Choppers

So, this is how I spent my lunchtime yesterday, patiently waiting for these to be yanked out of my child's jaw. Blahhhhh. I had to look at them, so you do too. Mwahhh. And just for the record I did try to wash the blood off.

But it smelled like feet...

Washing that scarf? That black, I-didn't- think-it-was- THAT-fuzzy scarf? Not such a great idea. Especially with things like the new celtics jersey my son wanted so badly (#5... alternate home jersey, green with black numbers and edges and now, special limited edition, weird black fuzz all over it - hopefully for a very short time only!!!)

Rough rough morning

I am late almost every day for work. (I need to be more thankful that it doesn't matter, because I don't punch a clock. But I'm late for the time that I'm aiming for.) If I am running late for work, I get frustrated, just like anyone. The later I get, the more I get tweaked out.

This morning was exponentially high on the "awful Monday" scale.

I was still cooking eggs this morning for Toothy Grin, and that went off fairly well until I tried to put a little thing of spreadable butter back into the fridge. Dropped it, picked it up, dropped it, the lid popped off, arrrgh. Washed the lid, (because of course it dropped butter side down) dropped the towel on the floor, stepped on it, so help me dear Lord, please just let me go to work.

I went out to my car with too many things in my hands and forgot my sunglasses. Then I sent Kid2 in for them, and started cleaning out my car, because it had some empty drink cups and so on cluttering it up. That was when I managed to drop my car keys into our garbage can. Gross. It's one of those really big ones that the automated trucks lift and dump. So I tried to grab a rake to "fish" for them because no way was Momma going to lean into that giant can given the day I was having, (and it's almost as tall as me). I would have been ass over teakettle in no time, my legs flailing around and my head buried in last night's dinner scraps. I mean really, can't you just imagine it? Be sure to imagine MANY little punctuation signs over the garbage can because I'd be swearing like crazy.

The rake that I reached for knocked over something else, which knocked over a spray plastic bottle of weed killer. The neck of THAT bottle snappped and started leaking, um, poison everywhere. Fck fck fck.

So I fished my keys out, and went in the house to wash off the long lanyard I keep them on (thank goodness, that's how I hooked them with the rake). Do you know how much fun it is to try to wash off an electronic car key and the "fob" that has all of the buttons for your doors and trunk and so on? Not that it worked right before...

By that point my kids had That Look* on their face and I was grumbling in one continuous stream as I walked back out the door (with my sunglasses). Do you see why I was afraid to take the highway to work?

*Something like "Duck, run for cover, she's headed this way."

It's going to be a long week, kiddies.

Like, right now

About once a month a BIG 18-wheeler wanders around aimlessly in our teeny quiet little 'hood.


They turn left onto our nearest cross street, when they really want to turn about 3 traffic lights away from where we are. But two of the lights along their trajectory are about two years old. So some companies have old directions, that basically say "Take exit X, then at the second traffic light turn left."


SO they come along, and wander down our street, about as subtle as a squeaking fart in church. Plenty of times, they actually stop right in front of our house, because of the configuration of the neighborhood - they realize they're lost because the road comes to a "T".


I printed out a google map once. It showed where we are, and included the road they should have stayed on, and the place where they actually probably WANT to turn, based on where all some warehouses are.


Gave the map to the Mister, who said "yeah, that's probably a good idea" and then lost it.


I can only do just so much.


Of course, for the last hour I've been looking for ONE particular piece of paper, because I need it tomorrow. No dice. My desk still looks like this:

I Snapped

Today I taught my 11 month old nephew to cough deliberately for no reason other than that it's funny. It was just one of those goofy things his parents will want to kill me for. Heh. It's my revenge for the fact that he lets out EAR PIERCING shrieks and they never say "shhh" and put their finger on his lips to try to teach him NOT TO DO THAT CRAP.

Ahem.

So, with everything going on around here (today we bought a porch light and a beautiful shelf for the porch and BIG 5 gallon buckets of paint... ) I almost punted on my sister in law's birthday.

On about Tuesday night I went "oh crap... a gift". I'd had the bright idea to get her a photo puzzle about two weeks ago. She loves games & puzzles and so on. You would think I'd have ordered it then....

Wednesday morning I checked around Snapfish and they do make photo puzzles. I found a good picture, uploaded it, closed my eyes and clicked on $$ two day shipping. Awesome, it would arrive by the party (today).

Then I got an email saying that it would take 5-7 days to print the actual puzzle. Then it ships. My reaction was a sedate sort of WTF ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

I wrote a tense little note to Snapfish customer service pointing out that since they hadn't had that little 5-7- day factoid near the puzzle ordering details, I felt like I had paid waaaaaaaaaaay too much for shipping and was really not happy.

Whabaaam - about two hours later I magically got an email that my puzzle was printed, and wheee, it was on its way to me. Nice!

So, if there is a customer service department for, I don't know.... "THE UNIVERSE", um, I have a couple of things.

This post brought to you by Tylenol

I'm working from home today; a complex negotiation took place with Thing 1, who didn't want to be at pool day today and agreed to do laundry; it is now not being done without frequent reminders to "get your butt in there and do it". The tv really WILL still be there when you bring your fried eyeballs back to it.

There is quite a lot of banging emanating from the back of the house. Also the occasional cussword (wait, no, that's me). Today is boring things like insulation. The photos will be almost nothing. But next week, there might be cabinets. Ooooh. (sigh... more packing.)

Also tonight, a transition meeting for PTA. I'm thinking of giving each family a Tylenol rating(one tablet, two, or three) in the school directory, based on whether they bounce checks, criticize the lunch program, complain about fundraisers, etc. All those little charming things that make being an officer so easy.

Sigh

It's dance recital day. Sweet mother of pearl. I'm doomed.

And I got only a few hours of sleep because Top Chef was on (Yay winner!) and my cabinets were scattered all around the warehouse and so I put off printing pictures that Thing 2 NEEEEEEEDS for today until 11:30 or so when I finished with TC and THEN I couldn't find a picture from first grade and then I had to proofread Thing 1's poem which is VERY good, and

then I couldn't fall asleep

...until 2 am.

Dear Sam's Club

I hate you - I hate the giant heavy bulk- ness of your items and your random organization and your towering high shelves and the people who roam around in your store. I hate the logic used to place items and I hate that the signs don't match what's in the aisles but then I realize that they do when I go down for the third time

I hated the clerk who rang up each item and literally said "I'll put this here" as he placed it in my cart, which wasn't my cart, because it was the person's ahead of me, and I hate that everyone gets what's going on in this store, and I don't. I hate that there are no bags because everything is big. I hate that everyone thinks these are the greatest stores ever.

I hate having to make breakfast for 75 people this Sunday. I hate that my feet hurt from roaming around this giant store stressing about how much of each thing to buy. I hate it that Suzy is right when she says "who cares what they think? they'll never be happy and they're just basically mean... ignore them". I want breakfast in bed Sunday! Soooo not going to happen.

Waaaaaow

I thought I liked kids. I really did.

...until 50 of them said "why do we have to wait until after we run for a snack?"

Then I wasn't sure.

and when 100 kids came at me (after running said laps around the school track, for a fundraiser), and all saying they wanted "a granola bar AND a pretzel AND some orange pieces and can I have a bananna too but wait no not that kind of granola bar" at the same time and putting their little darling fingers all over everything

I thought

"hmmmm...

I am not crazy about kids."

and when they took drinks of water and dumped them over their heads, (note, it is 52 degrees out here today) I thought... hmmm.... aren't they nice.

No, wait, I said "WHY aren't they nice?"

note to self: elementary education may not be my best plan B career path after all

Dear universe

Stop it stop it stop it stop it!!!!!

Today I worked from home; my kids have va-cay-shun this week and I don't want them killing each other just yet.

I put my little darlings to work* and I set about my own work. At one point I had about 15 windows open because I am dealing with TWO programs that both MUST be done NOW (yes only two, the real geeks are laughing at me out there) and clients who don't comprehend that we can't start programming other work until they actually give us the requirements for what they want us to do! I didn't even get to program #2 but #1 is shaping up nicely, if I can keep the client from saying "well my friend edited a local copy of the database and...."

At 3:57 my boss pinged me via instant message to see if I could sit in on a phonecall at 4. The universe was trying to tell me something that I just wasn't getting.

At 4:02 my daughter shot into the room; "mmmmmmmoooooooooommmmm I had an orthodontist appointment at 4!" Oh, right. That. Um, thanks for nothing?

So JUST then my boss called and I had to sort of whimper "can I call you right back?" and call the ortho to reschedule. The secretary was kind; hmm, what to do, can't really bring her candy, now can I ???

********

* the other night I got up from watching tv, and wandered in to use the bathroom before I went to sleep. The trashcan had been empty at 3pm; I was working from home THAT day too. Not sure what happened between 3 and 11 but it was as though it was a volcano spewing really really gross stuff, heaped on top and strewn about the can on the floor.

I was repulsed and went out to levitate my husband off the recliner using only my voice. He in turn looked at the mess, stomped into bedrooms, and woke up our little cherubs, saying "get into the bathroom now".

My son tends to sleepwalk in that scenario (awakened after being asleep for about an hour) and so it took a while to get him to the right place.

I pointed at the trashcan and said to them both "This is DISGUSTING. If I EVER see this again, we will not have cable." I even made the slashing motion across my throat to make sure they got it that I Am Serious.

I stomped out and my son picked up everything. My husband handed the bag to my daughter and said 'well, since all you did is watch him clean it up, you can bring it out to the cold garage now'.

She complied and then I heard a whiny "Can we please go back to bed now?"

My garbage has not been more than half full since then.

Today my son said "Mom... I really like cable."

I know, my child. I know.

So yesterday I commisioned them captains. Captain of Dish and Garbage Duty, and Captain of the Laundromat. Duties to rotate weekly.

And they thought this was a vacation.

Click

My grandparents... on their 50th anniversary... some 20+ years ago. I miss them very much when I look at this picture.

You can't really tell from the thumbnail but I modified the picture with a filter to bring out the edges a little bit. It took away some of the "old and faded" - ness of the picture. I wanted it to look something like it had been painted, not photographed, but I didn't like the canvas filter over the dull coloring so I settled on this.

I'm in a bit of a funk these days. SO many things are on my mind (tons of end-of the year school responsibilities, and work is WAY up in the air and just generally frustrating on a day to day basis). And I forgot Top Chef again last night, as the truffle on top. I also have not had ONE DAMN MINUTE to run so I am very discouraged because the race is only about 7 weeks away at this point.

Not already

Did you hear that primal scream just now? That was me; baseball season is starting already.