quickly

.... the Office is starting soon, but...

My coworker avenged a particularly humiliating loss for me today. Last year I nearly passed out from heatstroke while (cough) playing horseshoes at the company picnic. It was ninety degrees, and I suck at horseshoes, ok? A twerp was nitpicking me the entire time.

This year, my teammate played with someone else (due to my recent surgery) and WON THE TOURNAMENT.... awesome. Twerp was so indignant when she beat him. Mwahahaha.

My back still hurts. I am reduced to "office drone with rolling briefcase for laptop computer." Ugh.

Whose panties are on the bulletin board?

I love that commercial. (For the next episode of Grey's anatomy).

Today at work I received an email reprimanding me for having submitted a purchase request without a capital request. In fact I didn't even submit the PR, but I did have a capital request for it, that I got before I had someone else submit the PR for me (because I had never done one before and I didn't know how, and wanted it done right). But the capital number wasn't linked to the invoice number for the purchase order for the... well, you get the idea.

That's all I've got. My back hurts and I'm cranky. Goodnight!

Coolness of the day

These shirts are black and white outlines... until you go out into the sunshine. Then they are colored.

This makes me very happy. Dragonfly, people.

Dell does not make me happy. They are not cool, because I went to to their website to order ink, and they set my damn home page to THEIR home page. If I wanted my EFFING home page for internet explorer to be THEIR home page, I would be QUITE capable of doing that myself. Eff you, Dell.

top secret birthday messages

to my daughter...

Gotta hold on easy as I let you go
Gonna tell you how much I love you, though you think you already know
I remember I thought you looked like an angel wrapped in pink so soft and warm
You've had me wrapped around your finger since the day you were born

Beautiful baby from the outside in
Chase your dreams but always know the road that'll lead you home again
Go on, take on this whole world
But to me you know you'll always be, my little girl (1)

* * *

AND to my son...

In the sunlight or the rain
brightest nights or darkest days
I'll always feel the same way
Whatever road you may be on
Know you're never too far gone
My love is there
wherever you may be
Just remember
that you will always be my baby (2)

* * *

Yes, my kiddddos have their birthdays one day apart. I inadvertently messed it up this year, with this whole gall bladder thing...not quite having friends parties, and we even missed the family party, but they're so cool they didn't even mind sharing a birthday cake. (A box mix, in a foil pan... with no decorations... it's just wronnnnng.) And they've only gotten one present apiece so far but they're not even complaining. My kids rock.



**1- Tim McGraw, My Little Girl, from new movie Flicka
2 - Sara Evans, You will always be my baby

Best get well card ever

from my son, this was on my nightstand when I got home from the hospital

do you love the hand with the red boogie board's strap around it? Looks like he wiped out again...

My new career

Rather than go back to work in my cubicle I've decided to work ON other people's cubibles.

My inspiration is the book Cubechic ... take your office space from drab to fab by Kelley L. Moore. (Quirk books, Philadelphia)

(These pictures are from the book, but Ms. Moore, please don't sue me, I'm tryin' to sell ya some books here. Really. )

I'll start with my friends, of course.

This one just screams out Johnny Virgil ...I may just sneak down to his office and actually do this.



Once I perfect the breaking and entering aspect, I'll do Shamus (how awesome is the picture of beer foam as the windows wallpaper?)



And then I'll jet back out to C-town and take care of Sarah (could anyone get ANY work done in this office?)



Isn't it awesome? Admit it Sarah, you would just die if you walked in some day and saw this.*

Really, if you want to get away from a plain old cubicle, this book is loaded with ideas and you should definitely buy it. I would never go as far as most of these pictures because duct tape, hot glue gun, etc are required... too much like actual work. But you can easily incorporate the ideas from your favorite scene without going over the top. The book has 22 different themes and multiple photos for each idea. It's a steal - $16.

PS: Shop, I didn't forget you. I can't decide between the CEO/ corner office look, the library cube (with cigars!) or the Disco look.


* I think she actually works in a REAL office and not a cube. .. but whatever. Just one more lock to pick.

Red on Fridays

Please read the following passages, which were sent to me today, and join me in wearing red on Fridays.





When 2nd Lt. James Cathey's body arrived at the Reno Airport, Marines climbed into the cargo hold of the plane and draped the flag over his casket as passengers watched the family gather on the tarmac. During the arrival of another Marine's casket last year at Denver International Airport, Major Steve Beck described the scene as so powerful: "See the people in the windows? They sat right there in the plane, watching those Marines. You gotta wonder what's going through their minds, knowing that they're on the plane that brought him home," he said "They will remember being on that plane for the rest of their lives. They're going to remember bringing that Marine home. And they should."


Americans who support our troops used to be called the "silent majority." We are no longer silent, and are voicing our love for God, country and home in record breaking numbers. We are not organized, boisterous or overbearing.

Many Americans, like you, me and all our friends, simply want to recognize that the vast majority of America supports our troops.

Our idea of showing solidarity and support for our troops with dignity and respect starts this Friday -- and continues each and every Friday until the troops all come home, sending a deafening message that ... every red-blooded American who supports our men and women afar, will wear something red. By word of mouth, press, TV -- let's make the United States on every Friday a sea of red much like a homecoming football game in the bleachers. If everyone of us who loves this country will share this with acquaintances, coworkers, friends, and family, it will not be long before the USA is covered in RED and itwill let our troops know the once "silent" majority is on their side more than ever, certainly more than the media lets on. The first thing a soldier says when asked "What can we do to make things better for you?" is ..."We need your support and your prayers." Let's get the word out and lead with class and dignity, by example, and wear something red every Friday.


If you are not convinced, read this page and this page.

TMX Must Die

I was watching tv out of one eye this morning when my eardrums were assaulted by the latest "hot toy". It's a world debut, people! Right in Diane Sawyer's hands!! (pffffft)

TMX is the 10th demonic incarnation of Tickle Me Elmo. Get it, X, for 10? Yeah whatever. This thing does that laugh which we all know, and it also falls down while laughing, and rolls around on the floor. It's engineered pretty well, I have to hand it to them. If it's on a flat hard surface it ends up each laugh by getting itself back on its feet, and I'm sure that's been quite a headache to troubleshoot.

But oh, my, Goooooooooooooood.

That laugh.

That long, drawn out, nails on a chalk board, please kill me now because I'm in a childproofed household and I have no sharp object, laugh.

I would not subject my worst... well, even my brother in law... hahah just kidding.... to this toy. Hearing this toy 50 times a day would make Mother Theresa start swearing like an angry drunken sailor.

Let the fistfights in the store aisles begin.

Top 3 Lines from Office Season 2 DVDs

... at least, the ones that I've watched so far....

#3
"Please don't smell me, Michael" - Jan, Performance Review


#2
"Ho, ho, ho, Pimp! " - Michael to Pam, Angela, Phyllis and Ryan - the Christmas party

and...

#1
"Don't be fooled by the phrase 'dust bunnies'... they are vicious little bitches, and if they get into your disk drive, God help you. They will bring your computer to its knees. They sit in corners, hatching, defecating, and their sole purpose is to eat dead skin...which humans in this office shed by the boatload" - Dwight, The Secret (contained in the deleted scenes)



PS: Laughing still hurts, but not as much.

Please don't smell me, Michael

While I've been learning how to go on, after the devastating abduction of my gall bladder, I've made a few notes:

• My most consistent companion has been a very persistent housefly. It sucks to be "sick" in a busy household. They all keep leaving me here with Mr. Goldblum. That little bastard better die soon. I'm tired of him cropdusting me just as I'm about to doze off.
• The laundry fairy has apparently died, because no one is doing mine. This is bad news for women everywhere. Keep hope alive, girls. Maybe she just lost my address.
• My sister in law rocks, because she brought more food than you could imagine. I signed her up for Rachel Ray's cooking magazine because I think she'll enjoy it. Karma, baby.
• Hydrocodone gives you some really eff-ed up dreams. You know it's bad when you think to yourself "Aaagh! If I just open my eyes and shut them again all of this will go away."
• I have lost 8 lbs so far - which can be replenished by one box of wine and one box of bonbon's, I'm sure.
• I have five incisions from the laproscopy. They are arranged in a "greater than" shape, from my vantage point (or "less than", if you were looking at me... but you wouldn't want to see me right now, I promise.)They are stitched, not stapled, thank god. I have this morbid dread that something will happen to one of the incisions, and so I keep looking at them. Eww.
• P.S.: The sutures really freak my kids out. Of COURSE I showed them!!
• P.S.S.: Doctor Cowboy Boots destroyed my belly button. There goes my bikini modeling career.

Wednesday (day after my surgery) the mailman brought me the new DVD of The Office, Season 2, because he's been harboring a secret crush on me for quite some time. (That, or because I preordered it about a month ago. Hmm. )

The DVD is actually four DVD's, and is loaded with deleted scenes and duplicate versions of episodes with cast commentary which are hilarious. It's SO awesome. I heart Jim Halpert. The title of this post is a remark made to Michael by his boss Jan, of course.

It hurts to laugh. Ow!

PS: Hug a nurse today. Seriously, having a good recovery room nurse makes everything SO much easier.

Dear Gall Bladder

Even though my daughter persists in calling you Gold bladder (don't I wish),

you have to go.


Get your barely functioning (less than 10%? Really???) self outta me.


I'll make it easy for you. I found a cool surgeon who wears cowboy boots, and he didn't even get angry when I changed my mind about what hospital to go to. He's going to yank you out. See ya.

New Stuff

I may not have a new backpack with all sorts of pockets, or even a new pair of sneakers(and I really need those), but here are some other new things that I've come across recently:

Ace of Cakes , a new show to catch on Food TV (but don't get me started on how almost everything I like on TV will air on THURSDAYS, while I'm busy with choir. DVR to the rescue!!)

Great American Country , a new channel I wish Time Warner would carry (because I'm missing the Trace Adkins special tonight!! Badonkadonk!)

Three new CD's I'd like to download:

• Joshua Bell,Voice of the Violin
• Diana Krall, From this Moment on (coming 9/19, catch her on Letterman)
• Snow Patrol, Eyes Open (love 'chasing cars')

What's new in your backpack these days? Comments, people!!

Vacation Day 3

It occurred to me today that two weeks have already shot by since my vacation.

This, of course, was not a happy thought.

Wednesday of our vacation, we went to Assateague Island. Wild horses roam free (my daughter had several logical questions, like "why don't the horses ever walk over this bridge to the mainland?" and funny remarks like "(hmmmph) all I've seen so far is horse poop." Ahh. Nice to know PMS is already kicking in, and she's not even a teenager yet.

We did see a few horses eventually...





and spent time on a gorgeous beach (there are several beaches and camping areas on the island, and no, the horses don't come on this beach, as far as I saw, anyway. The water is off to the right of this picture... I loved the whiteness of the sand and also the fact that there were no hotels on the skyline. I didn't actually get a photo of the shoreline itself, except for shots with my family members, and I won't put those in this blog.) More boogieboarding. Big fun.



Then we went to Hooters for lunch, which somewhat terrified my 9 year old son(haha, he looked down at the table almost the entire time), and then went shopping. I am not really "Outlet Girl" so that part was boring to me. I would rather be on the beach. That's what I drove 500 miles to see, if you know what I mean.

We went to a place called Harpoon Hannah's for dinner. Excellent, FABULOUS food. I had a 10 oz broiled lobster tail. It was great. Oh, and more strawberry daquiris. I wanted dessert, but knew it would be a Bad Idea after my big spinach salad(yummy), and the lobster. Also there is a Roll Lady, who walks around with a large basket of various types of bread and rolls. You can have as much as you want, and that's all she does. Everyone loves her, naturally. Too much food!

I believe Wednesday night was the night we played Carly's version of poker. Since we had small kids with us, I made up a game the others named "Auntie Up, Char". It's rather stupid. Everyone throws one chip in the pot in the middle of the table(there were 7 of us and we each started with 10 chips.) Then I dealt ONE card to each person. Aces were low, which my brother in law bitched about the entire game. If you thought you had a high card, you could put in another chip. Otherwise you had to fold. Whoever had the highest card got the hand. It only took about an hour for my BIL to get all of the chips. I think he cheated.

My kids are driving me bonkers

One more day... then I will get to shove the little darlings onto the school bus.

Actually, my sister in law will, because I'll be off having more! tests! because if I do have gallstones, they are even less photogenic than fuzzy little Suri.

No, really. That baby is NOT cute, don't even try to tell me she is. That hair!!!

But back to MY kids. My son is apparently stressing out more than I thought about school. He has been doing weird things every day, with increasing frequency. For instance, 20 minutes after doing an art project, he will come to me and say that he's worried that glue might have gotten in his eye. Or if he's eating crunchy food, a half hour later he'll wander up to me and say that maybe something didn't go down, and he thinks it might be stuck, and what if it is? So I say "take a drink. Oh well, nothing came back... you're fine!" and resist the urge to kick him in the backside. Please keep in mind that the first 25 times he did something like this I reacted with a suitable amount of distress and sympathy. Momma's tapped out now. Momma has tried "are you excited about school" type questions, without much drama ensuing. Momma knows that THIS kid has plenty of friends and does fine with math, etc.

I'm going to curl up with a nice hot cup of tea and try not to even think about how my daughter sleeps until 10 am daily and needs to be up at 6 a.m. on Thursday.

I Washed My Face In The Shower.......

A couple of weeks ago when Daughter got braces, we had to watch a training video and it recommended using a Waterpik to really clean between teeth and around the hardware.

I bought one last week while I was spending most of my paycheck at Target, but since I was not feeling well, we haven't really gotten around to it, until last night.

Holy crap.

I could pressure wash my HOUSE with this thing. As far as I can tell, the pressure is not adjustable on the (cordless) model I have. I tried to help B use it the first time, and literally water went EVERYWHERE. The richochet factor on this puppy was incredible. On the mirror, all over the sink, all over me, all over her. We were laughing so hard, I could barely aim the thing at her poor beseiged gums.

Do I put a mirror up for her in the shower and say "good luck" ?? Any suggestions?

They have meat snacks too

Since I am feeling only mediocre (and not downright wretched) this evening, I am going through the mail that was in the PTA mailbox.

I came across a free sample of Smencils. No, really. Not just scented pencils, gourmet scented pencils. (Aren't we supposed to keep kids from chewing on pencils?)

Here is the website.

I was busy mocking the pencil with Mr. C when Daughter came in, noticed it, and wanted the damn thing. Are you kidding me? I am NOT paying $260 for 500 pencils that smell like a piece of candy that rolled under the couch last December. (to be fair, maybe the peppermint one isn't the best one.)

I loves me some beef jerky. Kinda. Ok, well I don't. Does anyone still eat that stuff?

PS: did you all catch the NBC promo show, highlighting all the new shows of the season? It was fun seeing the Office skits mixed in, like the ransom note that came for Dwight's Bobblehead. The tiny bit of duct tape on the bobblehead's mouth was CLASSIC.

One of us has got to go

My gall bladder and I have been having a little feud. I'm getting tired of his antics.

There I was in my doctor's office yesterday, and all he did was press on my stomach, and Mr. Gallbladder made me wince and whine and feel nauseous. It's not every day a girl can get a doc to unzip her pants, and you go and ruin all the fun. That's not the half of it. You know, hanging around all the time for the past few weeks, making my side and my back ache, and oh, doubling me over now & then. That's the kicker.

Listen, GB, I don't need you, and if you keep this up, you're outta here. But did we REALLY have to do this on Labor Day effing Weekend? I mean, as it is, my ultrasound will probably be done by a janitor today, and the surgeon's cousin's boyfriend will probably take a crack at the laproscopy.

Don't think for a second that keeping me up all last night didn't really make me love you more.

Pffft. Have a good thought for me, ok?

Come Fly With Me

Zooooom

I'm a Mazda Miata!

You like to soak up the sun, but your tastes are down to earth. Everyone thinks you're cute. Life is a winding road, and you like to take the curves in stride. Let other people compete in the rat race - you're just here to enjoy the ride.

Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

Woooot!

Yaaaaaaaaaaay! The Office won an Emmy.

enjoy this little visit with some of the actors from the show.

Vacation Day 2

Tuesday morning I got up at 6 am and "snuck" out of my hotel room (this was prearranged so they wouldn't think I'd been kidnapped by the doorman, but I didn't want any kids to say "can I come too?" so I went quietly)

The sunrise was absolutely gorgeous. I was so happy I had my camera with me. With the sound of the waves, the nearly perfect air temperature, and plenty solitude, the whole experience could not have been better. There were only a few walkers and fishermen out (someone reeled in a stingray while I was walking by him).

We went to the hotel's breakfast buffet, which was excellent (I have been to some wretched ones). Then we made a reservation for PARASAILING!! I was thinking "Oh crap, I guess I really have to do this." Haha.

We found the spot, and R (my brother in law) and I paid. I was busting his chops a little bit because he didn't want to go up to the highest level. (They let the rope out either 400, 600, or 800 feet and he said "the middle one". Wuss. I of course, went for 800. If I'm doing this, I'm DOING it.) We also paid for a roll of film because the boat operators have a camera with a 300mm lens. I didn't manage to get that film developed yet.

The guys at O.C. Parasail were great. One guy was a college kid and not bad looking at all (for a child born AFTER I graduated from.... nevermind. He put on sunscreen right after the boat set out, so I tipped him $20 when the ride was over because it was a good show. Hey, us old broads deserve a little fun every now and then.) But seriously, there was a sign saying that the crew worked for tips, so R. and I figured we'd give them each $20 because we had such a good experience.

I had assumed that this would be something of an athletic adventure. Something like what I imagine skydiving to be. You know, jumping and being Whooooshed off the boat, buffeted by winds, and so on.

It just wasn't anything like that. The parachute lifted me off the boat as if I were a soap bubble rising into the air, and I rose so gently, I could barely tell that I was ascending. "Fantastic" doesn't even begin to describe it. It wasn't a "wind in my face so I can barely open my eyes" feeling at all. More like I was floating, drifiting along and I just happened to be some 650 feet up into the air. (Geometry. The rope is the big side of the triangle and it is 800 feet, so the height is... oh, who cares.) The view was incredible.

I felt one little shudder, and I think that was when the mechanism feeding the rope changed direction, and I started to return to the boat. Other than that, very placid.

Well, except for one tiny thing. The guys operating the boat had me almost down to the water level (they dip your feet for fun, if you're game) and some idiots came up fairly close in their boat, and started waving at me. That was fine, and I waved back. They became idiots when they turned and were going to cross in front of my boat.

My boat operator needed to speed up, slow down, etc pretty often to keep the parachute where he wants it. And little old me, of course....preferably up in the air. Both guys on my boat were screaming, whistling, and generally going crazy trying to wave off Idiots, and clue them in that they shouldn't cross in front of my boat. I was just getting a "Hmmm. At least I have a lifejacket on" feeling when the idiots finally got a clue and turned away. Finally I returned to the boat.

So all in all, considering they didn't actually let the idiots kill me, I felt they deserved the tip.

I'd write more about how I boogie boarded after lunch, and when I returned to my beach chair, my sister in law had a fresh strawberry daquiri waiting for me. Awesome. But I'm out of time.

Vacation - day one

Day one was pretty much "ride down from NY to OC-MD in the car" with a little bit of fun at the end.

It was me, Mr C, his brother, his wife, and our total of 3 kids, so we took two cars. There are two types of drivers. Some people get on the highway, pick a spot, and pretty much use cruise control until they get off the highway. Others get on, and consider it a personal challenge to pass any obstacle they come across (such as large trucks, etc...) or change lanes 50,000 times because they are driven to insanity by said obstacles.

These two types of drivers should never travel together in a mini caravan, under any circumstances. It is not fun for the person following the "passer", because the passer will change lanes without worrying about whether the follower will be able to change too. The follower won't know if the passer is coming back, or if the follower needs to get into that lane too, to exit soon, terse cell phone conversations will take place, and everyone will end up cranky. Boys are stupid. 'Nuff said.

Here are things you must bring when you travel by car with children:

• small squishy beanbag pillows for dozing off on the NJ turnpike (it's BORING)
• a portable DVD player - also, make sure you have enough headphones for the little darlings. (Some players can accomodate more than one set of headphones. Buy splitters if you must, because you really DON"T want to listen to their movies. )
• Sirius radio (for the grownups- you don't need me to elaborate on that one, do you?)
• a case of bottled water in a cooler (do not pay $3 a bottle at a thruway rest stop)
• E-Z pass (to cruise through toll stations without stopping to pay a cranky toll attendant... very awesome)
• snacks - preferably something that will leave crumbs all over the floor of the car
• a small tote bag for each kid is helpful too - they can bring whatever they want, as long as it's not food, and it fits in the bag.

When we got to the hotel we jumped into our suits on ASAP (having them in a separate tote bag helped) and went in the water! It was my first time in the ocean and I have to say "yechhhh." It's gorgeous -- the waves are beautiful, and they sound divine, but they swirl a cloud of muck around you, and then they pull away and leave you coated with a scratchy film of sand and salt. Revolting, and quick to creep into every nook and cranny of your personage. The sound of the waves is fantastic, but LOUD. I actually had to unlock my daughter's iPod and raise the volume limit. (Poor baby, I know...)

My brother in law had a boogie board, so I tried it. Hahahaha. It was awesome but basically the ocean knocked me off it, because I had no idea what I was doing. Then the sea tried to drag me back into its depths, and then it spit me back up on the beach. I loved it, sand rash and all, and I did actually ride a few waves fairly well.

We ate dinner at the hotel's poolside patio/ deck bar. It was the only one that I saw with palm trees all around the seating area. They were beautiful, if a bit out of place in Maryland. We listened to someone named Danny Dolan, who was performing there with a band. Never heard of him. The CD is called Sax on the Beach - no lie. He's a good saxophone player, so we bought a CD for $10. This page has a picture of him (upper left) and he was nice to my kid, so I won't make fun of the picture. Didn't see the chick, or the guy in the upper right.

We got pillaged by the service staff. Seriously, $178 for grilled cheeses, chicken fingers, etc for a total of 7 people?? I had a strawberry daquiri (that was what I drank for the remainder of the vacation; they had plenty of whipped cream which is a dairy product, and strawberries are fruit... so it was good for me. They forgot the rum in the first one so they gave me a double the second time. Wheeee!) We had the crab balls appetizer (hehehe) and they were excellent.

From our room balcony (we stayed at the Clarion) we could look one way and see the ocean, and look the other way to see the bay, so we saw a nice sunset. It kind of set suddenly, almost disappearing with a "plink". Weird.

After that some of us went for a night walk on the beach. Again, two types of people. People who walk far outside the waves, being careful not to get wet, and people who deliberately walk within the path of the waves and laugh when one splashes up over their feet and up their legs. Guess which one is me.

Home again

Just wanted to share Tuesday morning's sunrise with you.

Parasailing was awesome. So was riding the waves on a boogieboard. And yes, I am FAR too old to be doing that. The ocean kicked my ass. Film at 11.

C U L8TER

I know I've got bad karma because my daughter is making me sit throught the Teen Choice awards.

I'm off to the beach, and if I survive parasailing, I'll tell ya all about it. But if you see a small speck in the sky, which looks something like a multicolored parachute, flying over your house, I've broken free, and for the love of Pete, please shoot me down.

Just remember I love you all, and especially you . Bahaha!

Scenes from my morning walk

Traces of the LOUD thunderstorm that required swapping places with my son at or before 2:31 a.m. (It's been a while since I woke up in a bed and had that momentary "where the hell am I?" feeling. It smells just a little like pee. Hmmm.)

A duck started waddling toward me. I crossed the street. Still determined, s/he veered toward me. Are you kidding? I'm not going to burst into flames today, but I'm going to be attacked by a deranged duck? Seriously?

A drop of sweat rolled down my forehead and into my eye. The high alcohol content temporarily blinded me.

And the iPod swings on...

Slow Saturday

How does a match light? To find out, click here. Now could someone light one under my backside?

So yes, it's one of those days. I have packing, cleaning, and PTO duties to attend to.

So far today, I have done the following:

• talked to Suzy for 104 minutes
• showered (alone, sadly)
• killed a spider with the leg of a deck chair, because I had no shoes on (it took 4 tries).
• ate a Boboli pizza with left over steak added
• thought about doing some laundry
• pulled the sheets off my bed (but not washed them yet)

Hey, it's only 2:30, right?

Dessert is bad for you

One of my best friends has four kids. Every now and then we go to the mall after most of our kids are in bed. Tonight she brought the "good one" (her new baby).

We shopped for cute baby outfits and Baby was good. We lingered over dessert and gave Baby a bottle and chatted and chatted.

On the way out she said "you know what, walk me to my car and I'll drive you to yours." This was not like either of us. It's a large mall and I've never felt nervous walking to my car. SO many people around, you know? but it was around 11 PM so we did it.

We got the baby situated and drove over to my car. I flicked the unlock button on my keyfob to show her where I was parked(that makes the lights of my car come on). She pulled up right near my car, and left hers running. We talked and talked. She was turned in the driver's seat, facing me somewhat.

All of a sudden she looks off behind me to the right and screams the most bloodcurdling, "Aaaaaaaaaaah!" horror movie scream I have ever actually effing heard in person, in my entire life. The look on her face was total panic. She punches the gas pedal, and takes off hurtling through the mostly empty parking lot. I was yelling "what, what, what's the matter?" and she screamed "they're trying to get in the car!"

She drove clear around to the other side of the (huge) mall before I could could calm her down even a little.

She had looked out the passenger/back seat window (over the head of her sleeping baby) because she heard a noise, and someone was trying to open the back door of the car. Hearing this news did not help me. She was shaking like a leaf and I was trying to figure out what to do. Because now my unlocked car was left behind. Right there with Mr. Creepy carjacker/ kidnapper man.

So we drove to where we had seen a cop car by one entrance, and it was there but empty. Fabulous.

We called the police. We called husbands. "Not going back to Carly's car until it's checked by cops." You know, urband legends, people hiding in the back seat. Eff you if you think I'm a sissy. It wasn't YOUR car at 11:30 at night.

We circled the mall, and noticed a weird guy walking around the lot. Fun. Now a Durango was right by my car, all lit up. Great, that's the guy who knows how to hotwire a car. Weird guy must have called friends. Circling, circling, looking for cops, but now the cop cars were gone too.

FOREVER later, the cops met us at my car. He was confused and didn't really understand what we were saying, but he checked my car. I came home. I am NOT sleeeeepy.

Bananas Foster just is NOT worth all of this drama

Grill Girl

My daughter got her braces this morning. She was a trooper - she was NOT happy to go, but went without a fight. I was actually the one crying since I had to hand over $1500 and that's just the down payment.

It was a two hour orthodontia session. (And you thought your day wasn't very much fun.) She is now calling them her "grillz" and saying Yo, a little bit too often. As she is whitey-white-white so this makes me wince because I'm afraid someone will overhear her and take it the wrong way.

We had to watch a video about how to brush your teeth with braces, and how to floss around them, and I'm tired already, and we haven't even done it yet since she ate lunch. We were misbehaving somewhat and making fun of the (very fine, informative) video because we watched it before the procedures began, so she was a bag of nerves. Caring for your teeth when you have orthodontics requires all sorts of extra doodads. Most boring goodie bag I ever got.

We don't have the FULL braces on top yet because I have to go pay another friendly dentist man to pull out four more of her baby teeth since none of them ever leave her body willingly. Then when the permanent teeth fill in we can get more wires and more insanely expensive cute colored bands.

The kids get to pick out the colors, and she chose hot pink and black for now. Yay. Four grand and change, and the only thing she's worried about is what colors to pick. How nice to be young. She goes back in October. Something tells me it will be orange and black then. I'm ok with that.

If you've never had braces, the thing on the bottom is a lip bumper. The muscles of your lips/face press against the bar, which is connected to the back teeth, and basically keep the bottom set of teeth from collapsing in on itself when she loses a couple of those baby teeth that still remain. Someday I'm going to bronze it. Or pound it with a sledgehammer in the back yard. I haven't decided yet.

Blink and rub your eyes

Today I hauled my lazy butt out of bed at 6:15. I don't have to go to work today, or I would have been up at least a half hour earlier. I have Wednesdays off, and on occasion I've "slept in" until 9, or even (gasp!) an hour later. It's nice when your kids can turn on the tv AND make their own breakfast. Really. Unless they start fighting. Then I have to put the smack down.

Anyway, I weighed myself in the last 24 hours, and the number was up by 3. Ouch. UP from one of my highest levels, which I have hung around at for far too long already. Of course, I firmly blame these people, who bought me far too many glasses of wine in Cleveland:

Just kidding - Danielle, Sarah, & John.... you guys are the best!!! Notice I am not posting the photos of myself getting drunk, drunker, and oh, my-god-did-I-really-do-that drunkest. It certainly couldn't be the GIANT piece of cheesecake I ate in my hotel bar in Cleveland that pushed me over the edge of my plateau.

So I got up bright and early this morning, and put my shirt and shorts and sneakers on, and stole the Princess' iPod. She gets a little annoyed when I swipe it while she's sleeping, and then we have to have the "I Bought You This, And Filled It With Music, Didn't I" chat.

I have a hilly neighborhood and I walked for about an hour, listening to Phil and Tim and other things like that. Ben Folds actually stopped by for a visit or two as well. The iPod was actually driving me crazy because I bought this case/lanyard so that I wouldn't have to hold it, and it has a cord that goes around your neck... and with every step it swung from side to side like that pendulum thing in the bottom of my grandfather clock. Dammit. I hate it when a good idea turns out to be useless. So instead of being able to, oh, I don't know, just walk, I had to hold my hand on my chest like I was saying the pledge of allegiance for 45 minutes straight. Arrrgh.

When I was nearing the final turn to head home I noticed something supremely discouraging. I had on a pair of khaki shorts which are pretty loose. Nevertheless, they were literally chafing my legs just above the kneecaps. No, scratch that. They were smouldering and about to burst into flames. From walking. I almost set myself on fire, walking around my neighborhood. Wouldn't I look fabulous, rolling around in the street (one hand holding the iPod still) and slapping furiously at my thighs, "ow ow ow ow" ??

Nothing to see here. Move along.

Fashion Faux Plaids

This little combo did NOT go to the racetrack today, although I nearly herniated myself trying not to laugh in my little guy's face.

I bet on a horse that had my nephew's name. I think it's still running somewhere on the far turn.

The only reason we went was that someone gave us free tickets to a fundraiser event. The event was littered with NFL alumni, so Virgil would have loved it. (Haha. He knows zero about sports.)

Seven minutes

I am giving myself seven minutes to type.

I really have 10,000 things to do but I "miss" my blog.

The other day I was sitting with Suzy watching one of those shows about babies being born (on Lifetime or some channel like that). Suzy likes them. It was a caesarian delivery of twins. I was somewhat horrified at the abrupt way the doctor YANKED the baby out of the womb. The baby almost seemed to be stuck, and the tugging and twisting that ensued freaked me out.

I have felt that way. From time to time I carve out a few minutes for myself and then BLAM! A hand reaches into my quiet space and drags me kicking and screaming out into the blinding light of the "real" world.

Summer seems to already be accelerating towards the finish line. It makes me sad. The school year fills me with dread. New PTA responsibilites on top of the issues with my daughter's IEP needs, and the new braces that go on in FOUR days at an staggering cost.

But first I have a beach to go to, in about a week. I'm going to parasail! I'm going to FLY.

Marco

'round here it's apparently cool to look at horses running during the month of August.

Several members of my family decided we needed to go see a polo match tonight.

Yeah... me, at a polo match. It went well. ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

The view was mostly this:

...and if you think it just looks like a far-away bunch of horse's asses, well... you'd be right.

It's kind of a scary sport when a group of riders DOES race right by you. We (being new at this) sat right up next to the piece of edging that demarcates the field of play but almost immediately we realized "Wait... this is a good way to get trampled" and moved back 10 feet. And do they have halves, or quarters, like a self-respecting manly sport where the guys wear shorts or at least tight pants*? No. They have chukkers. A chukker is 7 1/2 minutes long. Who made this up?

Anyway, I prefer to hide behind that thick plexiglass shield at a hockey rink. Those balls are hard. (My son stole one.... just kidding, they let kids have the used balls... he dropped it in the car on the way home and when I heard the thunk I said "what was that?" and he said "just my balls Mom"....I am warped....)

I did make a good tailgate picnic. Grapes, cheese & crackers, sweet and sour chicken tenders, pasta salad with crabmeat and baby spinach, strawberries with chocolate, ... can't remember what else. And - newsflash - my kids ate it. Will wonders ever cease??

The players call out to each other in some variation of Spanish. They are apparently mostly from Spain and Portugal (at least these particular teams were) and some guy sitting near us said they speach Portunese and I died laughing. I think he got mad at me.

*I couldn't tell... the saddles, you know. But I don't speak Portunese, so does it matter?

Silly stuff

The results of the contest to create a Promo for "The Office" are hilarious.

Rubberband ball won, by the way - but Dan and I liked You Reap What You Throw and the clay/ animated drawing entries.

Happy weekend - it's not 100* anymore!! Wheeeee!

I will not

...leave my nephew in the cave.

I will not leave my nephew in the cave.

I will not leave my nephew in the .... oh, who am I kidding??

Big Brother is watching me

Holyyyyyyyyyyyy crap.

someone WATCHED me eat that cheesecake. They know.

ShopFest 2006

Oh man.

I may not be able to look at a glass of wine for a while without my liver whimpering just a bit in terror.

The graduation party was terrific. As in, good food, friends, great weather (except for a short burst of rain.) I was there from 2 pm to past midnight and there was plenty of beer. Pretty nice to just walk across the street when it was over and crawl onto my pillow. The next day I got up early to walk it off (seriously NONE of my clothes fit and I have to get in gear. I walked for 3 days in a row for about 45 minutes each time. It's a start.) My neighbor kind of laughed at me when he saw me because I think I looked just a bit rough. To be fair, it wasn't even 8 am.

Then I headed out of town. I flow to our corporate HQ for some exciting training that I found out is now also going to be offered right at my own office. That's the way these things generally work for me.

I got to HQ-Land on Sunday afternoon and found out that with my hotel room key I had access to the concierge level. Sweet. They had appetizers - grilled veggies, cheese & crackers, fruit, and scallops wrapped in bacon. Oh, and I enjoyed one really big glass of wine.

After that it was only about 8:30 so I was bored and I went to the hotel bar. One more really big glass of wine later, I winked at the bartender (I was probably 20 when he was born so I bet it creeped him out a little) and I asked for a slice of cheesecake. "Oh, a sweet tooth, huh?" was the response he gave me. Yes, I still have more than one of my own teeth, kiddo. Just kidding, he was nice and he brought me an amazing dessert.

What I got could probably be more suitably called a slab. It was 5 or 6" high and about 4" wide on the back side, with pineapple sauce on one side, strawberry on the other cut edge, and chocolate dribbled down the back. This woman sitting a couple of seats away said "is that your dinner?" in a sarcastic voice and I thought "what's it to you, wench?" so I smiled one of those smiles and said "why yes....it is" and signalled for Junior to bring me another glass of wine.

Junior told me that one of the singers Sue knows was in town. Darn darn darn! If I'd known about 1 hour earlier I could probably have made it into the show. Oh well.

I finished the whole slice of cheesecake. Yes, I did.

I had contacted John (aka Shop Dungarees) when I made my travel plans so that I would know where I was going from the hotel to our offices, etc since he works there. Let me tell you that John is the best host in the world and I really hate him. (He kept in touch with me the whole time and took me to lunch both days with his friends, and in return I tampered with things in his office. Did you figure out what I did yet, John?)

How many people do I know that when I introduce a business acquaintance to him, he will mumble "Did you do him?" in a voice that only I could hear? He's one of a kind (and no, for the record, I did not. Really.)

John and Sarah and Danielle took me out to dinner Monday after a happy hour with Erik. Well, at least I vaguely recall a plate of food in front of me at some point, and about four glasses of wine. Then John playing the guitar and crawling on the floor and chasing a cat, and telling the bellman at my hotel that I was a hooker. It's all kind of murky. I'm afraid though, because John had his camera and we all took pictures of each other that will resurface just when my husband finally decides to run for public office. Dammit it was fun.

I didn't sleep well in the hotel because I was inebriated both nights and the noises of the city below me woke me up pretty often. I'm such a baby. Let me tell you that when a hot shower feels SO unbelievably good and so horribly bad all at same the time, it is a sign that you drank WAY too much the night before, you have a problem and it is going to be a long day. I did, I do, it was.

I am home now, and I'm going to hide in my house all day because it's supposed to be about 99* here today. Damn.

Party time

This is a card I made ( I didn't make it crooked, I scanned it that way, and then I tried to smudge out the rather unique name after I scanned it but I can practically read it again because I compressed the ... oh nevermind)

I'm going to a graduation party today... my two neighbors are having a combined party for their daughters... two bands AND a DJ. Oh, and there will be beer, I am sure. I will not get any sleep tonight.

Also, I'm running away for a few days... y'all be good now while I am off partying! Um, working hard, attending training that will help me in my job. Yeah. That's it.

Life's little mysteries

Somewhere on this about-to-be-eliminated planet is a beach bag, belonging to me, containing swimsuits and towels last used last Thursday by my children. Key word: somewhere.

Perhaps it's at the sitter's house, quietly turning into a mildew farm while she is away on a well-deserved vacation!

...for two weeks.


Why would people pay money to have their photo taken with a wax museum likeness of Brangelina spawn? Just give the damn dollar to Unicef already.


Why would someone do this when we've already got the playboy channel on Sirius? I only listen to Tiffany Granath's show, mind you, because the rest is shit. If you missed Tiffany today, you missed a hilarious show. Her 2nd hour guest, Dr. Joel Kaplan, sounded like Marty McFly's dad. Given what he was talking about, it was horrifyingly bizzarre. You just don't want to know what he sells. Who would really buy that? No, really, you don't want to know.

And I feel fine

If you've noticed, the Armageddon is at hand and we are living in the very Last Days. The signs are all there, they say. I guess I don't have to worry about paying off my credit cards after all.

Some people really do believe this, especially given the Tsunami, the hurricanes, the forest fires, the renewed mideast conflicts, and the color of nail polish I'm wearing today. Everything is a Sign.

If you're one of those people, I'm sure you stopped reading before this paragraph, but I'll still say I'm sorry... this includes my father... he pointed his "evidence" out to me last year. His bible has a chart, that shows the first, second and gospel readings for every Sunday. It went up to Easter Sunday 2006. This bothered my father QUITE a lot when he noticed it. To his mind, that meant "that's it. The end."

Me being me, I said "Uh, Dad? they only have just so much room for the chart. You know?"


This site is titled "The End of the World as We Know It... Again." Fun stuff.

What about you?

I'd rather float.... in a canoe, than on a luxury cruise ship. (What about you? speedboat? bathtub??)

I'd rather sing... up in my choir loft, than in front of a stadium full of fans. (What about you? In the car? In the shower?)

I'd rather eat...a sandwich with a friend, than a formal black tie dinner with a group of people making polite conversation (What about you? Alone, or in a crowd?)

I'd rather walk...on a bumpy trail in the woods, than down 5th avenue(What about you? On a beach, perhaps?)

I'd rather watch a baseball game, than football. Relax, enjoy the summer weather and a nice cold beer, chat with a friend, and every now and then something exciting happens. What about you?

The preceeding questions were brought to you by a pile of paperwork on my desk that I just don't QUITE feel like doing yet. Sunday nights are all-too-often "catch up" night for me. Finish this, finish that, before the rush of the week begins again. I'm tired.

Things that amuse me

#37:
creative ads from British magazines

Don't Miss

The webisodes of the Office. A new one comes out every Thursday on the official The_Office webpage. No Jim, Pam, or Michael so far, given the cliff hanger, but still some funny moments with Jan and the accountants.

("...he took the good one" cracks me up.)


PS: it's pouring BUCKETS... I was going to weed my garden today. Arrrgh. We abandoned the dog puzzle. Too hard.

Ooops I did it again

So, it's Friday which means I don't have to work in the office - I have to amuse my kids (not the nephew this Friday, just mine) and so I bought this.

...because I am insane, and think that two kids age 8 and 11 can do any 500-piece puzzle without my constantparticipation, much less one that is not square, is basically monochromatic, and has those funky "secret shapes" (which mean that there are MORE edges, than just the actual outer edges, which are not straight to begin with.)

As you can see, it's shaping up to be a typical day around here. This puzzle is awesome, but I think I miiiiight be the only one who likes it. Shhhhhhh.

Awesome

The 2nd season DVD of The Office ships September 12 and you can preorder it here .

This almost makes up for the past 24 hours. (Rushing, mayhem, and frustration. Certain members of the PTA have already decided I'm The Problem. I may just wear a badge to the first meeting that reads "Bad Cop". I don't even really want to talk about the orthodontist dropping the figure $4500 on me. For ONE KID. The other is waiting in the wings. GAH!!!)

Gears

I am forever changing gears.

Monday mornings I stumble into work (overtired) and trying to remember where I left off Thursday. It's exciting stuff because I don't get to DO the projects, I only arrange billing for them. Because I support four people who each have five or six projects at any time, I end up "changing channels" pretty often. I also have a side list of administrivia that just keeps plodding forward, but must be attended to on a regular basis or it bubbles over and makes a mess.

I try to keep my mind on work. Some days that's easier than others. In the summer, it's a crap shoot depending on who I leave my children with. This year, I have a great babysitter. I can be assured that the kids are safe, happy, and even doing some reading and math practice now and then. (She's studying elementary ed in college - JACKPOT!!! And she has a POOL at her house!!! This helps to fulfill the chlorine quota for the summer.)

So the gears turn, I push electronic paper, and wait for the time to come when I can pack up and go home. Try to shift up into Mommy mode on the way home from work, to cook dinner, take it out to the deck, play in the yard, and then catch up on the laundry magically somehow. Sometimes I feel like people are deliberately throwing wrenches in my gears. My husband left the house yesterday at 1:30. His brother had called minutes before to say "let's bring all of the kids to swim at Nana & Papa's." This was sort of a surprise to me as I'd had other things planned. PTA duties, paying our bills, ....exciting Sunday afternoon chores.

So I was planning on making a big pasta dish for dinner so that I could have leftovers each night this week... this is "soccer camp" week. Every night, 6 -8 pm. (I'll have just enough time to put my sneakers on, when I get home from work, before it's time to head to the field.) Mom sits in a lawn chair on the sidelines thinking of the 3,000 things she should be doing at home, while the kids run around and get sweaty, dirty, and exhausted (with a side of cranky) for two hours. Drag the little darlings home, clean them up, and THEN start laundry.


Yes, fun. So, back to Mr. C. Also known as "P.O.W." We are at that oh-so-delightful stage where the kids are basically making me half insane and so I get frustrated with HIM a lot because he can't read my mind. My hairdresser calls it "the Ice Age"; I prefer to think of it as the Cold War Era. If we don't nuke each other by the time both of the kids are 21, a few walls will come down and maybe we'll be ok. Maybe. (We're half way there. Only 12 more years to go. Can I please spend a week, um, month totally alone at Camp David? then I'll be nice for a while)

Of course the Mr. has his own agenda which I am often unable to decipher. Because, of course, being different from mine, it MUST be wrong.

Uh, he decided that we needed one of those "fire pits", and hey, I did want one. Sure. It was more or less a bribery attempt on his part but it was good on paper. He headed on up to a big box store and in the back of my mind, I figured he'd be returning in 45 minutes, maybe an hour, and that would put us reasonably close to Other Brother's arrival at the family pool.



So I worked on my PTA stuff. Then I did a few other things. Then I did a few MORE other things like cleaning out a bird feeder. The "someone has to do this" things that drive me crazy. The things you do when you think someone is going to be interrupting you at any moment to go off and do something else.

Ha.

After two and a half hours had gone by since he'd left I called him... with a "where ARE you?" Yes, I knew where he was, but that was supposed to be done by now. These calls never go well because I wait to call until I am convinced that the car has either been repossessed or totalled, and I'm annoyed to find out that he's "fine" and just didn't get around to giving me an update on what the EFF is going on.

Meanwhile at this point I was trying to recalculate the agenda for the rest of the afternoon to figure out if it was worth it to still go swimming. A little voice in my head was saying "but I want to swim toooo, all I have been doing all day is work". The other voice was starting to shift into dinner/ evening mode. "We have to cook this stuff tonight or we'll eat sandwiches every night this week. There isn't time to swim AND cook"

Ultimately, I gave in. I swam. Much longer than I wanted to. (Well it was not ME swimming... them.... which meant country drive in for dinner....) So I did not cook - now I have no dinner for tonight. Anyone want to run by the soccer field and bring me some dinner?

Seriously.

The latest way

to make Carly happy....

Now listen, my friends. I know that I frequently mention alcohol in my blog.

Here's the thing. When you're literally a soccer mom trapped in the mind numbing repetition of homework, laundry, groceries (rinse, repeat) you can take prozac, or you can tip a little every day, um, ...every now and then. Usually after the kids are in bed, of course.

OK, I am exaggerating. But let's see YOU listen to "Mom...Mom...Mom..." about 3,000 times a day and see if you don't look forward to happy hour.

SO today I went to my uncle C's house for a party for his daughter's high school graduation. Uncle C has worked hard all of his life and now has a BEAUTIFUL home that Carly would die happy in. He and Aunt R are wonderful people and it's so nice to see them really living the American dream.

Uncle C actually is about the only person who got me to drink at my wedding. I didn't want to be a drunk bride, yakking on my wedding night. Uncle C came over to me, and said "Please do a shot with me" .... it was Sambuca. Not a problem, he is old school Italian, and all he was asking was one shot, and it was an honor that he wanted to buy a shot for me to celebrate my joining the family. Until I drank that shot, of course... eeeeeyah. Holy snowflake. But it was still sweet of him.

(side story: there were people crashing my wedding for the free hors d's and open bar... I confronted the chick right after drinking said shot and scared her right out of the room.... must have been the sambuca on my breath and the way I raised my hands in exasperation after having a fruitless conversation with her... my mother overreacted and said "Carly, don't hit her!!" and chick ran out of the room....)

Anyway. Back to today.

Pama, or pomegranate liquor, is a mix of tequila, vodka, and California pomegranates.

Mix it half and half with Champagne, and see if you don't love me after having one (or two, or even three...)

I know, you already love me. Even though I tip a little bit too often. I love you too. No, really. ( I think I had four. Maybe five.... but the flutes were VERY skinny.)

To make a long blog short

My friend Steven is including me on his emails home while he is in Japan for a short stay.

Here's his take on something I wrote about recently:

How to make sushi 101:
You cook the rice and then add a mixture of vinegar and sugar to make it more sticky. Mix it up really well and then all you do is spread the rice unto a sheet of seaweed, add your favorite toppings and then roll it up using a bamboo mat. That's all.


Funny, I used about 500 more words. I can't wait to hear his reaction when he reads my version!

I am bored

I started this list last night, and forgot to post it. These are things that amused me yesterday and today. (Just a little. I'm still bored, which is funny because I have a list of about 20 things to do today, my day off, and I did perhaps 3 of them. )

Someone from Greece has been visiting my Chico / Donkey blog. (See "Where is my PACE hat" link at right). Chico and Donkey are on their way to Eurodisney (thanks P).

Tom Cruise's baby apparently DOESN'T exist. No loss. Actually, I'm kind of grateful because she was pretty much destined to be a really messed up teenager.

The All-Star Game.... what is the point? zzzzzzzz (this is why I forgot to come back and finish)
I stumped my coworkers by asking them "What are the only two days of the year that no professional sports are played in the US?" (A: the day before & the after the All-Star Game.) I heard this on the radio yesterday, so don't flame me if it's not true, but my coworkers couldn't think of any evidence to the contrary.

This contest on Worth1000.com

The last amusing thing I have is the fact that my nephew is willing to let me take him to someplace similar to this in spite of our recent hiking adventure. (Raise your hand if you think I'll lose him in there.)

He IS a double XL

SO, just a little bit more about Countryfest.

We have a friend who was extremely wonderful, and that wonderful person gave us backstage passes. Not to gloat, but it is the most wonderful feeling to be on the other side of that fence, and not crammed into a crowd of hot, sweaty, sunburned drunk people. We had considered leaving after Keith Anderson's set, until we managed to locate said friend. Did I mention it was wonderful? Let's talk about NOT having to use the public bathrooms being visited by 30,000 drunk people on a hot day. Won-der-ful.

One other tiny advantage of having the pass was that we could stand on the side of the stage platform, and watch the performers. So here we have one of my favorite shots of the day. It's a monument to the very worst of bad snapshots, but I love it anyway. Blake Shelton was performing, and I am standing RIGHT behind Mr. XXL himself, Keith.


Several things amazed me. The sheer logistics of getting "stuff" for six different performers on and off the stage in one day. The guys working all day long in the miserable heat (like that guy in the middle of the photo, I assume that's who he was, hats off to you, buddy...) moving all of that equipment around. The size of Keith's sneakers. How much more reasonable the sound level is BEHIND the banks of speakers. The fact that Blake walked by me earlier and I had no idea who he was, and then during his set I realized I knew almost all of his songs, and liked them too. Those sneakers. The fact that the drummer and guitarist can carry on an animated conversation effortlessly while playing, and notice friends in the wings, and toss a joke in their direction, which is multitasking that would make my tiny brain explode. The multiple drumsets all set up and ready to go (not amazing but just cool and Shamus and his son would probably have liked it.) Hmm, there was something else I was going to include in this list. Now what the heck was it?

Double XL

Darn blogger... couldn't get this photo in my previous post -- this is Keith Anderson.

Excuuuuse Me Mister?

'round these parts we have a little hickfest formally known as Countryfest. It brings out the finest, arriving in pickup trucks like the snappy little number above.

Suzy and I got up bright and early to truck on out to the show. Someone had given her two tickets in a thank-you card a month or two ago so we've been looking forward to it for a while.

We wandered around in rediculous traffic but got to the gates just around 10 am. We stood in line for a few mintues, and then we realized we were in a line to BUY tickets. Since we already hand them we walked to then next line over, waited a few minutes, and then handed our tickets to one of the people at the gate.

Then the real weirdness set in. Ticket lady glanced at our tickets. Instead of ripping them in half like tickets presented by the people ahead of us, she pointed at a tall guy (damn good looking, I might add) off to the side. Very briskly she said "Go over there to him."

Huh? We took a few steps sideways, and he looked at us and plucked the tickets out of our hands and dropped them into a giant ziplock baggie. "These are counterfeit tickets. You need to go back outside the gates. You can either buy legitimate tickets or leave the premises."

In unison our jaws dropped and we turned to one another and sort of blinked. If there hadn't been 30,000 other people around, one might have heard crickets chirping for a VERY long moment.

Then we sort of did a "whaaaaaaaat?" protest, but quickly snapped out of it and worked out a deal where she would wait outside of the gates, and one of the security people would take me through the fairgrounds to the ATM. (We did NOT have enough cash to buy the tickets, and no credit cards were accepted thank you very much.)

The gallon-sized ziplock baggie was full of OTHER tickets that looked just like ours. (DGL guy was probably a state police investigator, collecting them for evidence.) The bogus tickets had "serial numbers" with not enough digits. They also didn't have a watermark of the radio station sponsoring the concert. WTF? We heard that there were 4,000 fakes from one security person. Think on that. $80 grand in baaaaaaaad paper.

So, in the end we made it in, just barely. The line we got into was full of some VERY pissed off people who had actually PAID for their counterfeit tickets; we asked around a bit and everyone "bought them from a friend for $20".... gate price was $33. Since we'd been given ours as a gift we felt lucky that we weren't out the money. People who came to the festival with, say $40 or $50 in cash would be lucky and able to get a ticket, but not be able to really eat or drink much during the 8 1/2 hour show.

It was a blazing hot day but I got to see Keith Anderson fairly up close. He smiled at me! (I am such a dork.) I just happened to be standing in the right place when he went by to go sign autographs and do photos, and he saw me with the camera. If you don't know "XXL" it's a funny song, and "Everytime I hear your name" is completely different mood, but another great song.

How to NOT be the Favorite Auntie

My nephew is 11 1/2 . My son is almost 9. They're very different kids. My son is the blissfully ignorant boy's boy, baseball and mud and stuff like that. My nephew has had more to deal with in his young life. Divorced parents, a chronic medical issue or two, and a Mom with a parenting style completely different from mine.

I don't like to coddle him. I'm strict with him, as strict as I am with my own kids. So my nephew doesn't run to me with big hugs- let's put it that way.

I'm watching him a few Fridays this summer. Today we trekked to G. -- a state park that isn't too far away.

We swam a little, we ate lunch. Then for some inexplicable reason they sat in beach chairs and stared into space. WTF? Why are these three kids sitting like zombies??

I vaguely knew about a trail alongside the lake. So I said to the kids "get on your sneakers and let's go!"

I miscalculated a little bit.

We had water. We'd eaten and been to the restrooms.

But I took three kids on a 5 mile hike. AROUND the lake.

Kids who had NEVER hiked, and one who through not much fault of his own, really wasn't in the right shape to be dragged around the lake.

You know it's bad when a guy passing on a mountain bike says "what's wrong with HIM?".

Him, who at various times said "why are there so many rocks on this trail?" (...through the woods...) and muttered under his breath at me that he was never walking around this stupid lake again and the tree roots hurt his ankles and aren't we there yet and what was that hissing noise and where is the beach, anyway? In general, a million complaints.

I tried.

Supportive, encouraging. "Come on, you're doing great. This is an intermediate trail" (oooops) "You're a new hiker. You're doing fantastic!! You can do it!" Not that he was buying it, of course. My daughter saw him cry, once, when he fell. I swear, I didn't, or I would have hugged and consoled him. He was miserable. I was surreptitiously saying to my kids "stay back... don't let him be last" whenever he fell way behind.

Meanwhile my kids were having a great time shouting "Marker!" and "Poler" every time we saw a trail marker. It was a really cool trail, and a gorgeous day. It would have been fantastic if it was just me and my kids and a backpack loaded with the right stuff. (My son kind of "lost" our bug spray 1/3 of the way around. D'oh. At least we'd already put some on.)

I want him to be more like them. More like a carefree happy kid. I want him to believe that he CAN do something like walk around a lake. Not start out the task thinking "I can't do this. How much farther is it?"

I'm frustrated and want to just shake him and say "I love you! Why can't you quit complaining and have fun with us now and then???'

I want to take him as he is, but I just don't know how to do that.

What I worry about most (in regards to him, that is; because I've got a bucket of other worries) is that he'll spend his whole life being over-cautious and extra safe and resenting that pain in the ass Aunt Carly who did things like drag him around a stupid lake. And he'll never hike around another lake as long as he lives.

Sushi 101

Ok, making sushi rolls is fun, and there is NO raw fish requirement. (Bleahhh. )

These are the rolls Suzy and I made last week. As you can see we have just about enough for 3 people since the normal serving size for lunch is about 6 or 8 little slices.

Here's a brief overview(brief being taken in the context of everything I write, of course...) :

1. Buy tons of ingredients. (Say to your sister "I have the rice and the paper, some water chestnuts, and some baby carrotts, so just get a couple of things for us to finish them" and if your sister is ME, she will go to the market hungry and buy mango, snow peas, canned baby corn, cooked crabmeat & shrimp, sesame seeds, and a cucumber. Fortune cookies* are a nice way to round this all out if you're not worried about a Chinese vs. Japanese food fight in your shopping cart. Also buy Mike's Hard Lemonade or even better, a Mike's sampler which includes hard berry, hard lime, and a cranberry variety I didn't get around to trying at our family picnic)

2. The nori paper is seaweed but it doesn't taste nasty so don't whine about it. You don't need to soak it, just open up the bag and use the sheets as they are. You need sushi rice, which is sticky and globs together. Start the rice cooking before you slice up your ingredients and DON'T OPEN THE POT WHILE IT'S COOKING. It's shy. We made two cups of rice and used it all to make the rolls above. We could have cooled it a little bit longer but... not a big deal.

3. Slice up a good handful of everything that you want to use as fillers. Make little matchstick size pieces of any of the veggies that are crunchy, and just chop the seafood into small strips or tiny chunks. I did this while the rice was cooking and sort of arranged it all on the cutting board. (Wanna-be TV-chef....)

4. You don't need a bamboo mat to roll up the nori rolls. Wet the counter a little bit and smooth out an 8x10 piece of saran wrap (or if it's still sticky from slushing 3 Mike's Hard Lemonades all at once, all the better...)

5. Put a piece of nori on the saran wrap, then wet your hands frequently and pat some rice into a very thin layer covering all but about 1" of the paper (the "top" edge... so that when you close the roll it sticks to itself)

6. At the "bottom edge" (closest to you) just put a band of whatever filling you want, about 1" wide. Be creative but don't try to put everything in all at once. Maybe one seafood and two veggies.

7. Then just roll... squeeze the ingredients and rice together, roll a little bit at a time, and don't be an ass and get the saran wrap all tangled up in the roll. Don't let the ingredients smush out the ends.

When it's completely rolled, you can sort of twist the saran wrap ends to hold it together, and store the sushi in the fridge for a while while you have more hard lemonade. Or you could make these in the morning for a party later that evening and spoil all of your friends. We did everything here in about an hour. Maybe a little longer. (Not sure, see frequent Mike's lemonade references.)

8. Slice and serve with soy sauce (or duck sauce, but soy is more traditional). You can be creative and arrange the slices into little flowers and stuff, like on the nori package.

Another variation is to put rice down on the saran wrap first, then the seaweed paper, then the ingredients. Before you slice this one, roll it in sesame seeds. Don't cake them completely, but put enough on so that each slice will have some.

There were two things I didn't bother buying that night: Wasabi is green mush, and it's Japanese horseradish (be afraid... or make some, if you like VERY spicy stuff ) and pickled ginger slices, which make a nice garnish.

You can also put caviar on top - I didn't really see that in the supermarket :::cough::: but I recommend it. Caviar doesn't taste fishy. It sort of pops in your mouth and highlights the other flavors somehow.

This is SO easy, and it's fun to do. You'll be amazed at how good these are. Except for the lemonade, everything is good for you!!


*always read your fortune out loud, and then say "...in bed." It's amazing how much more optimistic the fortune becomes.

Mike's mess

After watching 3 kids all day Friday I was ready to make my escape. (My nephew will be spending some time at Camp Carly this summer. Poor kid. I'm going to rock his world.... he's not going to sit in front of the TV at all.)

So anyway around dinnertime I made my escape to Suzy's. We made some sushi rolls with various combos of crabmeat, shrimp, snow peas, carrots, cucumber, etc. They were awesome. Of course there were 3 of us and about 8 rolls, so we made waaaaaay too much. But who cares?

We also slushed up some Mike's hard lemonade. Don't believe that effing commercial. Mike's is very fizzy so if you so much as tap the blender with your pinky the entire thing overflows. Suzy was NOT amused. But in the end we still had enough in the blender and it was fan-freaking-tastic.

"Mike" also sells a sampler with 3 bottles each of lemon, lime, strawberry, and cranberry malt beverages. Just the thing for a lonnnnnnnng family picnic. Yummy!

No Red or Blue

Only white. No, not my kids. Suzy and I agree that we would rinse off the kids, leave them with a grandparent, and say to the husband, "Fix. It. I will be home after you do." This of course presumes that it was the husband who was(n't) watching them in the first place...because we would never let our kids get away with this sh.... stuff.

I'm off to a cookout. Have a safe and happy 4th, and keep our soldiers in mind(wether you agree with Dubya or not, we all want our soldiers home safely - and soon - right?)

Too funny

My 14,000 th visitor was someone in Florida whose basil is also dying. Google search strikes again!

PS: lots of sun, don't overwater.

Water everywhere

This is a park near where I live... the stairs normally go to a wide sidewalk that goes along to the brick building. The docks are usually about 10 feet lower than right now. So, if this isn't clear, the water all along between the docks and trees SHOULDN'T BE THERE. It is normally grass, a 6' wide sidewalk, and the wall of a canal to which the docks are attached.

This was about noon today; the water has actually RECEDED since last night. But this still screws us out of our 4th of July fireworks! (Carly pouts....)

How my day is going so far

...the artist formerly known as Basil.... I told you I have a black thumb. Plants need water. But not TOO much water. Pffft. Plastic seems the way to go here.

iPod Shuffle

I don't have to go to work today!!!! Happy, happy me.
I have time to lie about the house and do silly meme's.

1. Put your iPod on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question.

How am I feeling today? Back 2 Good - matchbox 20

Will I get far in life? Bop to the top (that's my daughter's darn High School Musical CD - aaagh!)

How do my friends see me? Nobody knows me like you -Phil Vassar (I wish.... wink)

When will I get married? When -Shania Twain (If elephants could fly, I'd be a little more optimistic....)

What is my best friend's theme song? The woman with you - Kenny Chesney

What is the story of my life? Where I come from - Alan Jackson

What was high school like? Here to forget - Phil Vassar - hmmm, how true

How am I going to get ahead in life? To where you are - Josh Groban

What is the best thing about me? You found me - kelly clarkson

How is today going to be? If my heart had wings... Faith Hill (".... I would lie beside you as you dream....")

What is in store for this weekend? Chrome - Trace Adkins - wooooohooooo!

What song describes my parents? Running - No Doubt. Shoot, that's true. They're always running out my door.

What song describes your grandparents? for some reason "When" came up again so I am going to lie and pretend that it was Somewhere Over the Rainbow- Israel Kamakawiwo because I love that song and it was in Beth's blog.

How is my life going? How bad do you want it - Tim McGraw

What song will they play at my funeral? I'll take that as a yes (the Hot Tub Song) - Phil Vassar. Hmm. Decorum?? Not so much.

How does the world see me? Hollaback Girl - Gwen Stefani

Will I have a happy life? Better days - Faith Hill

What do my friends really think of me? Get'cha Head in the game (HSM.....grrrr)

Do people secretly lust after me? Being Drunk's a Lot Like Loving You - Kenny Chesney. (OUCH! I loved till I stumbled, I loved till I fell, When the When the lovin was over it hurt me like hell )

How can I make myself happy? Bring on the Night - Police

What should I do with my life? Should have been a cowboy - Toby Keith

Will I ever have children? Stacy's Mom- Fountains of Wayne (noooo! no more kids!!!)

What is some good advice for me? Something's broken - Tim McGraw

What is my signature dancing song? It only Hurts when I'm breathing - Shania Twain (hahahaha)

What do I think my current theme song is? Live like you were dying - Tim McGraw

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?I will remember you - Sarah McLachlan

What type of men/women do you like? This ain't no thinking thing - Trace Adkins

What kind of kisser are you? I like it, I love it - Tim McGraw

What's your style? I'm a believer - Smash Mouth

What kind of lover are you? Mustang Sally - Burners UK

What would be playing on a first date?Hey Baby - No doubt

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?Free - Faith Hill

Note: since I did this off my daughter's new iPod, it only had 250 songs to pick through; that's why it's so heavy on the country music! I snuck a few songs onto it, to try to broaden her horizons.

My baby

...won the first place pitching award for his whollllllllle bantam league.

Wooooooh! Guess that less than stellar performance the other day was just an off day.
But I still have the sunburn, and the memories.

busy busy

where did the weekend go?

.... probably down a storm drain. It's raining AGAIN. Surprise!

On Saturday I sat and fried in the sun while Son played his last baseball game. (I use "played" to mean "stood lethargically in the sun while the grounders rolled by him" and "got hit by a pitch and struck out". Not our best day.) I am the coolest mommy in the world. I mean, how many other moms cover their legs with the "bag" from a "chair-in-a-bag"? Really. Total class act. All of the coaches want me. If those damn weathermen had the FAINTEST IDEA that it would be sunny, I would have had sunscreen on my pasty white self.

Saturday evening the choir sang for our friend's wedding. Her mom looked like she wasn't a day over 35. What a dish. She was absolutely a beautiful, elegant woman in a strapless red column dress. I felt like I was truly her match in my shorts and sleveless shirt (all the better to display my tribal /lobster markings.) I was amused by one bridesmaid's tatoos (little angel wings on her shoulderblades).

Yesterday was a blur of housework, groceries, and so on.

I had to work all day today. So, now I am very tired. Adios! Au revoir. Auf wiedersehen.... and Aloha.

Keep talking

Today was the memorial service for my Great Aunt, Helena. Someone once said to me that a person is not truly gone as long as someone remembers them. That philosophy stuck with me. It is part of my enjoyment of scrapbooking. Put the stories down on paper, so that people will understand what's really happening in the pictures.

Above is a picture of Helena and her brother. Only one remains with us (the youngest, Freddie, in the center). This is one of the photos I put into an album, when we found my Aunt's photos of her family.

There were only a few people gathered for the service. I brought the album, and tried to explain to my son and daughter on the way there, that she had been cremated already and what that meant.

It was wonderful to see my father's uncle recognize himself in the photos (he is 92). One or two of his comments told me that I have people identified wrong. The person I thought was his grandpa, he was calling Uncle Earnest fairly consistently. Hmm. So now I plan to visit him and his wife with the book and hope that he can recall enough for me to preserve the correct information.

I wasn't sure I liked the pastor at first, but he seemed to know my Aunt well, and so I actually enjoyed his eulogy. He spoke of how pleasant it was to have a conversation with Helena - she was very talkative, but was a well educated woman, and always reading and keeping informed on current events. Her voice had a melodic quality that made it seem like she was almost singing to you. She never spoke sharply, but she would let you know clearly how she felt about the topic at hand, and she was tenacious. She generally got what she wanted.

I learned that she had many arts & crafts hobbies, which I guess I hadn't recalled from when I was younger. (A-hah! if you know me, that will definitely ring a bell... I'm forever trying new hobbies, collecting supplies, then moving on to the next new obsession)

I knew that she loved to travel, and would pack a bag on a moment's notice to go off on an adventure. (I have slides from her travels around the world. Stay tuned...) It never occured to me that I am like her in that way. I love to go somewhere new, try something different. She exposed me to the ballet for the first time. We didn't have much money when I was growing up, so to go to a performance like that was a pretty big deal for me.

Some of the family members present shared some memories (at the urging of my uncle, who is VERY quick to tell a dirty joke but equally able to pull out a sentimental little speech at the right times).

My father visited her many times during her four years in the nursing home. I never went, because she was very confused at times, did not remember many people, and it would have agitated her. But she remembered my parents since they visited weekly, and the last time my father saw her, he said that her birthday was coming up soon, and she remembered - "Oh! May 31." She didn't know that she was going to be 97, but I can hear in my head how she would have answered the question.

When it was my turn I mentioned "the room" at her house, the front bedroom where she kept her treasures and her art stuff, and how much I had enjoyed sneaking in there when I was a small child attending a family gathering. She would often come up with a little object of some sort for us to bring home. I mentioned one of her paintings which Sue has now, that she will treasure, and the cards Helena always sent us on our birthday. It was pretty much the same every time. A very quaint old style floral picture on the front, and inside a crisp five dollar bill, with a notation "Please buy something you would enjoy with the enclosed ". The cards came on birthdays and at Christmas-time without fail. Sue still has her last card. When I mentioned the notation nearly every head in the room nodded.

Then the fun REALLY started. You know there's one relative in every bunch who's the talker, right? You thought it would be me.

My father's cousin William stood up. Think Jack Nicholson approaching 75*. The same hair, the glasses, the green jacket. As I recall William worked "in radio" for a time. He can talk! He spoke for about 25 minutes. There were tidbits I didn't know, like the fact that Helena got her own home when she was in her 40's, (the house I remember) and previously had lived right next door. That she had gone the day after graduation to apply for the state job she held for so many years. She knew what she wanted, and didn't want to wait.

*how old is Jaaaaaaaack?

William has a habit of speaking with his eyes closed. My son asked me (in the car, thank god) whether he was blind. I said "No, but I always wondered that too when I was your age because I'd see him at a family gathering, he'd sit in a chair the whole time, and speak with his eyes closed")

There were some amusing side tangents he went off on, that bordered on hilarious. One was when he mentioned Helena breaking a hip, and how often that signals the approaching end because of course when a horse breaks a leg they're generally put down, except for that one that just won the Kentucky Derby. Really... he said all of that. Tthere were quiet giggles from the back of the room and a few gentle rebukes. ('William, we have a reservation at the restaurant...")

The he came back around to Helena and how shortly after she broke her hip she had to go into the nursing home. But where he went from there was pretty cool. He spoke of her again as a traveler and mentioned that she was impatient in the nursing home at times, true, but that was because she knew that she was waiting to begin her final journey, that would take her to be with her parents and her other brothers.

Sometimes you just have to listen for the gems.

In my dreams I'll always see you soar above the sky,
In my heart there will always be a place for you, for all my life,
I'll keep a part of you with me,
And everywhere I am, there you'll be.

Not surprising

So, the choir is singing for a wedding Saturday. We don't ordinarily do this, but Bride is a member of the choir.

We got together tonight to rehearse, and everyone handed me a few dollars so that I could put some crisp green moolah into the card that I made.

Everyone, except one person. Any guesses? Arrgh. It's not Mickey, Nicky, or Vicky, ya know.