Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Who knows


I have a widget on my google desktop that counts the days until whatever event you are tracking. I had it set for the 5K on may 31st...31 days from now. The only trouble is, I haven't run. At all. In months.
So I'm giving up on that. I'm discouraged. This month has really kicked my ass, and I just can't see myself running through that park in 4 1/2 weeks. It's kind of hard to believe I managed to do it last year.
There is so much stuff going on at school with staffing cuts and people handling things the way human beings with emotions tend to handle those situations. People reacting to things that maybe in their heart of hearts, they knew on some level, would probably have to happen someday... but still stunned and waffling between frustration and sadness and thoughts about the future.
It's hard to watch, because I still don't know about MY job. And after a meeting yesterday, I don't know what I want anymore. I felt so TOTALLY out of synch with one of the people I was meeting with. I felt like anything I said, she just blinked and moved on with her train of thought. It was draining. I can't do my job if no one will let me. But I need my job.

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