Everything changes

Yesterday rather sucked. Not only do I need chemotherapy, which I had
kind of expected but HOPED to somehow dodge, I may also need more
surgery.

Little things have tripped me up, like margins needing more removal
and one stupid lymph node having 0.3 cm of cancer cells. They dont
know these things until the pathologist has completely examined the
tissue removed. Arrrgh!

So it was very discouraging but the chemotherapy that is planned right
now will be only four times, once every 3 weeks, and he thinks I will
tolerate it well. I won't start that for a while because I need to
heal and then have whatever additional surgery is called for.

So it's a little like having a deranged tour guide take me around the
world on a completely different path than what I thought I would
travel. It's not all on my timeline either. I wanted to get to the
surgeon today, to deal with a pocket of fluid under my arm, and I
sobbed in frustration about having to wait until tomorrw. I think
that was the stress of yesterday ; I cried a little in the car but for
whatever reason hadn't been able to really let it all out. But I also
cried happy tears today seeing one of my longtime friends I have missed.

But when fall comes, most of this should be done. And in the meantime
I have sweet beautiful women helping my family take care of me. I have
my old pals from the big red K (my last job)and my best friends from
college back, encouraging me daily on Facebook. I have a webcam to see
my sister's smile when I need to, and there are planes and things to
make this all easier.

I have friends buying me scarves and planning to knit me hats and
trading scar photos with me.( It's hard to imagine doing that unless
you have a bruise that looks JUST like the budweiser crown or a scar
like an orchid leaf.)

My iphone has been my thread to the outside world and it is never far
from my side. I can read pioneer woman, Nienie, and photography blogs,
and Twitter my temporary frustrations away. Oh, and make snarky
comments about what's on tv. (I'm carlyq80. It's not Pulitzer prize
material )

I know this spring and summer will drag but suddenly be over.
Hopefully I can have a whoopass labor day party and graduate to
Tamoxifen. I just have to do the next step, and the next, and the
next. Yesterday was craptastic - tomorrow I'll feel better.

Please pass along your favorite web page or Twitter feed. I need
plenty of distractions!!!