at Photojojo, so keep your fingers crossed for me. Mama wants a new camera.

In addition I am going to be interviewed by a local tv news reporter. Yikes!!! She's a little bit of a Diva. I will be speaking to her about how I had no idea I had breast cancer until my annual mammogram, and how early detection worked even better for me than Hooked on Phonics. It's odd to feel "lucky" about having breast cancer but I still have my breasts and most of my lymph nodes and a generation ago that's not how it usually went. The interview will air before the Komen run this fall. (I will NOT be wearing pink for the interview. Just sayin.)

Someday

2011-07-17T21:29:00.001-04:00

One of my favorite "clicks" from the game tonight. Only because I didn't get the camera out quickly enough to get one of the retiree ushers doing the Y-M-C-A.

A little bit of baseball

2011-07-17T21:27:00.001-04:00

Just a few shots with Hipstamatic on my iPhone. I like to put it in random mode, shake it, and take a picture. The camera chooses a lens effect and a film for you (different borders and things like monochrome, sepia, black and white, etc)    I just wish that I could edit an existing photo on my phone with this app... but you can't. (Are you listening, developers?)

It was HOT at the ballpark, but I went there to photograph a little pregame ceremony something like my Pink Zone event this past winter. Breast cancer survivors were lead out onto the field and announced, and I took a few photos. It was definitely fun to be ON the field and I was trying to figure out if I could talk my way into staying.   But then I started thinking "Hm... these players are all half my age...." and then the official photographer came out waving his giant zoom lens all over the place ( and there I was with an 18-45, which was right for the group shots that I needed to do, but appeared so inadequate, hahah)

So I went back to my seat and played with Hipstamatic. It was a beautiful summer evening and the home team won, and my kids are old enough to roam free - except for when they want cash, of course. I sat with my funny friend who always makes me laugh because she says things like "How many Johnsons does this team have anyway?" That's her last name, and the guys and I died when she said that because then she said "Ohh... wait..."   This is one of the reasons I love her. Another is that she is always willing to share a beer with me. And when I was taken to the hospital in an ambulance a year and a half ago (surgery complications, bleeding, nasty infection... etc)    she was the first one to get to my house and hug my crying children. What's not to love in that?

Anyway, I tried to take a few photos of the actual players and got one good one I'll post in a minute. Hey batter batter!!!! I was in college when you were born!

One photo, many apps

2011-07-14T20:36:00.001-04:00

july 2011 074, a photo by carlyq80 on Flickr.

IF you are not tired of my ramblings on iPhone apps, head on over to my Flickr feed. I started with one photo, and edited it with some of the apps that I discussed in Tuesday's posts.

If you are... well, carry on then! There's always that "next blog" button...

Favorite apps

2011-07-13T20:17:00.000-04:00

My lucky friend just got an iPad and asked which photo apps to try. Here are my favorite apps for EDITING photos. (An ipad has no built in camera, right? Because if it does, definitely buy Hipstamatic.) I'll give you a little comment about each...

PS express is a mini version of Photoshop. On my phone I can edit brightness, saturation, contrast, etc and add a few simple effects such as black & white, or blurred edges to the photo. I'd be willing to bet the iPad has a bit more functionality.

TiltShiftGen lets you adjust exposure, similar to pse, but gives you more choices when you want to blur an area of your photo. (square area focused, or round, oval, etc) To me it's worth getting despite the duplicate functionality.

CameraBag crosses over from "make the photo look nicer" to "change the style of the photo". There are about 15 modes, like an old instant photo, a fisheye lens, a photo taken in 1972, etc. It's nice variety without an overwhelming number of choices, and while you're deciding which one to apply to a photo you can easily slide from one style to the next without having to save or reopen the photo.

The next two, PhotoStudio and Lo-mob, give you a WIDE range of choices. PhotoStudio even has an option I love - click on the dice cube and get a random effect applied to your photo (there are over 200 categorized effects to choose from! Very fun app). This has the most gimmicks (some are just weird, honestly, like overlays of butterflies or a skull or flames...)

Lo-mob doesn't have quite as many tricks but the cool thing is that most effects mimic an old style camera (with viewfinder marks visible, etc) - it gives a nice "we found this photo in the attic" vibe.

The last app, Dynamic light, is for the HDR effect that people tend to love or hate. It boosts up the range of tones in your pictures (compare the visual difference to playing a folk guitar and then picking up an electric guitar with a big amp). This app actually lets you dial how much HDR to add and gives you various HDR styles to pick from.
Great for scenery - give those blah photos a bit more punch.

Well, there is my highly scientific analysis... Feel free to ask questions. And remember, if you actually have a camera/smartphone there are a bunch of other apps that take a photo and then do great things. (it's normal for an app to let you take an existing photo from your library or shoot a new one. Most of the apps I mentioned do that. Only Hipstamatic doesn't let you edit a photo you already have saved on the phone.)

Click!

Take 3 - TiltShift app

2011-07-13T09:07:00.000-04:00

Last summer on the days where chemo left me no energy to do anything but sit on the couch and buy camera apps, I would often take one photo and edit it with various apps to compare.

This was the same original image as in my two previous posts, this time modified using TiltShift. The app lets you add a blurred area, and dark edges.

This app was great when I first got it, and there is even more flexibility now in the shape and size and angles used to define the blurred region. It also does a very good job adjusting contrast, saturation, and brightness. Given all that it can do, it's pretty simple to use because of the way the edit screen is laid out. This is one of my favorite apps. (I have about 20 that edit photos in one form or another and this is in the top 5).

Take 2 - CameraBag app

2011-07-13T08:49:00.001-04:00

This is the same shot as my previous post but I opened up the picture in
CameraBag and used the Helga lens effect. I also like Lolo, which deepens all of the colors, squares the photo and lays a white border all round.

On the porch - 7-13

2011-07-13T08:44:00.000-04:00

This plant was one of about six that I started from a packet of seeds; it's the only one blooming and I think the other are dying in the flower bed where I placed them. I'm trying various things in the screen porch and my yard to see what works given our weather and the savage critters who destroy some of my plants (maybe I'll blog about the sunflower FAIL to give y'all a good laugh).

Taken on iPhone 3GS and edited slightly with photoshop's "PS express" app to boost the light and saturation.

All Over

2011-07-12T16:37:00.002-04:00

There is a local blog about "what to do this weekend", and recently they put out an email to people who had previously submitted photos. (I sent in some local images two years ago for an event, but they were not published online -- it's way back before chemo, and a little bit murky in my mind, because I ended up not being able to go to whatever the event was to see my photo on display on the projection screen behind WhateverSpeaker.)

Last week they ran a series of Summer Scenes posts, and the email was requesting photos to use for that series. I sent a few links to photos of mine from a local fair, and kayaking on Lake George, and so on. (you can see the fair shots here , and here is the kayak shot -- but you've seen that already in my blog header. )

So I got a reply "How would you like us to credit you? Is there anyplace you want us to link to?" and was very excited... and then they didn't use my photos. I was a little bit crushed because they focused on one photographer each day and I felt like I didn't make the cut. But I got over it and just decided to study the photos that DID get used; one thing I've always believed in life is there is always someone better off than you, yes, but there is also someone doing worse than you in whatever aspect of life you are dwelling on, and so stop feeling sorry for yourself already.

Today I got a wonderful note explaining that they'd changed direction with the series and asking if I would like them to use some of my photos in the future. Hell yes!! The best part of the email was her remark, "We love your work."

So, I hope to be able to link to a future post and scream "THEY USED MY PHOTO, LOOK, LOOK, LOOK!" very soon.

Monday

2011-07-11T09:45:00.000-04:00

I am so thankful that my boss is flexible. Being a contractor (a "temp" but on a long term assignment) I work when I work and get paid accordingly, and so days like today are wonderful. I was able to enjoy the flowers on my porch while I ate breakfast and even take a few quick photos. I have a macro lens for my iPhone and it is not bad at all, except for the shadow at lower left because I can't really align it properly (it sticks onto the phone via a small magnetic ring).

Abundant life

2011-07-10T17:48:00.002-04:00

I have been cleaning and cooking all week for a party for my son, who has graduated from his small Catholic school. (....with the highest average among all the boys, ahem; bragging over.)

There are very few things that make me happier than having a houseful of people. One is para-sailing, and another is kayaking.

We had about 60 people in the end. I know, I'm a little crazy. I did almost all of the cooking myself. But I had a plan, and it pretty much worked. Along the way we had a kitchen sink issue that threatened to derail the whole thing. Scary! Inner cabinet lakes are not good, but we resolved that with a minimum of drama.

That left us free to have relatives and friends and neighbors and waterballoon fights and glow stick bracelets and a wading pool for the littlest kids. The weather complied with a perfect 80 degree summer day.

We had ziti and chicken slathered with Dinosaur Barbecue sauce, all sorts of salads and fruits and snacks... and Miss Patty's yummy layered dessert (with chocolate pudding and cookie crumbs and whipped cream) and Darlene's famous giant chocolate chip cookies, and a chocolate/ Guiness Stout cake I got from my favorite local restaurant. Tell me, why did I make a 3-box mix Funfetti sheet cake? Answer, because I am crazy.

Today my house is clean, I don't have to go to work or to any sort of doctor appointments, and I have plenty of nice food left over. I sat on my screen porch and just enjoyed the quiet sunshine... until my skanky neighbor's five kids came out to scream in the pool. (Seriously. 7 months pregnant and a bikini? and they scream their brains out. I pray they outgrow the house soon. )

Now it is truly "me time"... for the rest of the summer I have plenty of time for all of my art projects in their various forms. I'll share some of the results here. Stay tuned!

If only

2011-07-05T23:35:00.001-04:00

...you would put yourself in my shoes...

But I guess that's crazy talk.

Who buys shoes at michael's craft store??? What's next - dresses in the drug store? (I saw that today too...)

Remembering

2011-07-02T10:49:00.001-04:00

So I submitted a photo to this:

http://www.nysm.nysed.gov/exhibits/special/reflectingon911/index.html

And I think it fits the 'reflecting' theme pretty well. It is at the upper right of my banner (hmm - next project is to update that) and you can also see it here:

http://m.flickr.com/#/photos/93483329@N00/3226859687/sizes/m/

It was taken in June 2007 - a beautiful early summer day that was (weatherwise) very similar to the morning of 9/11/01

I was in NYC for training and it ended early and I didn't tell anyone, just took the bus tour and had a fantastic day. Shhh! Our little secret. It feels like a lifetime ago, and not just four years.

Jango

2011-06-30T08:46:00.000-04:00

I am all about Jango (a website for streaming music) these days. I'm sure everyone else in the universe but me knew about it already, but that's ok.

My geeks tipped me off that we can listen to it at work without getting in any trouble. So now when I am listening to a narrator drone on about car repairs/ cosmetology / or whatever other course I'm editing, I have Jango to keep me awake.

If you want to laugh at all of my random stations, look for chars65. You can also challenge me in Words with friends (Aka Internet scrabble) - I sent an invite to someone I know online who bragged he was "very, very good" and I am currently kicking his ass by about 100 points. Mwahahaha. Same ID - chars65 - hit me up, kids.

Hi

2011-06-28T08:15:00.000-04:00

There are so many things I haven't told you... It's summer and my garden is growing (finally!! but I think something is still eating my sunflowers despite the elaborate fence I tried to make out of lattice. Whatever. That was one of those projects that make married life SO FUN. )

June was a flurry of graduation events for my son, and I was surprised to feel a little lost now that I'm mostly free of the volunteering I've been doing for the last 12 years. But then I remembered all the hobby stuff I have sitting unused.

I also had another round of checkups, because it's been six months and I was just starting to relax. So of course I got a call saying I needed a biopsy and had to try not to lose my shit about that. Everything finally came back fine yesterday, so I can stop crying at work (silent Droid who sits next to me will prob appreciate that).

Tamoxifen can lead to uterine cancer but this was "a precaution" - I wish they had told me that in the first phone call. I've got one eye on you now, uterus, and if you give me ANY shit I will yank you out without hesitation. Off the island. The tribe has spoken.

To celebrate not having cancer again, which would once again cost me about one year's salary, I got a shellac manicure since my nails still won't grow well... I'm hoping it helps but not thrilled that it cost half a year's salary. Tradeoffs.

Well a dragonfly is trying to attack me through the window (really!) so I need to get to work, where I hear the AC is broken. Oh yay.

Lingering

2011-06-22T07:58:00.000-04:00

The get-well cards from last summer are in a neat pile on the side of my desk. My wig is tucked away in my dresser, among the bandanas I wore when the weather got too warm.

I don't get to be "done" though, despite what the casual observer might assume. Every six months I get to have a few sleepless nights and then have a more detailed than average mammogram, and wonder what gopher might pop its head out of the scarred landscape.

Little fire drills along the road, like letters to establish medical need for more mammos, can bring a wave of "Oh fuck, I don't want to do this again" style panic.

And tamoxifen comes with its own set of testing. Because it can keep you from getting breast cancer again, but give you OTHER problems. Do you feel lucky? I'm not sure I feel lucky. Good times. No anxiety whatsoever (I have a bridge to sell you, by the way...)

So today, please spare a thought for all of the people who are muddling through the aftershocks, one day at a time.

(the luminaria is from the Relay for Life my nephew attended two weeks ago)

Daisies

2011-06-12T09:31:00.001-04:00

So... I planted seeds for Shasta Daisies in three hanging pots for my porch. Behold my stunning crop of... Magic mushrooms? Maybe I should try one.

Shot with my Hipstamatic for iPhone
Lens: Chunky
Flash: Off
Film: DreamCanvas

Looking back

2011-06-08T22:52:00.001-04:00

I went and saw a bunch of people I used to work with for a "happy hour" tonight; the big stupid bank that laid me off two years ago axed a few more people recently and I met some of the refugees for a drink.

I don't miss the daily tension, stress and drama that comes with working at a large and badly managed corporation!

I do miss my friends. But time marches on... I can't believe it's been two years. I am a different person now.

For the most part I am happier now, except for a faintly nagging feeling on various topics- that I should maybe look for a more challenging job, for instance.

Or maybe I could quit my job and run away to Pittsburgh for the summer!!! (photo from my recent trip... I was almost there, and racing to dodge a few bands of thunderstorms...)

Yes I had two bowls of bananas Foster...

2011-05-29T23:51:00.000-04:00

Pittsburgh residents will recognize this former train station turned into a restaurant. The brunch is amazing.... The fresh donuts were a nice touch.

I'm loving this alternate reality that I fell into. No work, no one to hustle off to school, no chores or spring cleaning to worry about. Just a sweet babygirl to rock and sing to for a few days. It's bliss. Not a care in the world.

Except...

Somehow I didn't pack enough clothing. I'm a bit confused. I have no more clean shirts, and two days to go. Hmmm. Guess they'll be happy to see me go after all, haha (when I start to stink!!!)

Eyes on the horizon

2011-05-25T13:37:00.000-04:00

Bad news abounds. One of my friends was diagnosed with effing cancer again and a second one might too. Tornadoes and floods fill the tv with heartbreaking images.

My former employer whipped out more awesome today, AGAIN firing people in batches... Because, why tell expendable people one by one when you can knock off 20 at a time? (Sarcasm)

Some of the people I worked with and ate lunch with got hit today, and two years after it happened to me, I am shocked at how quickly time has gone by. I'm still shaking my head at the heartlessness, not to mention how much offshoring ANY job to effing India offends me.

I remember the people who reached out to me after I lost my job and I remember the ones who didn't bother to call or email...

For me, it was the best thing in the world. I needed to get out of there. And overall I am so much happier now, though I miss a few people. Work no longer crushes me from the inside out.

My finances are not ideal but they are slowly creeping in the right direction. I need to figure out what my 'next' career plan will be.

It's going to get better, kids. I really do believe that. Whatever is on your plate, don't give up hope. We can always start over.

I'm off to kiss a cute baby face tomorrow. Road trip!!!

Remember me?

2011-05-20T23:54:00.001-04:00

This is what I've been up to... I have been spending about an hour each night photoshopping a collage/ scrapbook page using whatever picture of the baby my sister has sent to me that day. I bought a few kits from designerdigitals.com and it helped get me on the right track with templates and so on. Katie Pertiet kits are my favorite right now.

I'm getting a clue about brushes and layers and all sorts of things like that. Fun! Im not sure who made the monkey "sticker" but I love it. (edit... this is what happens when I post from my phone half asleep... the monkey is from a Katie Pertiet set of "stickers" called On a Branch, which has birds, squirrels, monkeys... and the paper is from her Naturally Krafty set, and I used her Make it Count templates for the general layout and star frame, which I recolored from gold to white. The ribbons are from Candid Collection, and did I mention www.designerdigitals.com has great sales every week?? well they do. )

Pretty soon I will be going on a road trip to go see my niece. Which means I have to pack, fire up the tomtom and find my easypass and... Oy.

Ps: not my baby, so I can't post any pictures of the cute little face... The internets are evil and all...

Clicking

2011-05-17T21:54:00.003-04:00

Busy... editing Photoshop collages of my most adorable niece... singing/attending various church services like Confirmation and First Communion, editing more photoshop collages of drama club, making dinners for drama club, trying to actually be gainfully employed in the meantime (no problems there... I just need to show up for work!)

Can't wait to go to visit the new baby... sorry I suck at blogging lately!

Why?

2011-05-10T22:48:00.001-04:00

Why can't I win the lotto so I could just get up whenever I want to every morning, go for a run, and then make cupcakes?

Procrastination

2011-05-09T23:44:00.001-04:00

... Is when you wait so long to do something, that you end up being unable to spell the word!

These are made of Wilton fondant. It took about two hours.... And most will be thrown away because I didn't flavor them (refer to: tired) and they're more for show. But the cupcakes will be delicious... Chocolate/ chocolate and also lemon with raspberry buttercream. Mmmmmmm.

Happy

2011-05-08T09:22:00.001-04:00

Well, my sister released just under seven pounds of adorableness into the universe, so I have been busy editing what few pictures I have gotten sent to me... And planting my garden, which looks awesome despite my blackish thumb (me and seeds, it doesn't work...)

Waiting it out

2011-05-03T07:54:00.000-04:00

My sister is going to have a baby any time now, but I can't go see her for at least three weeks. How come time only flies when you're having fun, and not at the office???

But of course

2011-04-29T06:47:00.001-04:00

Up at four am, drinking tea today. I even managed to get my daughter out of bed just before the bride appeared.

Loved the smile that slipped across Kate's face when the crowd cheered as they were declared man and wife.

On course

2011-04-25T21:27:00.001-04:00

Today was a good day for getting back on track... The busiest singing week of the year is over. It was quiet at work because the two guys who cause drama weren't around. I ate pretty well (I switched back to taking Tamoxifen at night a week or two ago because it made me SO HUNGRY. Wtf. ) An to top it off I went for a run after work in a light rain. I can't explain why I love to run with the rain misting on my face, but I do. It felt so good to run without measuring minutes (a la couch to 5 k, if you've ever done that)

A little confession... Yes the car was moving when I took this picture. You can't really tell, but I was rolling over to 50000. (hmmm, have to change the name of the blog?) But anyway,
I was driving w one hand and resting my iPhone on the steering wheel with the other. Don't arrest me.

Photo of the day

2011-04-22T13:50:00.001-04:00

I call this "one step forward, two steps back" because work can feel that way sometimes...this is the stairwell outside of the office that I share with a handful of people who may or may not be crazy. Or maybe it's me that's crazy. At any rate I often make a quick phonecall here if I don't want the Droids hearing me nag my kids about the laundry. I liked the Escher effect I managed to stumble into. (my intent was just a spiraling pattern.... Oopsie!)

Edited with PhotoStudio iPhone app

Happy Easter

2011-04-18T21:31:00.001-04:00

Busy busy this week... My daughter has friends over tonight and they had some fun with eggs...

Spring

2011-04-16T08:43:00.001-04:00

I'm working on my garden... Seeds are starting to sprout in my family room. I will move them out to the porch when it stops getting so cold at night.

Spring rushes in

2011-04-15T06:11:00.001-04:00

Spring came about as suddenly as winter crashed down. I am always scrambling right around Easter - I have a ton of extra singing to do. I had rehearsal last night and I will see all of them again Saturday, Sunday (twice- mass and our Tenebrae), Tuesday, Thursday, good Friday, Easter vigil, and then on Easter Sunday. Yeahhhhhh.

I'm a little worried about keeping that schedule, I still get tired more easily than I would like. Also, sometime during mass on Easter Sunday my voice will crack and I'll be done. I will go home and snore silently on the couch while my son makes pancakes for me and that will be my big "Easter brunch".

I also have a whole pocketful of people to worry about, in one way or another. So the bright colors and buds popping up everywhere are doing their best to shake me out of my distracted clouds; I am doing my best to stop and take them all in.

Here's a riddle

2011-04-14T08:27:00.001-04:00

See if you can guess how my day is going...