1. Kangaroos are apparently six feet tall, and will grab you with their top legs, and beat the crap out of you with the bottom ones. Don't feed them, d'oh! In other words, today was a very slow day on Good Morning America. WTF? How often am I going to come across a hungry kangaroo?
2. When plowing off a pond for the town's winter carnival, it is a good idea to make sure the ice is thick enough first. I swear, it happened 200 feet from my house.
3. I always buckle my purse into the seat next to me when I'm driving alone. That sucker's huge and we DON'T want it crashing around in an accident. My Starbucks vanilla mints might spill all over and that would be tragic because they are awesome. All you people with really gag-me stale coffee breath that I sit in meetings with, please take note. Starbucks sells mints.
4. If you talk on a cellphone it makes you drive about as well as a 70 year old person. So knock that crap off.
5. Don't ever do this to my kid or I will insert the jewelry into a place where you will never lose it.
6. Don't piss this guy off because apparently he will shoot you and laugh. It's too bad he wasn't there for the events described in #5.
2 comments:
Kangaroos are vicious. Not as vicious as an urban street tough, but just about.
I saw a kangaroo beat up a guy dressed in a kagaroo suit once. The guy was 6 feet tall and the kangaroo was only 4 ft, but he kicked the bejesus out of the guy and gave him a busted rib and concussion.
Nobody could tell the guy was in serious trouble - that's why you always need a safety word.
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