Under my thumb

I do have a green thumb, I guess, but it's not the normal kind. No, not a shiny pretty kelley green thumb, it's more like a puke green... it's green, but, well...

I've mentioned the critters eating my tulips RIGHT before they bloom. It goes much deeper than that.

My house is built on clay. Thick, hard, nasty clay. I have a little strip of garden along the front. It's a love-hate thing. Every year I whisper promises to it. "This year, I'll put up the trellis BEFORE the clematis vines wind around the nearby bush. I'll keep the trellis standing up straight this year. I'll deadhead the flowers so they bloom all summer long. I'll weed, and the thick layer of mulch will help me keep things nice. "

Uh-huh. Pity my neighbors.

Somehow every spring it gets away from me. I find myself trying to lift up the clematis vines and tie them onto the trellis, which ends up listing to one side. Around memorial day we do a marathon day where we rip out all of the weeds I've ignored and put in some flowers. It's not as though I have a PLANNED garden. We buy what looks good that day at the garden store. I do remember to water them for a couple of weeks but after that they are on their own.

No matter what, we never seem to have enough mulch. I don't understand. It's a little garden and we need about 20 bags of that crap to cover the flowerbed. Why don't I just shred money and spread that around? Quicker.

Around this time of the year, I always truck on up to the store to switch things over for the fall. Since the kids' birthdays are September 24 and 25, we tend to have at least one family party at our house in September, so I want to fake it for my family and pretend I'm a good gardener.
I usually re-weed, buy a few mums and stick them in the ground and whisper "good luck". They'll stay there until mid October and look good most of the time.

So yesterday I headed on up with the kids. We got 8 mums and had a painful math lesson ("If they're $4.99 each but 6 for $25 how much is Mommy spending? Think... think... we've got 6 so that's $25 but we have two more and they're $5 each so that's $10 added on to the $25 so that's..." (pause to let daughter speak and see that familiar glaze over her sweet little blue eyes... poor baby, it's back to school time!) ::::crickets chirp::: "Twenty five plus ten is..." After a cumulative total of about 30 seconds she whispers "$35????" and I say "YES!" with a little too much enthusiasm and she's relieved it's over. In her defense, I did something like that once and my sister started laughing and said "How do you DO that?"

I procrastinated because it was hot but then I got them in the ground. Oh, and I didn't really weed right either. I moved the weeds that were in spots where mums would go. I'll pay for that little stunt later. Actually I already am suffering: I wore socks and sneakers but somehow my feet are covered in spider bites. Damn mulch.