Big Tree
My heart broke...
The tree had been split nearly in half by the lightning strike. The sight of the scorched wood brought tears to my eyes.
I stood at the top of the hill, and I looked at the beautiful farmland, extending as far as the eye could see. Our farm. Two family farms, joined together. The rolling fields of corn and wheat, so close to harvest. The air was fresh and cool after the storm.
This was our tree. The tree we climbed when we were young and you were just a awkward boy with long skinny limbs full of energy.
This was the tree you pulled me behind for our first kiss. I remember how my heart fluttered as you took my hand and pulled me out of sight of the house, and how I had to stand on my tiptoes to reach up to your warm mouth.
We courted here, and you proposed to me under this tree, by the light of the harvest moon, all of those years ago.
This was the tree we would sit under in the heat of summer, dreaming of the children that were to come. I'd make a basket of fried chicken, some biscuits, and we'd sip sweet tea from mason jars.
This was the tree I tied a yellow ribbon around, when you finally came home to me from the war.
When the children came, you helped them climb up into the tree, because it had grown so much by then. You hung up a swing for them, and their laughter drifted out over the farm. I miss that sound.
This tree was meant to shade you forever, William.
I knelt down and brushed a few leaves off of the stone, and traced your name with my fingertip. Has it really been five years?
15 comments:
Great story. I have a few crits if you care... take them or leave them...
Misplaced modifier on
.. top of the hill, looking around me... sounds like the hill is looking around you...
"This was our tree, William." Just add the quotes and I will realize the tree is not named William.
Tree WE climbed when YOU were a boy? Tree we climbed when we were young...?
Nice flow. Good read. Thanks.
(But ZZ Top pounds)bzztp
...thanks!
xfgjyu... why does EVERY verification word I see have an X in it???
x frustrates game joiners, you understand
I have to disagree with the last critique on one point. This sentence -- "The tree we climbed when we were young and you were just a awkward boy with long skinny limbs full of energy." -- is just fine. After all, you were never an awkward boy. At least I don't think you were.
This bit: "This was the tree I tied a yellow ribbon around, when you finally came home to me from the war." makes it sound like you tied the yellow ribbon on AFTER he came home, which I'm sure you didn't mean.
oh wait -- you already corrected it. Nevermind.
Hey Carly,
Following the FFF5 comment log. I love the scorched tree. How grieving is never ending. We get dragged back into the pit of it every now and again, even years later, by the strangest events.
urhkvi
Ugly rodents hate kangaroos very intensely
Everyone's stories are so sad this week! What's the deal?
PS I'm Blogrolling you... I need some almost 40 company!
:)
well damn.
It was a good read, nice job. I wasn't expecting the ending however.
John deviated quietly, very silently indeed (jdqvsi)
Very nice story. A slight jerk at 'you were just a awkward boy with long skinny limbs full of energy'...but what a smooth end!
btw, i m blogrolling u. I suppose it's a bit lonely at the brink of 40.
Great job! This weeks FFF "My heart broke" is tearing me up. Hopefully JJ will go cheerful next week.
ukioqmfz
unkempt kisses indeed obediently quench my foolish zaftig
i loved the comparison... the skinny limbs full of energy and the tree, growing and changing over the years.
it felt very imtimate, nicely written.
oops i just re-read that.
I can spell, I meant 'intimate'.
Reminds me of a poem I wrote about my great grandfather's tree. Very beautiful.
It really evokes a lot of emotion. The starting sentence seems to have prompted a lot of serious pieces about loss.
To answer your question, my first time was great. I even lit up afterwards, and I don't even smoke. ;)
Wow that was really nice. Sad, but nicely done.
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