Tuesday, August 09, 2005

They're gonna love me at Office Max

This little list was on our school's webpage - it is what my daughter needs to buy for "back to school". (Read between the lines, it's also "Back to Debt for Mommy and Daddy".)

Grade 5
Supply List – Please make a note of the color coordination for each class. This is important and must be followed.

All subjects
4 three-ring zipper pencil cases to keep in binders (which is why we need about 30 pencils)
3-4 packages loose leaf (wide-ruled)
reinforcements for loose leaf (I had to explain to Mr. Carly what these are)
2 packages #2 pencils
1 package red pens
blue and black pens (how many, for the love of John, how many??????)
pencil sharpener (I have a rockin' electric one)
black Sharpie marker (fine point? bold point? permanent??)
colored pencils
scissors (Fiskars-small)
washable colored markers (what's the point, they're going to get em-effing sharpie all over their uniforms anyway)
pencil box
3 boxes tissues (classroom use)


Math
2-3 red composition notebooks
1 red spiral notebook for homework
ruler, compass and protractor (label with your name, they will be stored in the classroom)
post-it notes (small tab-type)

Computer
1 IBM Compatible Floppy (I soooooo want to send in 5.25")

Reading/English
1 green composition notebook
1 green two-pocket folder with prongs to insert papers
1 package of 50 lined note cards
1" green binder
5 subject tab dividers
1 orange two pocket folder (this will clash. I mean, REALLY.)

Science
1 ½" purple binder
1 purple two-pocket folder
5 subject tab dividers

Social Studies
1 ½" blue binder
2 blue two-pocket folders
5 subject tab dividers


Religion
1 ½" black binder
1 black two-pocket folder
1 black composition notebook
5 subject tab dividers

Spanish
1 yellow two-pocket folder
1 subject yellow spiral notebook

Art/Music
2 any two-pocket folders



Holy crap. I need a home equity loan, and I can see I'll be walking around OMax like Rainman or something. The blue binder has to be 1.5" but the green one has to be 1" but the purple one can be 1.5". Kmart, Kmart underwear.

I pity the woman who goes out the night before school to buy this crap - I can picture someone in Walmart at 11:05 sobbing hysterically. I'm going to buy 20 sets of this shit and sell it to the other parents at 5x the price.

Or maybe I'll home school this year.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

That's just fucked. Wait 'til it's university textbooks.

onescrappychick said...

Hmmmm. One of the nice things about a small school...is we NEVER get lists. In fact, this is the first year (5th grade) that needed supplies won't be provided by the school (we at the PTO provide the teachers with $$ for the kids nessesary supplies)... and the boy is more than estatic about his new binder and supplies.

Anonymous said...

If you homeschool your children will be drooling, knuckledragging freaks.

I mean, Yes! I home school! join me! one of us! One of us!

Uhhhh I mean.... I have some 5.25's kickin about but they're apple format so they wouldn't work....

Mmmm. key lime pie. Mmmm.

Mad Ethel said...

My mother just sent me to school with a trapper keeper and some Little Debbies. I could steal pens and paper from the other kids and barter for anything else I needed with the snack cakes.

Things will get better... right?

I distinctly remember a day in... maybe February?  I remember the moment, but not what day it was. I was sitting at work thinking about plan...