More Adventures of RealMom

The scene: Carly is sitting in her room, casually flipping through a Silpada catalog to circle hints for her upcoming birthday.

(She's mad about certain nonsense she's putting up with from people she doesn't talk about here, in her happy place blog, but that's beside the point. Sort of. Because each time they annoy her from here on forward, she's adding $5 to the amount of jewelry she's going to buy herself.)

Suddenly, a bloodcurdling scream echoes through the house: "Mommmmmmmmmmmm!" Small feet that no longer pitter-patter are charging toward her.

Sobbing Child bursts into the room, exclaiming that a ring part thingie (technical stuff) has popped off her tooth but is still attached. She opens her mouth slightly, and it seems to be full of blood. She can not fully close her teeth.

Weeping, sobbing. Hysteria.

RealMom springs into action, dragging her into the bathroom(don't bleed on my rug dammit, I can't afford to replace it), dispatching menfolk to get a cup of water (do something useful, and get out of the way...) and generally making soothing remarks that sound nothing like "Oh damn, I already had my jammies on, now I have to go out tonight."

Rinsing with water yielded... dark brown muck. Gobs and gobs of muck. RealMom couldn't quite figure out how so much muck could have been used to attach one tiny little piece of braces or why it would be that awful color. Or, why everything smelled so much like Oreos.

Oh. Wait. (Did I mention this was after 9 pm?)

She was eating oreos, then went to brush her teeth, and the thingie broke.

A call to FriendlyHandsome Orthodontist (who is smart enough to give out magnetized business cards for each client's refrigerator) reveals that he is apparently away, but Other Friendly Orthodontist (sadly, not quite as handsome) will take emergency calls.

OFO returns call within 5 minutes (barely enough time to bitch and moan and indulge in self pity while putting on jeans) and explains to RealMom that she could just clip the wires herself if she wants. Hahaha. Oh. He was serious.

Negative, Ghost Rider, as Suzy would say. (or is it Ghost Writer?)

He then explains how to get to his office, which he is already at, because somewhere, some other girl is sobbing hysterically in HER house too, and she called first. Hah! We beat her there. In less time than it took to play phone tag, the offending ring is removed. It broke. Broke! Sigh. Now it's in RealMom's purse.

I'm pretty certain it still has Oreo gunk on it.