What would they write on the traffic ticket?

Went to get groceries last night about 7 pm. Brr. (Many bags filling my trunk, but what did I buy??????)

Went out to leave for work this morning. It was 9 degrees out. As my friend said, THERE SHOULD BE A NUMBER IN FRONT OF THE NINE. Preferably the number would be greater than I can count to using one hand. Wind chill currently "minus something".

I hit the door unlock button on my car remote. Nothing happens. No clicky-click. Front passenger door won't open.

Go to back door. Get lucky there. Open door, put in briefcase and purse.

Go to driver's side door. Tug. Hit unlock. Yank in utter futility. Curse.

Return to passenger side rear door, the only one that will open. Climb in. Climb OVER to front seat and wonder if at least one neighbor will see me, in my clunky boots and long coat.

Pull out of driveway after wrestling coat under control and buckling seatbelt. NYState, it's the law. I always do it - I'm a big believer (even when you're in the back seat) But I hate the feeling of strangling in a winter coat and being buckled in.

Drive down street, three houses, hit pothole. DING. "Trunk ajar" lights up.

Realize lock to TRUNK froze too and didn't latch when groceries were removed last night.
Ponder choices. Pull over to side of road. Unlock again, and push driver door open.

Slam trunk. Test. It's closed.

Get back in driver's side. Pull door shut. Watch, astonished as it BOUNCES BACK OPEN. DING! "Driver's door ajar". Slam. Bounce. Ding! "Driver's door ajar".

Ponder driving back home (holding door shut) and returning to my electric blanket.

Ohh. An idea. Pull door shut as snugly as I can. Press "lock". Ding! "Driver's door ajar". No, it's effing flapping in the breeze.

Sit. Fume. Wonder if my anger will thaw door lock. Ponder driving down highway holding door closed. Try to remember high school physics to figure out if my arm will get ripped off if I take a curve at a high rate of speed. Abandon idea of holding anything since I am a spaz and need to drive with BOTH hands on wheel.

Pull door shut snugly again. Hit lock. Partial success. Rattles but won't open if shoved.

Stew some more.

Decide to risk it (since door doesn't actually swing open any longer, just rattles) and start driving again.

Stop at red light and open door, slam shut, hit lock, say prayer of thanks when it closes right.

Wonder how I made it to the age of 42. Wish for a garage I can park in.