Friday, October 09, 2009

Smashing

So, I have still been fighting with this sinus infection. Mornings are tough.

Today I was on the couch trying to watch FlashForward on my dvr and I kept dozing off so it took about two hours to get all the scenes. When did I turn into a 90 year old lady?

I went to walk into the other part of my house and there over the kitchen doorway was a GIANT effing dark brown spider. I think if he hadn't been on my lovely white ceiling moulding I might not have noticed him QUITE as quickly, but... This guy could probably spin a web big enough to trap one of those annoying yappy taco bell dogs.

I'd post a photo (because yes I took a picture) but blogger doesn't want to accommodate me this evening.

I didn't want to walk under him, because hewilljumpinmyhair, dammit. So I looked in the garage for spray, but we are all about yellowjackets and not so much with spiders. Plus I didn't want to spray chemicals on my lovely tan walls and possibly wreck them.

I thought about throwing a baseball to crush him but 1) I suck and would never hit him. 2) bouncing? In my kitchen? Near my lovely ceiling light w three globes? Again, not so much for a plan.

Plan C was to climb on a chair and whack the hell out of it and pray he wouldn't fall (or jumponme, ohmygod) or scurry away somewhere only to return to build a web on my face while I sleep.

So I decided to use TWO chairs near each other. I would climb on one, step with ONE foot onto the second, and be able to retreat without jumping down to the floor and killing myself.

I rolled about 20 sheets of newspaper into a MAJOR club. Hemmed, hawwed, and finally thought, "oh crap, I have to do this."

It went pretty well except when I whacked him. I heard myself say "Mohhhhhhm!" as sort of an audible cringe, as I connected with the club and he dropped to the floor. On floor, not in my hair - check. Not moving - check. Me not falling off chairs - check.

I swear to god the word MOM had not been out of my mouth for ten seconds and my phone rang.

It was my mother.

I would NOT lie to you, internets.

Carly(via Blackberry)

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