In the middle of the night

The mood tonight is pensive.

It may have something to do with lack of sleep (up till 1, awakened at four by volunteer fire sirens, check on the boy who hates the wail of those sirens in the middle of the night, back to bed but up again at 6). As a rule, I don't do well without enough sleep. I'm not one of those people who can get four hours per night.

In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
From the mountains of faith
To the river so deep
I must be lookin' for something
Something sacred I lost
But the river is wide
And it's too hard to cross
Even though I know the river is wide
I walk down every evening and stand on the shore
I try to cross to the opposite side
So I can finally find what I've been looking for

It may have to do something to do with that person who appeared briefly for dinner and then left, for yet another meeting. The kids were absolutely off the wall this afternoon and it sure would be nice right about now to have a great big bathtub, a la Calgon. Candles all around would be nice. Do people really get to do that, or is it an advertising scheme to get us to buy bottles of bubble bath and pretty candles that we will never actually have the time or energy to use?

In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
Through the valley of fear
To a river so deep
I been searching for something
Taken out of my soul
Something I'd never lose
Something somebody stole
I don't know why I go walking at night
But now I'm tired and I don't want to walk anymore
I hope it doesn't take the rest of my life
Until I find what it is I've been looking for

Today I caught the little guy jumping off his bed, onto a heap of blankets & quilts on the floor. It reminded me of the time when I was his age that my brother and I jumped off my dresser onto my bed, over and over. My parents were out for a little while. Whether they were out in the yard or Out Somewhere, I'm not sure. But when they came in, they found the breakers tripped, and my nightstand lamp was identified as the culprit. To be precise, the plug had broken off in the outlet (from the bed smashing against it each time we jumped onto the bed. We "damn near burned the house down" according to my mother. So, my son probably has me to blame for the jumping gene. He is seven and a half, and fearless. I did the "Auntie S (our family's very own R.N.) really doesn't like extra trips to the hospital" speech (rendition number 4,812), but my heart wasn't in it. So, I guess this one is "I'm tired" too.

In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
Through the jungle of doubt
To a river so deep
I know I'm searching for something
Something so undefined
That it can only be seen
By the eyes of the blind
In the middle of the night

It's awfully quiet around here tonight. Considering I have only 9 days until a Big Party at my house, I should be more motivated. There should be Things happening.

I'm not sure about a life after this
God knows I've never been a spiritual man
Baptized by the fire, I wade into the river
That runs to the promised land
In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
Through the desert of truth
To the river so deep
We all end in the ocean
We all start in the streams
We're all carried along
By the river of dreams
In the middle of the night*

Did you ever wake up, and just listen to the sounds of the night drifting in through an open window, and feel like absolutely no one else is awake? It's just not morning yet, you can't get up and start your day. I hate that feeling - somehow you're frozen in this moment alone, and you can't fall back to sleep to escape it. That's how I feel right now. Tired and lonely. Is it Thursday yet?

************************

*Billy Joel , of course. I think he probably wrote this knowing that it wasn't working out with Christie, because the song before it is about not being with your children as much as you want to be. But truly his best song ever, is "And so it goes." Go, click links, read the lyrics.