Wednesday, June 03, 2009


Yesterday I got myself some dinner (bruschetta and chicken caesar salad) from the only nice restaurant that's close to my house, and headed over to my kid's baseball game.

For reference, the players on this team are 11 or 12, and it's not even "really" Little League. It's a recreational league run by the town. Nothing to get yourself all tied up in knots about.

When I got there some of D's teammates were saying they might have to forfeit and D's coaches were nowhere to be seen. I found out later one coach's wife has the chicken pox; I'd say he missed all the fun but I guess he didn't, really, now did he????

This woman kind of stomped by from our dugout on the way back over to hers, with her scorebook. I guess she keeps the book for the other team. She's kind of a slob and was dressed in a tacky sort of way, and has a BIG mouth. Genuuuuine White Trash, if you will. I remember two years ago, she sat in her lawn chair and HECKLED 9 year olds with singsong chants like "batter, batter, he can't hit".

GWT was saying something about the game that I can't recall now. Something along the lines of "we need to start now or they have to forfeit." Since she was right in front of me, I looked at her and said "seriously?" in my best "I think perhaps you're an ass" tone and she shot me a dirty look. Get a grip, lady. It was a gorgeous evening and the kids were all there and ready to play, except I couldn't quite figure out where Coach was.

AnotherMom from my son's team walked by me and said "I'm going to stab her in the eye with this pencil" and I thought she meant me, but no, GWT was giving her crap because AnotherMom didn't know really how to keep the book, she was just trying to help since Mrs. Chicken Pox wasn't there to do it. And the whole starting RIGHT now thing... AnotherMom's husband went out onto the field to play coach for a few minutes.

So this was getting amusing, and I sat there eating my bruschetta and CCsalad and enjoying the show heat up. Our Coach came back with his kid's best friend, who is also the same age and in the same rec league. The shit started to hit the fan.

GWT came storming over screaming that he was an illegal player and it was a slimy thing for Coach to go get "a ringer" (who is his neighbor, and his son's best friend, and word from my other buddy is that this kid is not playing well these days on his travel team, being a KID who's YOUNG and not necessarily A PRO BALLER and maybe having an off season) .

GWT was ranting and raving about how this was an illegal game, and Coach started to get hot. He pointed out that he would do anything for his team and the rec league and he just wanted the kids to be able to play the game tonight.

She stormed over to her own chair again. By now people were really noticing her tantrums. AnotherMom's pencil hand was twitching noticably. Awesome.

The backup coach for our opponents came over and told our Coach that the kids could still play, but it wouldn't be an official game. He was a little testy about it, and Coach was getting more upset. He just wanted to move forward without all of the adults bickering.

Blue (the umpire) started the game and Coach went to call the league director. He verified that it was a valid substitution since the kid's the right age and in our little rec league already.

So he called over GWT (who was near me, berating AnotherMom for not knowing that as the home team she had to keep the book for both teams, not just ours) and said "Listen, I called X and he said that this is OK, and it is a valid game" and yada yada.

GWT went ballistic. Told him (two feet from his kids) that he was slimy and just basically stood there screaming at him with her head spinning round. Started walking away from him but was still in a full tirade, and when she got by me I caught her eye long enough while she was yelling and swearing to interrupt her with "You really need to not conduct yourself this way in front of all these kids. "

She told me it was none of my business, and I said "Really? because my kid is out there on the field listening to all of this. Go back over to your dugout and calm down."

She started screaming at me that if I didn't like it ** I ** should be the one to leave, and Blue stopped the game, which the poor kids were trying to keep playing with all of this crap going on. He came over to the fence and looked at her and pointed and said "I'm going to have to ask you to leave the park if you don't stop."

Hee, hee.

I got a GREAT icy glare from her at that point and I laughed in her face and said "You're being ridiculous. " So then she stormed off. Idiot. It was awesome.

GWT later tried to bum a cigarette up by the concession stand from AnotherMom. It was hilarious. She went on and on about how we all started yelling at her. Hello? Really? In NYS a carton of cigarettes is about a million dollars now, with all the taxes. She was irate when AM wouldn't give her one.

By the way... the "ringer" ? Pop fly caught by the other team's shortstop. Although he did make a sweeeet double play when a ball was hit to him and he tagged second base to get an advancing runner out. Final score, 11 - 1 we kicked their asses. But it's only a game. Snicker.

We have to play them again next Thursday, but sadly, I won't be there. I'll be at the dance recital shooting mommies. Um, make that asking Mommies not to use our backdrop.


Sgt said...

It always amazes me how "adults" get so caught up in what should and should be allowed in kids baseball. Most of the kids just want to play and could care less if they enforced anything.

My 6 year old was playing on Monday and his coaches started muttering to each other about how the other coach wasn't rotating his team around when they fielded. He said they were using ringers. Then he started telling my son's team they were doing it and that they needed to play even harder because they were doing that. Then of course one coach mentions one of the runners went outside the baseline which triggers the other team to remind them they are kindergartners. Which then starts the back and forth about what each of the other coaches were doing wrong.

Meanwhile I think half of their team was eating doritos and our team was grazing in grass.

Yeah.. thanks coaches. The kids learned a valuable lesson that day.

Trish said...


And we wonder how someone like Lebron James refuses to shake hands with the Orlando Magic after losing the series because "'s hard for me to congratulate somebody after you just lose to them. I'm a winner..."

yeah, winner at a losing game.

Let the kids play. It is one thing to teach them the rules, it is another to use the rules to try to defeat the other team, rather than working it out on the field, learning how to play to the best of their ability and oh, right, sportsmanship and respect.


I played softball from the age of 5 up to pro ball...and learned a lot---like when I was 10 or so and we played the suckiest team in the league. After the first inning went by and we scored the run limit for the inning, I ended up playing any other position than my usual one, I also ended up batting left handed---all to give the other team a chance. Didn't work, we still creamed them 32-0, but we learned some sportsmanship, tried to give them some respect and we all tried to teach them the game. My point, I learned something and one of the parents on the other team was ticked we were "going easy on them". wtf? He got all up in the face of anyone there complaining we were not playing "right". Several of the parents from our team went over and suggested if he wanted "right" he could go to a pro game and yell all he wanted...but 10 year old girls, he should leave alone and shut the hell up. Eventually, he got banished to the next town...which was just across the parking lot---far enough no one could hear him scream.

I do love your description of the b!tch. She needs a little something else to do in her life!

onescrappychick said...

stuff like this, is why Ashley hasn't played soccer the last two seasons. I bet she starts back up next year in middle school.. but the Rec. league was just getting to ugly and ridiculous.