Monday, January 18, 2010

This is fun, no?

Today I went for some pre-op work including being quizzed by an obnoxious twit who seemed hell bent on figuring out WHY I FUCKING GOT CANCER. It wasn't enough to tell her no, I didn't have family history of any sort; she progressed to what kind of work I do and where I live and so on. Fortunately another hospital employee rescued me for the next step of items on the checklist before I had to imprint her keyboard on her nose.


My mother has been very supportive and cooperative since one little bump in the road got resolved; she had a winning quote when I told her about Obnoxi-nurse. "You should have told her the cancer fairy bit you" (...on the boob). Ten points.

I had sentinel node mapping today. You can google that if you feel compelled to learn more than these two facts: It's part of figuring out whether cancer cells have spread to nearby lymph nodes. It involves injecting radioactive material near the tumor and watching the migration of that material over time, via various diagnostic equipment that includes a fucking wooden spoon with a pointer on it that shows up in the high tech screen, (so that they can reach far enough into the MRI sort of machine and pinpoint where they want to mark) and also a Sharpie used to make a VERY sexy "X" on the spot of the most visible node. Big time technology. I have Sharpie marks on my armpits. That's hot.

What you would not find on google is that because they don't numb you (the needle full of numbing medication hurts anyway so why bother) the feeling is not unlike having someone shoot your ta-ta full of flaming lighter fluid. Whimpering and crying ensued, and frankly I like to think I'm a big girl, having delivered a 9lb 12 oz baby without caesarian. Fck fck fck it REALLY hurt. The doctor was cute though. I told him my Kanye joke. "I'ma let you finish, but cardiac ablation is the worst procedure ever. The worst surgery EVER!" It was a weak joke, because I don't know if he realized I had that procedure, but it made him and the assisting person laugh.

I will work on not whining further.... probably won't post for a while due to pain meds and such. Think happy thoughts for me of puppies, kittens and rainbows. Oh, and unicorns. Definitely unicorns.



2 comments:

meopta said...

Pfft. Like you could get near a unicorn. Puh-leeze.

I got lucky, they did my nodes and some sort of giant needle through the nipple thing while I was getting the partial, so I was out colder than cold. Ice cold.

Ok, I'll stop. But you get bragging rights over me on this one!

Trish said...

just a reminder---get drugs whenever you can. period. don't be butch for me!!! I don't care what they say about it---yes, the needle hurts to give the pain meds, but then they can do whatever the hell they want. oy. and whining is allowed with cancer, just not every moment.

I LOVE your mother's answer...lol! remind her of where Farrah's cancer was...and listen to the giggling that ensues!

Don'tcha just love that sharpie? all the tools in the world and you end up sharpied up!

Do me a favor tho---if you're getting tattooed, PLEASE do NOT show them off to your children's dates, spouses etc, ESPECIALLY the FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM. Took my spouse home to meet my mom, who had just started radiation for lung cancer and yup, mom lifted her shirt to show us the tattoos. Not 15 minutes into the meet & greet! Noooo, mom, that is NOT how you greet people, period! "Hi, welcome to the family, see my tatas!"....scarred...for...life!

hang in there...you're in our thots and prayers.