Who knew a mullet was a FISH? Oh, the things I learn from my online friends.(You just had to be there. Apparently I *am* a damn yankee. Haha! Well, butter my biscuits.)
Yaaaaaaay! Quality family time!
In honor of the impending doom, er, holiday, I propose a game.
Let's talk turkey. You *KNOW* that someone you'll dine with over the next few days is a turkey. Here are some examples of what I mean:
- That uncle who hugs you a little too close... yechhh. Bonus points for boys.
- That sibling-in-law who pulls your spouse aside to say "you still owe us $$ for xx" when didn't know we owed money for xx in the first place, because we offered to pay our share initially and sibling said no, no, no, I don't want your money.
- The relative who campaigns fiercely that the holiday MUST be spent together ON THE EXACT DATE and then is 2 hours late to your gathering because they're trying to be in 12 places at once.... because they do that with EVERY branch of their family.
- The relative who plays "my surgery is better than your surgery." Hah! That one will be fun at my family table -- this year both of my siblings had surgery - and so did I. (For the record, I think mine loses.)
Tell me about it. Who was the biggest turkey at your table this year?
Special bonus points will be awarded for the following:
- most bizzare/slutty/slovenly outfit (or, if you receive any such opinions from a family member on your OWN attire... double points... but too late for you Suzy, don't go breaking out that dress that Mom says makes your butt look like J. Lo's. Seriously. I still can't believe she said that.)
- any family confrontation that ultimately involves law enforcement personnel.
Prizes will be awarded. No, really. They will.
7 comments:
What if I'm psychic and I just know who the biggest turkey will be? I have the uncle who has had every surgery a man can have and has lawsuits against companies for workers comp and medical malpractice out the wazoo so he can pay for his surgeries! Ahhhh families.
I thought of your blog today when I saw the following bumper sticker:
On the left side it said "Choir" with a musical note as a background and on the right side it said, "Caution: Driver May Be Singing"
awesome... I always sing in my car.
Funny, although the "slutist" outfit part might give me nightmares. There was that year that Grandma brought out her fishnet stockings. (shiver)
how about the relative that tells your son he's drinking (non pc -racist remark here) eggnog after he splashed a bit of rum in it?? (eyerolls)
oh, and it was the relative not the son drinking the eggnog. just to clear that up ROFL
My wife's aunt won the turkey award I think. She called everyone who walked by herself and my wife to point out her nose ring (and by ring, I mean tiny little gem stud).
Oh well.. sure beat the usual: Her introducing me to everyone. "This is SgtRedline, the Yankee". Just like that.. no kidding. OK.. she used my real name, but that still rings in my head.
If you could have seen the cut off stained grey sweat shirt my FIL wore at the table, it would easily have made you get sick. and it was worn At. The. Table.
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