So! Yesterday I was chaperone for the 8th grade trip to Manhattan. We had the kids almost outnumbered... twelve kids and ten adults. We are friends, after all, us parents, bound together as allies in this war they call "parenting".

It was a long day, I tell you. Especially with one kid, the one who breaks easily and often, who was sneaking Mountain Dew and Skittles behind our backs and bouncing off the walls all day. Catholic school kids, seeing adult video stores (FROM THE BUS ONLY, thank you) and the Naked Cowboy, all in one day.

Speaking of cowboys, I was also keeping an eye out for Marlboro Man and Ree but I didn't see them... if you are a fan of Pioneer Woman, she was/is in Manhattan this week. In a crowd of millions, I somehow couldn't manage to track her down. Phooey. (If you're not a fan, get over there and start reading! I plan to try some of her Photoshop action sets on my photos from the city. )

Ahh... my photos. They suck. They are made of a giant pile of suck. We had a tour guide who had arranged for us to go to the Top of the Rock (which is the tall building in Rockefeller Center). I was eager. I was ready. I had three sets of batteries and I took all of the plane pictures off my memory card after I put them on my computer...and on snapfish... and a few on flickr and... wait, where was I?

Oh.... the Top of the Rock. It shall forever be asterisked in my mind with "That Place We Went That Supposedly Has Fantastic Views But Was Entirely Surrounded by Fcking Clouds." Ahem. And of course, later in the afternoon, when I couldn't go back, it was sunny and clear. (insert cussing...)

I'm not the only one who was slightly disappointed by scheduling... the American Idols are apparently doing a concert on the plaza TODAY. Ooops.

We also went to Madame Tussad's. That was moderately entertaining. Mostly because I could see how tall some of the celebrities are, or aren't. Holy crap, our President is tall. I have a picture of me grabbing Bill Clinton's buns, and one standing next to Brangelina ( Jenn is waaaay over on the other side of the room, blalahahahahaha. ) There was also a George Clooney, in a very nice suit, seated at a cafe table with his hand outstretched. It made a great photo, sitting there holding his hand, what with me in my beautiful, sky blue... windbreaker, and jeans. Hmmph. I went for comfort over fashion. I know. Whatever. There were French girls there who were poking and touching the models (you're not supposed to touch face/hair) and they drove me crazy. Also I swear I spied a real person mixed in with the dolls. My daughter thought so too. His eyes moved. I really think so. Creepy.

I hit the Espn zone quickly to grab something for Mr. Left Behind and Sulking. In the bar there was a soccer game on tv and the crowd went crazy just after I walked in. Aw, shucks, you guys, I didn't even dress up... what? Oh. Who got a goal? I never did figure out. I asked an employee what they were watching and he rolled his eyes and said "soccer" and shrugged. I was hoping for a TEAM NAME, genius.

I need to add a few remarks here about the insanity in Times Square. Part of it is now closed to vehicle traffic, and there are lawn chairs spread all over the street. You read that right. Lawn chairs. Folding metal/ vinyl cheapo lawn chairs. I guess the idea is that it is supposed to give people a place to stop, and sit, and take it all in. Here are my thoughts on that:

• the cab drivers absofuckinglutely hate it
• it's kind of random, giving the effect that there is a blackout going on in the city
• there is not enough hand sanitizer in the city to make me sit on one of those chairs

I didn't see any hookers on this trip. I did see Donald Trump, Jr, I think. He's a tool. I also snuck off from the group and hit Junior's Cheesecake for a slice of cheesecake/carrot cake for the bus ride home. When I rejoined the group they were having none of my nonsense and I had to lead about half of them back to the store so that they could buy some too. Hehee.

I will go through the camera later, and see what I can salvage. For now I'm off to field trip number two, with Mr. Left. Pray for me. Fourth, Fifth, and Sixth graders today. What was I thinking??????

Sunday art

Today's artist is Miro Sinovcic . (Don't miss this page.)

He paints NYC, and they're the kind of paintings that you have to lean back and sort of squint at to really appreciate, but I definitely like them. I love the pallette of colors he uses. (And to be honest, this is kind of what the world looks like to me without my glasses....)

Parting shots

Apparently Spencer & Heidi were at Central Park the same day we were. I only wish I'd seen then so I could go up and flick my finger against his forehead and say "you're SUCH a twit".

B was desperately hoping to see the Jonas Brothers at their "favorite" restaurant in little Italy but we did get a picture of her, standing in front of it hopefully looking around at everyone nearby.

We wanted to spend much more time in the park, and I want to go back to the museums, and the kids have never seen a show, not even the Rockefeller Christmas show, so we have a long list of things to do when we return (B was very miffed that we couldn't go to the wax museum so that she could see Miley. Please. $120 (for all of us) for her to stand next to one doll and then say "I'm hungry, when's lunch?" I don't think so.)

Someday. When I finish my remodeling, which :::;drumroll::: might start soon. In a week, maybe. Yeah, I know. That's not a flashy announcment. This stuff is crawling along and I really wanted it done by the 4th of July but that looks out of reach now. At least I have May to more or less get things packed out of the way from the family room & kitchen. It's gonna be a BIG mess, I can feel it in my bones.

Bleeding Love

Not sure if you caught Leona Lewis on Idol tonight. My kid has liked her for a couple of weeks now and so the song is stuck in my head for good. Here's her giant face on the front of Virgin Records in Times Square (that's Mariah's foot over her head)

What, you thought this post wouldn't be about the city? sorry...

Brooklyn Bridge

...and I promise to stop talking about Manhattan. Soon. Soon-ish.

Did I tell you that there were police everywhere, and I mean everywhere, police standing and police on horses and people who were clearly police with sniffer dogs and...some people might be nervous about that; I wasn't really bothered by it all. We had arranged our plans to sort of stay out of the Pope's way on Friday. So it was no big deal.

One NYPD officer was very nice to my son. He and his partner had a truck, it was a some sort of power generator truck, and it was near St. Pat's. We were waiting for other family members to finish something, and so I took my son over and introduced him. The officers were really friendly and took a bunch of photos with the kids and made it a very cool moment for my son.

We also made friends with our cab driver; there are only four cabbies in NYC who are SAG members and so when a movie is filmed in town and they need cabbies, this guy is usually somewhere on the set. I'll have to look for him; he talked about being in some movie Julia Roberts is filming now. (Duplicity, with Clive Owen, who is NOT hard on the eyeballs, thank you.)

Just curious

I often listen to. "Beach house" by Tony Braasch when too many people arond me at work are yakking. I just need to not be able to make out their words so that I can focus. It's waves against rocks and there's a wind chime faintly jingling. It's an hour long so I tend to accomplish quite a bit.

I wonder if there is a similar mp3 of white noise sounds of the city? I mean, I don't really like crickets or wolf sounds, and I'm just still in Why Can't I Go Back to Manhattan Now mode

Carly(via Blackberry)

More shots

Central Park & St. Patrick's....

Sunday Art

One of the luxuries of having a digital camera is being able to take as many photos as you want, or hand the camera to your kid and let them play and learn. You can delete any Ooops or Ughs later.

So, two photos by my son. He had plenty of shots where his hand got in front of the lens, but some gems too. There is probably nothing remarkable about the photo above, except that I just like the candid nature of it. I'm very ok with random shots of "nothing."

I'm definitely hoping he continues to enjoy the hobby.

Goodies

We got the usual shirts and magnets on our trip; I also purchased a Dean & Deluca tote bag - I'll be using it for work, because I have my laptop and my lunch and my wallet and blah, blah blah. I sprayed the hell out of it today with a waterproofing spray I got at "Lids" for my son's white Yankee cap.

I also got this (Americaware.com) because I liked that it's giant (for 16 oz of tea, of course, not wine, I would not ever drink wine in this) and that it's sculpted in a wee bit of 3-d.

But, no Coach bag. Or Tiffany dragonfly bracelet.

What is sweet about the sorrow?

It's so hard to get in the car, and look out the window at you as I pull away. Everything behind me gets smaller and smaller, and then when I inevitably have to turn away, and leave you in my back window, I feel that cold steely hand clench around my heart and squeeze. My stomach flips over inside of me, and lands with a dark thud that echoes through me until it escapes with a weary sigh.

This visit is over, it pains me to know that I will carry around this empty space inside for a while; the space that is so filled with joy, when I am there.

Now, I am here. Back to "normal".

"There" is excitement. Possibility. Energy. New thoughts and ideas and things to discover. All so unattainable on any permanent basis.

"Here" is just so ordinary and routine and the same. And lonely, somehow -- a contradiction in that there are SO many people around me. And yet. Lonely. This, unfortunately, IS permanent.

I hope it won't be too long before I see you again. But the tiny, quiet fear is always there. What if this was the last time? What if there is no next time?

Seriously

Honestly. It's a candy store. An effing AWESOME candy store full of candy I don't even like. but still.

I mean, really. How can you not want to go there?

Oh, and my daughter has about 350 pictures to my 250. I've created a monnnnster.

Only the core remains

So. I am blogging from a limo. Carlyrella went and tooled around Manhattan this week. But it's almost midnight and soon I will be surrounded by pumpkin mush.

We went down to the big apple and played for a few days. On Wednesday I strolled into Tiffany's and tried on a $9750 dragonfly bracelet cuff. It was three rows of dragonflies; their heads were pearls, their bodies were diamonds and the wings were white gold. I was pretty shocked when the clerk took it out of the case and put it on my arm. Carly can't buy that because Carly's kids have wonky teeth and so $10k has to go to braces.

I also looked at a $400 Coach bag. It was pink leather and I really liked it, but that's not really in the cards. I only saw one hooker this week so I didn't get a chance to network enough to get in the biz.

While the boys went to The Longest Yankee Game the girls walked through Central Park (love it) and ate at Tavern on the Green (mehhhhh)

Yesterday we rode the bus tour around. Lunch at Il Palazzo (excellent) and then ate dinner at Junior's right off Times square. I had a giant slab of carrot cake - enclosed cheesecake. (Pics to follow). I really just wanted to be alone with it but my kids staged a fork intervention sooo....

Times Square at night - does it get any better?

We stayed at the Belvedere Hotel (kinda basic but fine) which is right across the street from a school Alicia Keyes once attended. When we pulled up in our limo there was some interest in our limo, but then "nobody" (my brother in law ) got out. Hah

Today we did Today and the NBC tour. We staked out a spot and watched the setup for the fourth hour and then acted like jackasses cheering so we'd be on camera. . Kathie Lee Gifford threw a cookie at me. Oookay.
So we spent time at Rockefeller and at this point I can barely walk. I got blisters on my blisters.

Oh yeah, and some Catholic guy is in town. Whatevs.

Mr C. said to my daughter "can you imagine if you came to the city and everyone dropped what they were doing?". She said "they DID, didn't they?"
Carly(via Blackberry)

Looking ahead, and back

The last couple of days before a vacation are the WORST. Everyone wants everything "before you go" and no one seems to remember that you'll be back soon, and most of it can be handled then. Can I PLEASE just go on vacation?

We have some typical adventures planned- a yankees game for the boys, Tavern on the green for the girls. Also plenty of wandering around and eating all sorts of great food.

Also we will go to the world trade center site, to pay our respects... I can't put it into words very well but I want my kids to see and feel it all, and keep it close to their heart. We will look at the exhibits that are at the chapel across the street, where the rescue workers took their breaks and were counseled by clergy.

My hope is that my kids will stand there with me in the park behind the church, and look at that big empty space, and be moved to say a prayer with me and think about all of those people, and their families, and be thankful for our soldiers and say a prayer for them too.

Yanks acquire Ex-Cardinal

(from ESPN )

We are JUST BARELY missing the Pope when HE visits NYC. Soooo, I got a good laugh out of this one.

Things I wish I could have done in NYC

It occurred to me this morning that I didn't get to do several things that I wanted to in NYC last month.

• check out the concourse level of Rockefeller center
• visit St. Patrick's Cathedral
• spend an entire day at one of the museums
• see a broadway show
• shop in Macy's
• stay...

Parting words

I love Manhattan. I really do. I told my mother that I would live there in a heartbeat if I could. I think her heart skipped a beat, in horror. She hated living there (but she lived in the Bronx when I was born. SO not the same thing.)

Several times over my short trip I found myself walking down the street (usually 5th ave, but Broadway too) thinking "Oh my god, I love it here." I really wanted to stay forever. Maybe it was the novelty of how many things there are to do in Manhattan. I want to visit all of the galleries and museums, hang out on a blanket in Central Park, go visit the Statue... so many things, so little time.

I've already started my escape fund, so that I can go back alone again. I'm SO not kidding. No one to feed/dress/pick up after? Life is good. Sitting on my bed in my hotel room in my underwear, having a drink and eating pastry from a little bakery I found down the street, while I watch a nice flat screen tv? (sorry, TMI there probably but...) that was a little slice of bliss for me.

In and around my training (yes! business travel - gotta love it) I managed to see QUITE a bit in just a few days. Here are some highlights:

• Empire State Building. We covered the wait, and the smell. But it is a great view and a damn good looking building.





• Rockefeller center... apparently Top of the Rock is "the new ESB"... better view, including the ESB AND Central Park... and appointments instead of lonnnnng waits. No ice in the summer, but of course:

(there is a nice little cafe across the street, http://www.deananddeluca.com/ where you can get an iced tea and something to nosh on to pep up, midafternoon, and shop for gourmet treats)


• You can tour NBC studios, again with a specific appointment time rather than just waiting aimlessly in line. (Note: I called ahead, the person on the phone told me there were NO more slots open on the tours that day; when I actually walked in to double check since I went up to walk around Rockefeller center anyway, I easily purchased a ticket for a tour that would start an hour later. Moron. Don't answer the phone if you don't know what you're talking about.) So anyway, the Saturday Night Live studio is a fun tour. No cameras allowed... I also volunteered along with some other woman to do the news in a mock newsroom setup for the tour. That damn teleprompter scrolls fast. (Yes, I am That Girl Who Volunteers... no one knew me - why not?)
  
• Food. FOOD! I had a phenomenal dish at Salmon River (about 40th & Madison). It was Hibachi salmon. Japanese mushrooms & eggplant and seaweed and rice noodles. It was to die for. And of course when I went to Lunella Ristorante I enjoyed that meal just as much.



• I even saw Kathy Griffin do her comedy act. What? Yes, ok, it was on Bravo and I was in my room. Whatever. I love her.
  
• Dear bitch at the starbucks attached to my Lilliputian hotel : I don't care if you don't like it that I asked for a cup of ice water along with my food and beverage I bought. Don't bitch to your pal about how "We are hydrating the people of NYC and we can't even charge for it." Yes, I heard you. That is why I made you fill the cup with water when I noticed you'd only put ice in it. I don't make the policy, your boss does. PS: I would have paid for it, if there was a charge. I was thirsty, dammit.
  
• I bought this , and this and put back this in the MoMA store. Wanted to buy at least 3 MORE.
  


• Wanna buy a bridge? I've got one.
  

More NY

Yesterday afternoon I had time to tool around Manhattan before my train ride home. So I used the Gray Line bus tour (once I figured out that all you have to do to get a ticket is walk up to one of the guys holding up the poster of the bus tour route! D'oh!!) and did some sightseeing. It was gorgeous weather, by the way. I had a great lunch in Little Italy. Yum, pasta and wine. Two of my very favorite things.

During part of my touring I went to the WTC site. It's fenced in, of course, to keep people like me out of the way. There's a new building, shown here, that replaces one that fell after the two main towers, later in the evening. I thought the way that it reflected the clouds was beautiful. (They're still working on the overall site, obviously.)

I sat across the street in the cemetary/ garden behind St. Paul's chapel. It's across the street from where I took the first picture. I was there more or less to pay my respects, and I ended up thinking for a while about what it must be like to lose your soulmate, your partner, your best friend. How it must feel at times like it was someone else's life, that time so long ago, almost six years gone. Then in the blink of an eye, something happens - a rainy day or a particular song, a glimpse of someone in a crowd, or the mention of any random little favorite thing that you shared, and bam. It feels like it was only yesterday.

I thought about how my life has changed, since that day. I guess I thought along those lines because it was the same type of sunny, warm day - - with a sky so bright and beautiful it's hard to imagine that it could be any other shade of blue, ever. I thought about the relationships in my life -- the ones I still have, and the ones I don't.

I thought about the person who was my best friend on September 11th, and how I had to cut her out of my life a couple of years ago. She had been home on maternity leave on 9-11, and was reacting to things as she saw them live on tv, and telling me about them over the phone. Now we don't speak.

Things deteriorated between us over time, for various reasons, until I finally had to say "no thank you... you can keep that." You see, if someone gives you something, you can choose to keep it, or refuse to accept it. I just could not accept the disrespect and other negative things she continuously gave to me. (When I finally told her how I felt, her husband sent me an email insulting me repeatedly and twisting every part of my life around to put a negative spin on it. That's when I was 100% sure I had done the right thing.)

I thought about some of my other friendships, and how certain friends have encouraged me to follow silly little dreams like "I can run a 5K", and how those friends manage to see the very best parts of me, and encourage me to be THAT girl. (Yes, you. I love you for that. You know who you are. )

There are definitely areas of my life that are in varying degree of disarray; I don't usually blog about them for two reasons. One, this blog was started for creative writing / "happy place" purposes. Corny, but true. The other is that I don't want to put some of these things out on the internet. I mean, why do people really blog about their worst problems?? (Who doesn't have problems?? Raise your hand, so I can punch you.) Anyway, I mull them over, I try to figure out what to do, how to get out of the tangle of knots I have put myself in. Some days, I feel like I'm wandering around without a map, but I haven't given up hope just yet.

If you've ever heard of Keith Anderson, he has a haunting song about chasing your dreams, called "I'll know when I get there". It's completely different from his other "stuff". I love it because it encapsulates that feeling I carry inside, that I know exactly what I want, and I'm not really sure I can ever have it, but if I ever manage to get there, I'll know, and I'll be so damn grateful, I won't waste a moment of it.

(A more upbeat post will follow, in a day or two, with a few final shots from my touring. )

A - NY Minute

Greetings from Manhattan... home of the Empire State Building. If you take the letters of the words "Empire State Building" and rearrange them, you get "Big line - me, despair" with the letters TUT left over (for Thousands of Unsuspecting Tourists).

Last night I "called ahead to see what the wait time is" because when I bought my ticket online there was a number to do that. Sucker! He told me 15 minutes. (another anagram - butt lie, me despairing....) It was about 15 minutes before my totebag was x-rayed. BUT....

Then I waited in a line that snaked one way, then another. Every five minutes the line would lurch forward about 100 people or so. It didn't seem too bad. Then I realized that when the line left my area of sight, it was just ANOTHER line in another hallway. At last - the elevators. Which open to reveal, yes, another line. Snaking around a floor that is under reconstruction and currently looks like something any slumlord would be proud to own. The purpose of this floor seems to be to put you in front of a green screen to fake a beautiful shot of you on top of the building... which will later be offered to you for $25. (It was a crummy picture of me, so no.)

After well over 90 minutes, when my feet really effing hurt, I finally popped out at the top. Well, the gift shop at the top, of course. And then I went outside to the cool night air. Which smelled like garbage and other things I don't want to think about, on certain areas of the observation deck. Really special. Maybe I was just tired, but after a few minutes I was all "Meh.... damn... I waited so long to come up here, now I can't just leave in 5 minutes...."

It was a little bit of a bummer because I was up there alone, and there were of course couples making out everywhere. So there's that. Maybe I'll have better luck with the NBC tour tonight, if I can get in... I'm sure it's only a 10 or 15 minute wait.

Carly, out!