Ticket to Heaven

I try not to blog about the arguments I have with my nearest and/or dearest. I try not to blog things that could lead that guy in Uzquickistonia who keeps hitting my webpage to my to my door. I try not to blog about people who have no idea that I have a blog. I try not to blog things that would scandalize me if someone figured out this is MY blog.

I tried not to blog this because it's not my kid or my story. It's killing me.


So, I know a guy with a kid. Let's call the kid Ralphie. He is a good kid who just doesn't move all that fast sometimes. His dad is always trying to light a fire under him during basketball games. This is the kid who, after his team scores a basket, doesn't run past the center of the court because the other team will probably make a basket now and then everybody will come back up this way anyway. You can just see him thinking it. He's a 10 year old boy. Dad loves him, but when Dad is at his wit's end with Ralphie, he calls him "My little ticket to heaven".

The other day Dad was working on the computer at home, taking apart a mouse, and the trackball etc was scattered around, with a screwdriver or two, on top of the desk. Dad was under the desk reconnecting some computer cables and Ralphie came along and said "Dad, what's this?" and commented that it looked like Dad was building a bomb. Dad just sort of laughed at the ten year old's logic (or lack of) and said "Ralphie, if you think you can, go ahead and try".

Little Ralphie went to school yesterday and remarked during art class "My dad and I are going to build a bomb."

Art Teacher freaked (it's her first year) and brought him to the principal. The principal called Dad, who said "EXCUSE ME?" and kind of lost it a little. Just a little.

It's all OK now. But Dad has since produced (dddddddddddd drumroll)

the Top 10 Reasons Why Ralphie can't be a Terrorist

10. Doesn't know how to find Bin Laden in the phone book
9. Refuses to empty lunch box to conceal it
8. Would need to study more than 15 minutes to complete assembly
7. Already knows I won't carry his bags into school for him
6. Dad was too busy to help build it
5. Myth Busters (Ralphie's favorite TV show) hasn't aired that episode yet
4. Turban doesn't fit right with all his cowlicks
3. Concerned he would have to write 100 times 'I will not make a bomb' in cursive
2. No Golden Arches in the hills of Afganistan

And #1,

Knows he'd need to run after detonating it