Everyone in Iceland is a poet

According to this guy at least: Eric Weiner. Two best quotes:

• "Happiness is other people, much more than we think. Personal happiness is an oxymoron. It really is about relationships with friends, family, strangers."


• "The great irony is that most Americans are pursuing happiness, but the pursuit of happiness is one of the chief sources of unhappiness."

I wonder if pursuing happiness damages the relationships in your life when you start to become too involved in thinking only about what you want, what you need, and forget to take those other people into account.

I am usually happiest when I'm busy. Well, as in, good-busy -- when I have plans to see friends and go places and do things that I want to do. Not as in, school-busy. I don't understand people who find fulfilment and identity in PTA stuff. I suppose that sounds like a horrible thing to say, and I don't mean to put anyone down. I just don't know how it feels to enjoy doing this stuff. I wish I did enjoy it. I have so damn much to do.

I was asked by more than one person to keep my current role for next year, and I JUST DON'T WANT TO. It's not a vanity thing, that I want to be begged. I don't like doing it all and I can't spare the chunk it carves out of my time. Time that I could be spent doing things I "need" do around the house, and time on my own artistic projects.

So I guess I am moving to Iceland. Right after I take a nap. I have decided to give up on the endless rounds of coke, pepsi, wine, and beer that I consume. I'm allowing people to believe it's "for Lent" if they need to. My primary reason is that I just don't feel well lately. Or fit my clothes. Without my 40 oz of soda a day (ballpark) I am, however, crabby and tired to the point of falling over.

The clothes thing aside, the more urgent moment was that about a week and a half ago I thought I felt my heart start to do that little thumpy-thump that it used to*, a few years back. Just in time for all the Wear Red for Women's Heart Health crap. I was really stressed out about a few things, and sitting there one day, I thought I felt something not right. It didn't flip as hard as it used to, didn't seem to get up to the old 220 BPM gallop, and it only lasted for a few seconds - I coughed pretty hard (that's one trick I used to do to correct the abnormal rhythms I used to have and I did it without even thinking about it). It stopped. But did it ever really start? I'm still not sure. I freaked out hard about it for a few days. It took me a couple of years to get up the guts to have the first ablation. They promised me it would cure the problem forever. I don't even have followup visits. But what if that wasn't right?

Now, there is at least one person reading this who is about to pick up the phone or email me and say "why didn't you tell me?" I don't know. I just don't. I'm not really looking for sympathy or encouragement or... I don't know what. Was it my imagination, the stress of the day? I've had some really bad days at work lately. I'm honestly not sure. I'm not going to the doctor unless it happens again(wearing a Holter monitor never caught it in the past, and I don't want to deal with another 24 hour test). It hasn't happened since then. Not overloading on caffeine can only improve my odds of avoiding future episodes.

So. Iceland it is.

*A/V Node Re-entry. Technical lingo for "fucked up heartbeat". Long winded details way back here, where I thought I left them.