I've been really frustrated with some things lately (like work and some PTA nonsense and... oh, never mind the list...) and feeling crushed from almost every side. Sometimes the people at choir will notice when I walk in, and say "Oh, are you tired today?" because it doesn't occur to them that I am completely jagged and frayed inside. Being that most of them are retired, the stressfull part of their lives is but a memory, and actually - for me - being with them helps because they're all so darn cute and funny.
I don't think most people really notice the depths of how I'm feeling - they might notice that I'm a bit grumpy, or whatever, but not be able to tell that I'm practically biting my tongue off sometimes, wishing I could pack it all in, and run away to Boston, or to Oregon, or somewhere... else. People have their own stuff going on, everyone has things on their mind. I get that.
When I'm having a really bad day I need to escape at lunchtime. I go to a nice park or something, and push back the roof of my car (must have a moonroof - if not a convertible, which isn't practical here for the winter since I haven't parked in my garage since '95...)
All I need sometimes is to have even half an hour for myself, to sit quietly where no one is pestering me, where I don't feel like there are 10 things I should be doing at once. Where no one is arround to annoy or disappoint me. The rest of the world can just go away for a while. I listen to some music, and let the ugly monster out (it climbs out the roof, actually...)
6 comments:
Hey :)
I kind of thought you were feeling good lately with the running and all, sorry to hear your down and out.
I know this might sound totally lame but I hope you keep running, I know for sure that it makes me feel better to get those endorphins pumping. I used to take stuff for depression, but I wasn't a HORRIBLE case so I thought I'd try my hand at self medicating. By which I mean daily exercise, - they say that it can help to alleviate the symptoms.
Maybe it's just the placebo effect but I know that if I exercise often I'll feel o.k. AND that if I stop for over 3-4 days, I'll start to feel dumpy again. No lie.
Anyways sorry to go all after school special on you. I'm glad you have your faith and your church, I know that it helps when things get icky. Remember to talk to God when you feel like crap, it seems like I always pull away during times like that, when really I should be getting closer.
Ok I'm gonna go back to my heathen site now, and hope you feel better soon. :)
Serenity now... I know what you mean.
From one stressed out frazzled person to another... I say take it wherever you can. I like to listen to some lovely soothing music a nice person once sent me in the mail (winks)
thanks Lindy,
I think it's post vacation blues. It always sucks to be back at work.
As a matter of fact I didn't run monday or tuesday so I am going to get on that today.
when it gets warm I'll let you drive us around the corporate woods clover leaf doing 80 with the top down. That always cheers me up.
awesome....
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