Saturday, August 27, 2005

Flash Fiction Friday #5

If you've never joined in, click on the title link to visit Purgatorian, and read the other stories at least. You might still have time this week. If not, there's always next Friday.



Big Tree

My heart broke...

The tree had been split nearly in half by the lightning strike. The sight of the scorched wood brought tears to my eyes.

I stood at the top of the hill, and I looked at the beautiful farmland, extending as far as the eye could see. Our farm. Two family farms, joined together. The rolling fields of corn and wheat, so close to harvest. The air was fresh and cool after the storm.

This was our tree. The tree we climbed when we were young and you were just a awkward boy with long skinny limbs full of energy.

This was the tree you pulled me behind for our first kiss. I remember how my heart fluttered as you took my hand and pulled me out of sight of the house, and how I had to stand on my tiptoes to reach up to your warm mouth.

We courted here, and you proposed to me under this tree, by the light of the harvest moon, all of those years ago.

This was the tree we would sit under in the heat of summer, dreaming of the children that were to come. I'd make a basket of fried chicken, some biscuits, and we'd sip sweet tea from mason jars.

This was the tree I tied a yellow ribbon around, when you finally came home to me from the war.

When the children came, you helped them climb up into the tree, because it had grown so much by then. You hung up a swing for them, and their laughter drifted out over the farm. I miss that sound.

This tree was meant to shade you forever, William.

I knelt down and brushed a few leaves off of the stone, and traced your name with my fingertip. Has it really been five years?

15 comments:

Michele Catino said...

Great story. I have a few crits if you care... take them or leave them...

Misplaced modifier on
.. top of the hill, looking around me... sounds like the hill is looking around you...

"This was our tree, William." Just add the quotes and I will realize the tree is not named William.

Tree WE climbed when YOU were a boy? Tree we climbed when we were young...?

Nice flow. Good read. Thanks.
(But ZZ Top pounds)bzztp

Carly said...

...thanks!

xfgjyu... why does EVERY verification word I see have an X in it???

x frustrates game joiners, you understand

Johnny Virgil said...

I have to disagree with the last critique on one point. This sentence -- "The tree we climbed when we were young and you were just a awkward boy with long skinny limbs full of energy." -- is just fine. After all, you were never an awkward boy. At least I don't think you were.

This bit: "This was the tree I tied a yellow ribbon around, when you finally came home to me from the war." makes it sound like you tied the yellow ribbon on AFTER he came home, which I'm sure you didn't mean.

Johnny Virgil said...

oh wait -- you already corrected it. Nevermind.

Monkey said...

Hey Carly,

Following the FFF5 comment log. I love the scorched tree. How grieving is never ending. We get dragged back into the pit of it every now and again, even years later, by the strangest events.

urhkvi

Ugly rodents hate kangaroos very intensely

Anonymous said...

Everyone's stories are so sad this week! What's the deal?

Anonymous said...

PS I'm Blogrolling you... I need some almost 40 company!

:)

onescrappychick said...

well damn.

It was a good read, nice job. I wasn't expecting the ending however.

John deviated quietly, very silently indeed (jdqvsi)

ShaanCho said...

Very nice story. A slight jerk at 'you were just a awkward boy with long skinny limbs full of energy'...but what a smooth end!

btw, i m blogrolling u. I suppose it's a bit lonely at the brink of 40.

Maddie said...

Great job! This weeks FFF "My heart broke" is tearing me up. Hopefully JJ will go cheerful next week.


ukioqmfz

unkempt kisses indeed obediently quench my foolish zaftig

Loz said...

i loved the comparison... the skinny limbs full of energy and the tree, growing and changing over the years.
it felt very imtimate, nicely written.

Loz said...

oops i just re-read that.
I can spell, I meant 'intimate'.

Girl With An Alibi said...

Reminds me of a poem I wrote about my great grandfather's tree. Very beautiful.

HighMaintenanceHussy said...

It really evokes a lot of emotion. The starting sentence seems to have prompted a lot of serious pieces about loss.

To answer your question, my first time was great. I even lit up afterwards, and I don't even smoke. ;)

JimMiller said...

Wow that was really nice. Sad, but nicely done.

Things will get better... right?

I distinctly remember a day in... maybe February?  I remember the moment, but not what day it was. I was sitting at work thinking about plan...