Gotta Have Faith

So,

last night I saw Faith Hill & Tim McGraw.

The show was great, but me being ME, I have a few things to say.

Dear Faith,

Girl... the outfit? You are a megamillionaire. You were wearing an outfit I might wear to work if I were so inclined. Gray pants and a black blouse? Honey. I know, I know, you had a great jacket on at first, which vanished right after your first song. Yes, this arena is always so Em-effing hot. Sorry about that, but aren't you from the south??

The black sneakers.... sneakers! I did not pay $100 to see you in anything less than 3" heels. You are a supermodel. Just breathe. Work it, girl. You can try to fake it by bouncing on your toes if you want to but I'll still notice. You're beautiful* , in the plainest outfit possible with fugly sneakers.

Now, I realize that you have that funky-cool stage that is actually a giant glass video monitor. It rocks, really. I'm sure that sucker is slippery especially when Tim throws water at the crowd.
Do you nag him about that? I noticed you two did NOT look at each other once until your very last two songs. I'm sure he's a real good man... but were you fighting last night???

It was interesting the way you arranged the sets. It must be fun rising up out of the stage for the opening duet with him. Then he goes away, you do your set, then he comes back for more duet fun, then you go away... he does his set, you come back for that duet that sounds like something Johnny Cash and June might have sung... then you wrap it up. It's all good. Well, most of it.

I'm a little bummed that you spent a lot of your time facing the OTHER side of the arena, but your big screen tv's made up for it.

But really. Fire whoever dresses you. You should have shoes that you can move in, that are a tad more Diva at the same time, and cooler clothes (in so many ways). You've got the money. You've got MY money!

Also, I hate to seem like I am really bagging on you, but what is with your hair? Long extensions. No curls? and the plain, plain style. You grabbed a couple of bobby pins to hold a piece or two behind your ears before you rose up out of that trap door. No, woman, no cry. ** Just get your hair done when you're going to sing in front of 16,000 people.

I would be severely remiss if I did not say that your voice was fantastic last night. Absolutely sublime. So what if most of the chicks in the arena were just waiting for you to be done so the guy in the red shirt would appear? Fireflies.

My sister is having a spasm right now reading these words, but... mehhh... I'm not a huge Tim fan... frankly, it's like we never loved at all. I find him to be a snoozer. I guess it's just the cowboy in me.

The biggest problem I had with the concert was the pacing.An uptempo song, a little bit of momentum would build, then everything would grind to a halt with a slow song. Something like that. Put the entire set list to a CD and listen and you'll see what I mean.

Oh, by the way, could you let Tim know that I paid to hear HIM sing too, not for him to stand there and hold the mike? (.... so that the crowd could do a karaoke version of his song, and then cheer for themselvesssszzzzzzzz) I mean, I like it, I love it... but tell HIM to sing.

The crowd.

Oh, the crowd. I love the way you love me. Honestly, at any given time there were LITERALLY 500 people walking up and down in the aisles, going for a beer then getting a pretzel then going for another beer and omygosh now I have to use the bathroom and SIT DOWN PEOPLE, YOU PAID $100 TO PLANT YOUR ASS IN A SEAT TONIGHT SO JUST DO IT ALREADY AND GET OUT OF MY WAY.... fine, fine, go get a beer but don't take the girl.

Yeah, I am a little tired today from sitting in the traffic jam after the show. But it is well with my soul. I'm sure there will come a day when you'll be around here again and I'll be back to see you.

Live like you were dying. Just work on the sneakers. If nothing else, the sneakers.

Your friend,
Carly


* didn't sing that one... darn it....

** yeah, they really DID sing a reggae song. I am not even sure I can SPELL reggae correctly.