Last night I was watching Dinner Impossible, and the challenge this week was for (Chef) Robert Irvine to cook a meal for several hundred Pixar employees. It dusted off a few memories for me.
In my senior year of college (I was studying math with a minor in computer science); I was interested in going to RPI for an additional degree computer graphics. One problem: I was also broke. Really, really, really, broke. I also entertained a job offer in Boston in a trainee/ programming position that would have started me at $19,000 for the first year. Living in Boston, on 19k a year. Hahahah. Again, my financial status made that move pretty much impossible to me.
Every now and then I see what Pixar is doing lately and think "Damn. I would have loved to be a part of that." Or I wonder what it would have been like to explore Boston, marry a rabid Red Sox fan, etc.
It occurred to me, mulling all of that over last night, that some people worry about decisions they've made in the past, and some people worry about what the future will bring.
I've never been someone to write with paper & ink when a computer is nearby. It's slightly easier for me to type, backspace, type; it's a struggle to organize my thoughts without the ability to cut & paste. This tends to give me the impulse to constantly edit, tweak, and adjust everything around me. Well, to never quite be satisfied. To wonder, what if I could have changed this?
I sometimes find myself questioning decisions I made 20 years ago, and I see that it's crazy. I really do. I just can't help but wonder once in a while, "was I meant to be...?" and last night was one of those nights. I was completely green with envy watching that show thinking that I could have been working RIGHT THERE in that building, on those movies. (Do you enjoy the leap in logic that if only I'd gone for that degree, I would be at the top of the field by now? Mmm hmm.)
On the flip side, I see a couple of my older relatives worrying on a daily basis about the future. Not spending money on things that I think they NEED, like a car that run well consistently, because someday I'll be older and I'll have medical bills and if I don't scrimp and scrape now I won't be able to pay them. I can't even bring myself to contemplate where I'll be in 10 or 20 years. I haven't crossed over that line yet. Will it all be worth it in the end? Will I regret doing this, or not doing that?
I'm not sure whether everyone falls in to one category or the other(worrying about yesterday, or tomorrow); obviously I don't think either one is any better than the other. It's very hard to just live for today, in this moment, doing what you need to do. Or is that just me?
2 comments:
Right now.. I'm having a hard time with "today". I can't think about tomorrow until I'm sure about "today"... and I've been trying really hard these last 5 or 6 years to not dwell to much on "yesterday" (so far so good).
I remember one of my undergrad or grad classes was "Graphics Design using C" basically it was a course in how to generate shapes and such the really really hard way.
At the end of the text book, it talked about a new small company called Pixar that might one day change the way cartoons are done. I remember thinking.. if working there is anything like this course, I'd hate to be those guys...
As for thinking about the future or the past, I try not to think to far into it (in either direction).
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