Harder to breathe

Today was NOT a good day. Much like a old hard drive, I am so fragmented that I can't seem to accomplish ANY task. And they multiply. They sit on my desk and expand like that foam that you spray in cracks, and it expands and expands and then no air can get through. And I count them and think "shit, there's so many." And the counting, the lists, it's just a way to avoid the doing and the nagging whispers of the other things that are on my mind.

People are bugging me. People in my family, from my work (one client didn't listen to my instructions, then when I did what I said he should do and it worked, he said "I guess all it needed was a woman's touch." Eff you, pal. Really.) From my kid's school, people taking things they aren't entitled to (from a Catholic school, dammit, aren't we supposed to be above this crap? why do you bother sending your child to this school, when you would so willingly steal?) and everything. Everywhere. Everyone.

I don't want to deal with people around me getting laid off and people harrassing me about the pre-holiday plans that *I* choose to make, and who I invite to my home, and who I don't, and what I do with my kids when they have days off. I will not be made to feel like an ungrateful person because I don't accept a "solution" that's horribly inconvenient for me and serves only the purpose of the person offering it.



You drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here
This double vision I was seeing is finally clear
You want to stay but you know very well I want you gone
Not fit to fuckin' tread the ground that I'm walking on
When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe