Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Buzz goes the bumblebee

Sunday night I put on a black tshirt to sleep in. A few minutes later I went out and said something to Suzy and noticed hairs all over my shirt. Suzy and the Mr were very kind about it, but I was exhausted and went in to bed may or may not have cried myself to sleep. You'd have to do a calculation of exhausted vs depressed and see which one actually multiplied out to... whatever.

Monday morning I fixed my hair in the usual way, (haven't even been blowdrying it lately, just air dry, finger comb, and put in styling paste.) There was hair all over the sink. I was grumpy all the way to work; Suzy was driving me so that she could use my car while she was in town. She went into CVS to get me a bottle of water so I could take some medicines, and got me a "Masked Sponge" SpongeBob doll and told me to throw it at anyone who bugged me. I had a vision of the cape flying behind him as he sailed through the air, and that helped.

I texted my friend who owns a salon and told her that every time I scratched my head I came away with 5 - 10 strands of broken hair. I was at work, feeling very self conscious. Droid J sits three feet to my immediate right and is very painfully shy and quiet and does not talk to me or to the other Droids hardly at all. Scratch, flick hair onto the floor. Die of "mortified". Wait a few minutes. Repeat.

The hair strands were very brittle and dry, because all the hair is dying. Yes it will come back later this year. But it's dying now.

So all day I was wiping away tears and sniffling and blowing my nose from time to time, in a shared office that is as quiet as that tomb that Geraldo cracked into on live tv. It was fabulous.
Around 230 Droid K, who has the serious medical issues of his own leaned back so he could see around my monitor and said "how ya doing?" Bless his heart. They don't know me well, and they're trying to be nice, and trying to balance that with not sticking their nose in my business. So I said "pretty crappy, my hair is falling out". He was kind, saying something along the lines of Yeah, my sister went through that too, with a sincere sigh of empathy. Ten million points for the Droids, in the bank.

I met SB at her salon just before four. At that point I was pretty much sniffled out and since my son was there, I was less inclined to cave into the weepy mode AGAIN. We actually took before and after photos.

She didn't shave me shiny bald; she just clipped with the clipper on medium, and then on lower setting. When she started I found myself with my hands clenched tightly together and my eyes nailed shut. After a few seconds I realized the point of no return was past, and I opened my eyes. I don't see well at all without my glasses so I didn't have to watch myself going bald. I tried to keep the shower of falling tiny bits of hair out of my eyes and nose. What a MESS. What a freaking, miserable, lousy mess. The razor was warm and very uncomfortable on my already itchy and irritated skin. I kept inhaling hair fuzzies. What a delight.

My son said "hey, it looks like mine" referring to when he gets a summer buzz cut... that helped a little, to know that he wasn't sobbing in the corner. He has been distressed about me losing my hair and people staring at me.

We took a few pictures of my buzz cut, just with our cell phones. There's a picture of me smiling, and you would think the whole thing was a breeze. I cropped it and played with it in a couple of iphone apps, and may or may not put it on here.

Then I put my wig on, and took a few more pictures. The bangs were all over the place and I look at the one picture now and think "I put THAT on facebook and people were very kind. What a mess!" So later I put another picture out there. I got dozens of replies. My friends were very sweet.

So the thing I have dreaded most after surgery is behind me. I have to slog forward now (I really need to get to work....) and next week is - yay - another round. But then I'll be half done. I am approaching this as something like labor, you have to do it, get through it, get it done. But I am tired today and it's rainy and I am grumpy!! Really, really need to leave for work.


onescrappychick said...

Half Done. At the end of next week, this will be half over. You are a superstar and my hero. ((hugs))

Trish said...

you survived a buzz cut! yippppiiiie! sucks to HAVE to, but YOU DID IT!

keep on taking these steps. crying IS allowed in this game!

hang in there & woo hoo for the droid points...being an ex software engineer, that had to be tough to do!