Stuff, part 492

On butts:

last night we went to Red Robin with Suzy. She got a drink that tasted like one of those orange sherbet/ vanilla ice cream treats. She added a shot of malibu rum and then she thought it was pretty much perfect as far as I could tell. The glass was funky, a swirly lopsided affair. We laughed because it resembled J-Lo's butt (according to my mother, so does Suzy's butt, but that's another story for another time. ) Pictures on this may, or may not, follow.

But...
My kid is almost failing science. Her average is 76, and passing is 75. One quarter to go. WHY?? Why? I do not neeeeed to have her in summer school. This of course means I get to drill her daily on science vocab now until the end of the school year. Oh, funsie fun fun FUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN.


And since we're talking about fun...

Father daughter dance time. ( OK, Poly, stop reading. Haven't you been aggravated enough this week?)
Father daughter dance time is also known as "How to annoy Carly as many ways as possible because she is the captain of this sinking ship":

• if you are the person I work with to reserve the public school cafeteria, call me on FRIDAY to tell me you don't have a kitchen worker for me, so I can't use the big walk in cooler. Hmm, oh sorry. thankqueue.
• if you are the custodial employees I am paying to be there, show up late and then ask "oh, did you need me to do something?" when I have a list of at least 6 things I need (like, take half the tables and chairs out of this cafeteria) and then argue with me later about what I have to pay you. Be sure to keep the girl's bathroom locked (the one with 4 stalls) because surely the ONE faculty bathroom is enough for 100 little girls. Eff you. And yes I will make you open it again next year too.
• if you are (at least 15) parents in the school call me well after the deadline to ask if your kid can still come, because you know I'll say yes. Damn you. It's not like I need to have enough party favors, or food, or anything. (someone called me t-o-d-a-y.)
• bring your three year old, because we specifically (on the flyer going home) say that the dance is for kids in kindergarten and up (our school has a pre-k program for 3 & 4 year olds.... they are not invited, thankyou. When you walk in with her I will look you in the eye and say "she's not supposed to be here. but you haven't left me any choice now, have you? whatever" - - - yes, I did. )
• if you are stupid dad, put your daughter's dress on backwards because she is in kindergarten and doesn't know the button doesn't go in the front. You moron. But you made me laugh so I like you.
• the guy who danced to Footloose also made me laugh, so he gets honorable mention. Not annoying.
• if you are in first grade be sure to run in the hall as much as possible so I have to yell at you five times. Back to annoying-ville!!!
• if you are the DJ I hired, be sure to send someone who works for you, who will bring CD's ( noooooo one has cd's anymore, they have a computer with stuff loaded) and just bring 80's oldies, really, not current Top 40 stuff. The 6th graders won't mind. I'm sure.
• Hey Mr. DJ, also be sure to ask if we can move your table to a completely different place right after we duct tape down a couple of extension cords.
• Dads, be sure to have a few drinks at home and then drive to the event. (There were at least 3 who did this, and if anyone would know, it's the photographer who is up close to you while she poses your daughter next to you) The photographer, who has been my friend since 7th grade, will point you out to me so that I know forever you are a schmuck. I hate you.

You never really know what you'll get when you come by my blog, huh?