WHY do my children have to push food around their plate like it is some sort of vile, toxic sludge forced upon them by slimy alien beings?
Eat your effing dinner and don't give me any crap. Don't give me the puppy eyes like I've pulled off my belt and I'm going to whack you, because I have never done that shit and making you eat two scallops, a spoonful of carrots and some lovely white rice with a parmesan cheese sauce is just not the same thing. Do not make a 20 minute dinner take one hour, because you will sit there on your teeny little butts for two hours if that's what it takes. Rachel Ray couldn't make this damn meal any better and these scallops cost $13 a pound and you will NOT actually DIE if you don't eat a mothereffing hotdog tonight. And stop whispering because I can hear you from the desk. Last week you said you love carrots, dammit.
Anyone got some Tylenol? Or a big box of cheap wine?
My grandfather used to look at me and say "Don't ever get married." Then he'd laugh. I used to think he was kidding.
5 comments:
Welll, I don't like the delousing part of going to jail, so I think I'll stick to cheap wine.... but thanks for visiting ;-)
snicker..looks like they found you too.
it's not just yours... I chalk it up to "summer vacation must be getting near the end" syndrome.
if my two live through the next 3 weeks it will be a damn miracle.
you gotta love the time before your children can talk so you can swear at them.
I made Leah read this and she was literally crying. This really hits home Carly. Holy crap.
Amen sister! I'd like to set a timer, and when it goes off, the dog can eat whatever they haven't finished.
Alternatively, I'd like to play thrash-metal music at dinner time and that motivates them eat and vacate ASAP.
As you can imagine, both plans didn't make it past the Rules Committee.
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