Do you have any recurring dreams? I do. Last night I had the dream again. This was a new variation, though.
I've always more or less known that the dream happens when I am anxious about the future. In the past, the dream was originally set in the house where I lived as a teenager. I would suddenly realize that today was the first day of school, and it was time to go. Almost as suddenly I would begin to worry, because I didn't know what classes I had, or what to bring to school.
The bus would be outside in front of my house, sounding the horn impatiently. At this point the confusion crept in, because I normally had to walk several blocks to get to the bus stop. For some unexplainable reason, I would not go out to the bus. I'd start making my lunch, the bus horn growing ever louder. I'd be worrying that I really should be leaving, but unable to abandon the tasks that were delaying me. Next, I'd decide that I really needed a shampoo, and wash my hair in the kitchen sink, even though I could see out the window over the sink that the bus was RIGHT THERE, waiting. Why was I throwing these roadblocks in front of myself?
As I've gotten older, the dream has shifted in focus more than once. Where once I knew I was going to high school, I began to panic about college instead. Mind you, this shift happened AFTER I had finished college and settled into a comfortably boring office job, but in the dream, I was headed off to college. I didn't know what classes I was signed up for, and I was in the bookstore trying to buy books, but I didn't know what books to buy. I'd be desperately checking the tiny mailbox outside of the bookstore, for some clue as to where I was supposed to be and when, but the schedule was never there. I'd go off in search of the registrar, the one who could guide me, to no avail.
Last night I dreamed that I was in some sort of dormitory. I was an adult now, more or less. I had a tote bag and a beautiful purse, and why that's important, I don't know but I spent some time dwelling on that in my dream. I was climbing this absolutely stunning staircase of mahogany wood with intricately carved railings. I had gone down a long hallway to get to this staircase, and from the way it was constructed I thought I was going from the 3rd to the 5th floor. There was an intriguing hallway that branched off and I remember wondering where it would lead, but I could not explore that hallway now. I had to get to the 5th floor.
Only, when I got to what I thought was the 5th floor, it was actually the 6th. The room that I was seeking (which was where I was supposed to be staying with someone) - the room was impossible to find. Again, there was no one around to guide me. I went all the way down the hallway and headed downstairs again.
That's when I woke up.
Now I know, this is about anxiety, and mostly about the school year starting up again and things like that. But why can't I have FUN dreams like other (normal??) people?
2 comments:
I have two recurring themes that always surface in my dreams when I'm stressed about something. The first is the sea. I'm on a beach, and there are these enormous, violent waves crashing down on the sand. I'm fascinated but terrified at the same time. I realize the tide is coming in, so I turn and try to get off the beach. But I have to make it up a huge dune, and walking on the sand is even harder than usual. My feet keep sinking in; my arms and legs are so tired. The waves get closer, and I panic because I think they'll drag me out to sea. I always wake up Just before they do.
In the other recurring dream I'm in a bowling alley and, for various reasons, I can't bowl. The ball is to heavy, the lane is warped, the pins are stuck in place, my ball keeps flying over onto the wrong lane. So I go to complain, but I can't find anyone who works there. Then I come back and find someone has stolen my place and I can't find another lane. This goes on for ages. Anyone who knows how much I love bowling knows that this is a total nightmare!
Crikey, this is a long comment!
M.H.
Carly your dreams are interesting. It seems like, in your case, the dreams reflect a sense that you know just where you want to be going but aren't 100% how to get to that point.
I used to love to try interpreting dreams. I had several books on the topic and used to visit dream interpreting websites too!
Long ago, I had recurring nightmares of being chased. I was always running out of breath in my dreams but I'd wake up sweaty but breathing just fine.
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