More learning fair fun

So, tonight I realized we will have to help my son make this for his learning fair project, within the next 2 weeks....

you people know how I feel about this being the PARENTS' arts & crafts night, right?

...using, of course, products* that COME FROM a rain forest.

Yeah. I'll just carve it out of mahogany.


* black pepper, vanilla, nutmeg, paprika, coffee, raffia, brazil nuts, rubber, burlap, raimie, bananas, oranges, pineapples, coconuts, golf ball covers (seriously, it's on the list from the teacher), and other various things I'm too tired to type that one can not possibly make a really big bug from.

too cold...

Dear Mother Nature,

whatever I did, I'm sorry.

Please, forgive me and turn the heat back on.

Please?

Inappropriate things that make me laugh

Well... it just does.

It's Dick Cheney, of course.

More here:

No Question

Today at lunch my coworker asked me "if you could have ALL of the money you'd ever spent / will spend on your children, instead of having them, would you still do it all again and have kids, or take the money?"

Now, if you don't know him, let me explain a few things.

• He's 30-something and just got engaged.
• He likes to spark a lively lunch conversation by starting a debate, and will sometimes take a platform and stick with it just because it makes someone else at the table crazy. For this and many other reasons we occasionally refer to him as the punk.
• He's sort of my boss. Ahem. So by that I mean, of course, that he's a very, very intelligent punk.

Moving on...

K is apparently(or, more likely, was pretending to be) pondering the topic of whether to foist his offspring on the unsuspecting world. His entertainment platform today was "Aren't kids really just a headache every day, and a waste of a ton of money, and would you really do it all again?"

I had to concede that "Don't you think some people just have kids because they've reach a certain age and think they're supposed to, and they don't really want them?" was a valid question. (Even though he said he talked his sister out of having kids, with that argument, and we all laughed at him ) Yes, I do think it's true. Some people figure "it's time" and so they do, and have at least one moment of "oh my god, what have I done?"

That being said, I do have the experience of wanting to have a child, and having a spouse not be so sure, but turn out to be very happy to have kids. (As far as I know!) Sometimes, it is just fear of the unknown. An "I've never been around kids and I don't know what to do with them and ugh, there are DIAPERS and stuff and I'm afraid I won't be a good parent and I'll do something like drop the baby." Somewhere along the line some of those people discover they really can change a diaper without retching. Much.

There are also plenty of people I know who DON'T want children, not because they're afraid or squeamish, they just don't. I don't pity them, nor do I envy them. It's their choice, and as long as their spouse agrees, not my business. But you really need to lay ALL of that out on the table with one another before wedding invitations go out. I can't say a whole lot about this, because, obviously, HELLO, I didn't feel that way. But the people I do know, who don't want children, all seem perfectly content with their decision.

Another one of K's thoughtful remarks was "What if he sucks at sports? I wouldn't want my kid to be a loser. What if I had a kid and he's a loser like I was when I was in school?" Really, he's good, because he's completely bullshitting but can ask questions like this with a straight face. It's a gem of a question though. It almost made him sound sincere. I wonder if every parent secretly worries that their kid won't be good enough somehow, and that it's really just our own fault.

And since there were three parents (with eight kids in total) sitting across the table from him, we played along. Saying things like, yes, spending almost $1000 a month on groceries does suck because you could play poker every night with that much money. Things like "Yes, there will be things your kids suck at, because that's life, but generally you don't think your own kid is a loser, it's fun to watch them and you're proud of them for trying; and anyway your job as a parent is to help them try OTHER things and hopefully find something they don't suck at..."

To the original question, I would absolutely, without hesitation, have children again. Even though my kids bounced off each other like pingpong balls in the supermarket today putting everything imaginable in the cart, and left crap everywhere all over the house and forgot to bring in the garbage cans and didn't do their homework until I asked 3x, and my son swallowed gum, and my daughter's teeth are just... well, all effed up and it will cost me untold dollars to yank out the baby teeth that refuse to fall out and straighten the others as they reluctantly grow in.

They're MY pingpong balls. Ever since I got them, I haven't been able to imagine not having these little people in my life. You just never really understand that, until you feel it.

Besides, they look pretty darn cute in our Christmas card.

Countdown

Quick name a tv "event" that you wait all year for. For some people, it's Superbowl Sunday.

For me, it's the Oscars. The film industry's big night. The gold dude. (Dude! My friend laughs at me whenever I say Dude so now I say it all the time because it's so stooopid. Dude!)

It's not about the MOVIES. Movies? I haven't seen most (any?) of the movies.

It's about the clothes. What I wouldn't give to be right there, on my very own little chunk of tapis rouge. I care more about what Reese will wear this time, than whether she gets a little trophy.

One week from now I will be READY, my friends, to watch the pre-shows and the arrivals. My daughter will be right by my side. We'll buy the People magazine and hide it from each other for days as we re-hash who looked Best and Worst.

Don't even get me started about the Worst outfits. Those are even more fun than seeing 1,000 crazy Italians doing the Y-M-C-A. (What the hell??)

Some people see a robin, and they celebrate that as a first sign of spring. Me, I see a Calvin Klein or Vera Wang, and I know warmer dayas are FINALLY coming.

Another FFF

Flash Fiction Friday is a writing project - JJ over at Purgatorian gives us a starting phrase, and we write from there. I do not always write fiction - sometimes, it's a starting point for a story about something that DID happen to me, that I wanted to write about, and just didn't have that first phrase to get me off and running. So the text in bold below is the "starter" he gave us this Friday. But this is not fiction.

***

Remember? How could I forget? I recall it specifically because the man stood there tring not to cry in front of me, and I felt like an insensitive fool.

Last spring I completely fumbled a moment where I could have been more supportive. After many months, I got a chance to go back and fix it a little, but not enough.

I've gotten to know L. a bit better, because our kids have become good friends. My daughter and I invited her friend to do some scrapbooking with us yesterday. They're in 5th grade now, both having repeated a grade. In Kindergarten this little girl's mother died.

***

Think about that. Stop and think.

You're a little girl in Kindergarten and your mother dies.

Six years later, you can recite the exact date she died, of course.

You go to scrapbook with a friend of yours and her goofy mother and you have a new album, and a few pictures of yourself.

You want to make a page about your mother's death, but you don't have a picture of yourself with her. You just don't have one. You have one of her and a baby, but that baby looks like your brother, not you.

You just don't have one.

It breaks the goofy lady's heart. Because you're sweet, and cute, and you just want to make a scrapbook page with you and your Mom on it, and all she can do is give you some paper and say "...write, honey. Write down anything that you want that you remember about your Mom- what she liked and what she was good at." And she knows that's not enough, but it's all she can think of to say, because now she is the one trying not to cry.

***

Maybe it's better that I didn't know her mom. I can try to help the daughter, just one tiny bit, without my own sadness over missing her mom standing in my way.

When I talked to her Dad later, I told him that she wanted to do a special page and what it was about. This time, I at least knew her Mom's name. I hope that I made up for that awkward moment last year just a little bit; I really hope so.

He said that he probably DOES have a picture of them together, of course, and that he'll look.

It made me think about the times that I've said "No, don't take my picture, my hair is a mess" or "I'm fat" or "I have my glasses on" or "I don't have any makeup."

Don't do that. Don't be one of those people, who refuses to have their picture taken. People who love you just want a photo of you as you are. Not the hollywood version of you, the "someday I'll be thinner, with whiter teeth and a better nose and perfect hair...", but the YOU of you, so that they can keep that if they lose you.

The real you. The one they will remember. How could they forget?

Being 40

Pretty pictures of fabulous fourty year olds. Moi not included. Let's play "guess who has had the most plastic surgery?" (My vote, clearly Demi.)

It's cold. As far as I know, I did NOT win 200 million tonight. Damn.

I'm in trouble

Sarah Lee Strawberry Cheesecake ice cream by Breyer's. It even has graham cracker crumb swirls. Damn.

(portion control... portion control...portion control... portion control... damn...)

I never would have thought that one DVR that can record two things at once would not be enough. Survivor, Dancing with the Stars, seeing who got their sorry butts kicked off Idol, AND the ladies' skating on the Olympics. All on at once. Bah!

I settled on Survivor and DWTS. Got home in time to see the last two Idol wannabees sing & cry. Sorry, buh bye. Skating is on now, but I've lost interest.

A scanning I will go

I am always happy when I find an old picture like this. I love the clothes, and I love it when I know something about the people and what they were like.

The bride in this photo was the sweetest, most adorable lady you could ever know. She only passed away about a year ago, and the moment I saw this photo I knew it was her. It's interesting to me that I only knew her when she was much, much older, yet recognized her "young" photo instantly.

Trivia: see the man at the right ?(Larry, the best man...) In 1990, Mr. Carly and I went to Buffalo to see him and his wife, their son, & their grandaughter, who is my age. We had a car accident on the way to a BBQ that was being hosted by the son. In the confusion at the ER, medical staff somehow thought that I was Larry's wife(he was 60+ at the time), and Mr. Carly was married to Larry's granddaughter. Not exactly right. It didn't help that we all had exactly the same last name. I was just happy that EVERYONE's x-rays came out fine.

Help! There's a dog on my face

It's amazing how often daytime television can be unintentionally funny. Just this morning I was relaxing under the covers and clicking through some TV when I came across an info-mercial for some makeup "created" by Lauren Hutton. For only $30 I can get a sample "Face Disc Plus" with a thirty day money-back guarantee! Hey wow. (Of course, then I'll get myself in a makeup club where $40 packages keep coming every time I turn around...hmmm... why aren't they mentioning that?)

I kid you not, one of the sections in the Face Disc Plus is called "pooch & nose". Hmm. Never knew I had a pooch on my face! I thought maybe I'd misheard my girl Lauren so I got up and actually checked the webpage (blocked that cookie right away, let me tell you... )

But you know Lauren has a sense of humor... right there on her webpage is a link named Strange Stuff . Plenty of clever captions like "A Girl's Got to Look Good Anywhere" ("After being in the bush for weeks, I have to touch up. I can’t meet the other campers looking like a warrior!")

You know I have that problem all the time, I meet other campers and they say "Geez Carly, you look like a warrior! Go cover up your pooch!" Uh huh.

Learning Fairs R Edukeshunal

I now know more about Vermont than I ever cared to know. No offense, really, it's lovely and I've enjoyed the few visits there, but...

when a parent has to spend HOURS helping a child on their 'learning fair' project, when said parent really would rather be re-watching her LOST season 1 DVD's (because it was so much better then...) she gets cranky.

I can't wait to see what all of the other mommies have done.

More vintage goodness

I got my hands on a small but fantastic pile of old pictures yesterday. They belong to my mother and father in law - pictures of them with various family members who are all gone now... the best ones are:

• wedding picture of Aunt Joan, who was killed with her husband in a car accident on their anniversary, only a couple of years after they were married
• picture of my father in law as a tiny baby, sitting in his grandmother's lap, with his mom standing nearby
• pictures of FIL's dad, who I have never seen in photos before as he has been gone many years
• picture of my father in law sitting on a library table, which I currently have standing in my living room (the table, not the picture... he was about two when it was taken)
• picture of Uncle Larry, Aunt Fran, and Bobby taken 40 years ago.
• Wedding photo of H & N who were first cousins of my father in law and this will absolutely FLIP their two grandaughters out if they've never seen it.

So, this is good because I needed more projects. I've been bored lately, nothing much to do. hahaha.

Once I get started on scanning I will post a couple. My plan is to scan everything and make 3 cd's one for each of the 3 brothers. Then the other two brothers can print whatever they'd like, and I'll make some copies for my own use. The originals will go in an album for my inlaws.

Bits

Randomized -

• A local politician, speaking of the massive power outage in upstate NY (which I was spared, because I am just a skooootch outside the area), "We have legislation introduced to incentivize the insurance companies to encourage homeowners to have generators..." - man, I hate it when people make up words, but this is classic politicianspeak.
• I played basketball with my son today.... for TWO HOURS... he is so cute, but pulled me aside to say "Mom, if a guy is bigger than you don't try to shoot the basketball over his hands. Pass it to a team member." So my eight year old is smarter than me.
• I fell on my face, but only once. I actually made baskets. This is a nearly Olympian achievement, if you know me.
• My tree didn't break, it pulled up out of the ground when it fell over. Damned if I don't want to just prop it back up and put lots of dirt over the roots. It wouldn't work, right? It's only fourty feet tall.... just logistical issues.
• For dinner I made steak, baked potatoes, and caesar salad. My children ate almost nothing, except the accompanying bread. I give up. I am tired of saying, "EAT some of your dinner." Fine. Live on Oreo's. Mommy's tired.
• I had a nice chianti, but no fava beans. Rocca delle Macie 2003. Lovely. -->
• Mommy is tired because Mommy's neighbor called at 7:45 this morning to say "oh my god, there is a tree down in your yard!!" Said neighbor's husband was out walking their dog while I was taking the photos I blogged. Talk to each other, people, and don't wake me up so damn early!!
• I like lists... have you ever noticed?

'night!

A Little Red Boat at the Olympics

Really... I'm done posting now (too much soda today) . It's cold, the wind is blowing at insane rates, and so I didn't go out and I'm bored as hell...

but this was pretty funny.

G'night all... happy weekend... I don't have to work for the next FIVE days. So, I will dust off my vacation to-do list since, well, I "to-didn't" half of the list.

That gray-haired dude

...who sings the blues on American Idol is named Taylor Hicks, and you can download 3 songs here .

(text copied from above site...)
Described as a soul singer, Taylor Hicks is known for setting "soul fires" from panhandle Florida honkey-tonks to the modern day chitlin-circuit of the old South. He's entertained with high profile artists such as James Brown, Tom Petty, Jackson Browne, Drive by Truckers, and Robert Randolph. Taylor is currently collaborating with contemporary blues legend Keb Mo.


Pop Candy says, "Michael McDonald, meet your beardless rival."

My daughter hates him. I like him, but he's probably toast in a week or two now that everyone can start voting on Idol. Which of course, is better for him as an artist. Now he's got some exposure, but he won't be locked into a crappy contract (Exhibit A: Kelly Clarkson's first album)

Crap

It used to look like this:

We had extreme winds today (60 mph +). Now it looks like this:



Damn. It was my favorite tree in my yard. Ok, it was pretty much the ONLY tree actually IN my yard thanks to a certain Mr. C.


Dammit.

Mehh...

"How was school, honey?"
"Mehhh... fine."
"Was (bitch) picking on you today?"
"No, she was nice to me."

What-ever. (but, phew... for today at least...!)

***

I walked into the bathroom today at work and a woman I know (but not THAT well, thanks) was standing in front of the sink holding her pants.

Yikes.

Now (because a stupid boy that I told this story to already asked) I should probably point out she had some sort of button-down shirt on that extended down over all her "Lovely Lady Lumps", as Fergie is wont to call them. So no, I don't know if she was wearing underwear and thankssomuch for inflicting that question on me!

She was sewing something that had torn... pocket, button, my retinas, I dunno. She started telling me something about the pocket and then she started putting on the pants. I was mortified, turned away with a "Um, well, yeah, hope you get that fixed, byenow."

When I told this to my teammates on our way back from lunch, one of them had a story that makes mine pale in comparison.

He recently walked into the men's bathroom one day just before 5 pm. Some dude he doesn't know was standing in front of the full length mirror, pants somewhere around his ankles, feet slightly apart (I believe he described it as "shooter's stance" but I was trying not to choke on the piece of gum I had) "Dude" was clearly barebutt and also had his hands somewhere near the goodies.

If you are reading this now and saying "SO?", let me give you some advice.

Do

NOT

do

things

like

this

at

your

office!!

For the record, my friend laughed at the guy, who apparently didn't notice because he was... inspecting some things.

I work with freaks.

And I already said I'd never homeschool...

I just spent 20 minutes listening to my daughter sob about the little bitch at school who calls her a dork and tries to get all the other kids to ignore her. Hugging her and trying to tell her that she has to just keep being who she is, and she really does have friends, she just has to learn how to ignore the bullies without antagonizing them further.

(she's gone to get a haircut with the Mr. now....)

Why are eleven year olds so mean? Because she doesn't have an effing iPod? Because she doesn't get on the computer and IM with them? Fuck.

The worst part is, I've been there. I remember all too well what it felt like to wear K-mart sneakers 30 years ago before anyone had ever heard of Martha Stewart or Jaclyn Smith. I was loser geek extraordinaire.

My heart, it breaks.

Highlights?

Fun stuff today...

• telling a client 3x, "you need a database which will blah blah blah" and have her reply "Oh no, we don't need a database" every time, to which I patiently replied "yes, actually you do, because blah blah blah". When my coworker was included in a conference call today, he said "we can build you a database that will blah blah blah." (saying exactly what I said) ...and the client replied "Oh, that would be great!"
• having Sue call me to report the current events. TV coverage of a standoff, after someone messed up committing an armed robbery ... of a dollar store... it made me feel just a little less stupid... "I'm going to be a hundred-aire, dude!"
• sitting in dentist's chair repeating "of course, I always floss" for the 80th time in my life. In the next room a hygenist is cheerfully asking another victim if they "floss MORE or LESS since your last visit?" Hell is certainly filled with little picks and scrapers.
• explaining carefully to my daughter that "NO, you don't use an electric razor on your eyebrows, even though you do look like Brooke Shields" and knowing that someday she is going to do that anyway.

At last

...the Trifecta is over.

You know... Christmas, New Year's Eve, and Valentine's day. The three-pronged fork through the guts of many "singles".

It's not bad enough that there's nothing under the tree for you to shake, and no one to clink glasses with and smooch at 12, no, NO! You have to be REMINDED one last time, in the coldest, crappiest part of winter. No jewelry or overpriced roses for you. (Sue buys her own jewelry - GO SUE!!!)

Even though I'm NOT single, it still can be just a damn annoying day for me. (It's the anniversary of the very first episode of my heart going "boomboomboom" in overdrive. That's the only one of my reasons that I'm willing to share.)

I think the only one who likes it is Waiter.

Frankly, next year (assuming Lottery-winning happens before then) Sue and I are off to Vegas on... (looking at calendar)... February 9th. We'll stay a week, maybe two. Trip new brides while the groom isn't looking, and stuff. You know?

Anyone care to join us? Couples strictly not allowed.

Grey's, deux

You can skip this if you don't watch Grey's Anatomy.

They had me right up until the kaboom.

The first 45 minutes were excellent, but then the last 15 minutes of the show completely irritated the crap out of me.

Here are just a few of the reasons.

1) too many happy endings - EVERYONE we know as an existing character lived??? Come on. I would like to see the actress who plays Bailey deal with entering motherhood and becoming a widow all at once, as a storyline arc.

(Why kill off a great guest star, who actually would have made a viable triangle element with Meredith? Dr. McDreamy is NOT attractive to me at all. I seriously think there's a chromosome missing from my DNA. It's the one responsible for women liking chocolate, buying shoes, and carrying a purse everywhere, and liking pretty puppy boys like this schmuck. Anyway... Even if I were to agree that Derek is attractive and a worthwhile pursuit of Meredith's time, a triangle is always more fun to watch.

Much too tidy that everyone got their happy ending and someone we really didn't have a chance to care about was lost. I feel like the writers overextended to fill two hours, then realized "wait, we have 1o minutes to wrap this all up now."

2)More importantly, Meredith lived??? She was in the hallway watching the bomb blow up and she fell down, beaned her head, passed out, and the next time we see her, she's in the shower?? No CAT scan, no stitches? Oh-please.

Oh, the token forehead scratch. (Vintage soap technique. There so we remember She Almost Got Killed, but laughingly minor, like Brenda's bandaid. Or was it Robin Scorpio?) Wouldn't she be covered in tiny cuts from all of that shattering glass?

Honestly, was the explosion imaginary? I feel like I need to watch the show again... did she just pass out in the hallway from extreme stress, and I missed a scene so I didn't understand that?? The aftermath of the explosion was so unrealistic. The other people in the hallway were apparently turned into "pink mist" (that whole speech by Dr. Milton was just cheap fiber but... oh, nevermind). Mer's OK. She's just going to have a quick shower and head home. Whatever.

Furthermore, when the bomb went off, Burke and Sheppard still finished their surgeries? Um, no one noticed the bomb go off? Where was the glass that shattered? It seemed like every bit of glass around was shattered. Didn't that distract at least ONE of them? I do understand that they were no longer in side by side rooms but it seems ONE of them would have had to have been affected. Burke??

3)We didn't see who found Meredith, or see her "come to"... this show really could be a cliffhanger for one more week with a TINY bit of effort. Who found her? Did they think she was dead?

I realize we're verging on "soap opera" again here with cliff hangers at the end of every episode but isn't that the nature of this show? It's a drama and all of the characters are sleeping with one another.

I would have liked to see Bailey hold her baby for the first time, and watch her NAME him Something George Something, in George's presence, which I am sure she did, but we DIDN"T GET TO SEE. Aaagh!! Bad decision!

Which brings me to... I love George. Love him, love him, love him. Compassionate to the paramedic, strong and comforting to Bailey, helping her find her inner resolve, whether he's got it together or he's hopelessly befuddled....love him, love him.

4)I was hoping for a little bit more of an attitude shift in Mer than just repeating the "I don't remember the last time we kissed" crap. Get over it. Move on with your life. For a moment I thought she'd say "I don't remember the last time you made me feel happy. I'm not going to put myself through this anymore."

But, no.If I almost became pink mist, I would take that as a wakeup call and say "you know what? I'm moving on. I got a second chance at life today and I'm not going to waste it whining over your sorry ass anymore. "

5)Izzy's a tramp. Seriously. Twice?? SERIOUSLY? I'm completely exasperated. George DID become a "doer". Izzy didn't. Unless you count doing Alex.

6) Shepard & Burke finished their surgeries at exactly the same time and came upstairs together? And yet, Derek has no idea where Mer is?? Didn't one of them step on her in the hallway? And everyone was milling around the lobby, waiting, presumably on the floor JUST OVER THE BOMB or something?? Do these people understand the word "evacuate"??


Here's a question for long-time General Hospital Fans: Outside of the big warehouse fire, did Brenda run into the arms of Sonny, or Jax? Did it matter?

Twas the weekend before V-Day...

Went to the mall today... horrible mistake, except I got one of my Yankee candle favorites, buy one, get one 50% off... AND I had a gift card that I've been saving since my birthday so I really spent almost nothing. $10 got me $40 worth of candle happiness. It's all good.

The mistake was not anticipating that the entire mall would be mobbed with people because...

• it's almost Valentines day so people are running to throw away their money on ugly jewelry and five dollar greeting cards that people will throw away before March, etc...
• it's going to snow like crazy tomorrow so everyone went out today... because you see when it snows we will all be buried in our homes for weeks... uh, a few hours. Don't even get me started on the people who panic and go to the grocery store and buy 3 carts worth of stuff. We are in a very urban area and the vast majority of storms, we are plowed out the very same day. Take a deep breath, people.
• it's just generally the time of year cabin fever starts to set in AND it's almost a full mooon! Wheeeee!

I laughed like crazy inside the Godiva store. $130 for a box of chocolates. You MUST be kidding. Mr. C is so lucky that I don't like chocolate.

Ever see a Build a Bear store? Well, they rake in the money. The lines were out the door... no doubt people making corny personalized bears. Apparently now you can also build a customized bear on their webpage... which takes away from the experience of BUILDING IT YOURSELF, but whatever. My kids know to not even ask me to go in there. (I'm not a total hardass, I tell the aunts & uncles that my kids love gift certificates for the store, so they do get to go now & then...with someone else...)

My most ego-deflating moment today was when B and I were poking around the iPod store and I realized she is much better than I am at manipulating the little dial that makes the menus work. I almost couldn't figure it out. I am such an idiot sometimes. (Years ago the first time Virgil gave me some software on a CD I actually said "I know this is a moron question, but this is not magnetic, right??)

Well at any rate, I hope have a good weekend. If you're single, just remember this great advice from my Grandpa Harold. He always would look at me, pat me on the head, and say "Don't ever get married." Then he'd laugh, and I would think he was just so silly. (Oh Grandpa, I know for sure you're REALLY laughing at me now, wherever you are. )

PS: is it just me or is Carrot top at the Olympics? (story)

It's a "Celebration"

My daughter and I are baffled by the random 70's / 80's soundtrack for the opening ceremonies. (maybe someone left a Sirius receiver near an open mike?)

Why not have a few bars of each country's national anthem? So many countries will never win a gold medal.

(Oh, and I wish they'd skip the weird symbolic dance number which ALWAYS seems to be a part of the opening ceremonies - but the young girl singing Italy's national anthem was adorable.)

Chick?

I had to resist naming this entry "I'm not a girl?" because I hate the song that springs to mind. Gah!

Got on the elevator yesterday, after getting my usual enormous cup of tea from the cafeteria downstairs. I had this sweater on that snaps up the front and for some reason the 3 bottom snaps opened up. Weird. I just turned wrong and my badge snagged the sweater and poppity pop pop. (I had another shirt on underneath, so it's not like I gave Big Brother in security a free show or anything.)

So I tried to snap them without putting the tea down and finally set my tea down on the floor so I could just fix the sweater. Of course, at that precise moment the doors opened on the second floor, and this guy I don't know walked on.

He gave me the hairy eyeball, because I was sort of flopped over and he asked me if I spilled my tea. I just burst out laughing, and so he did too, and I handed him my tea and sort of said "here, just hold this before I DO spill it everywhere " and he made a remark about some woman falling over on the elevator.... just as I was making a similar remark about "a crazy girl on the elevator".

Wait!!

Did he say woman?? I said girl.

I don't want to be a woman. Women are old and get called Ma'am by grocery baggers. Can we get a new word??

Seriously? Seriously. (yes, I absolutely stole that from GA)

I do not think of myself as a real grownup. Why is that? I have a husband and two kids and a job and two car loans and a mortgage so why do I spend a good portion of my days feeling like I'm not quite as much grown up as everyone around me?

Better the second time around

...Grey's, that is. Still RIGHT on the edge of my seat.

PS: Pam - dump him already. I think that cute guy likes you. (Who laughed when Dwight handed Michael his passport?)

PSS: OK, so multimedia therapy is obviously helping me, but can we just stop with the damn annoying Valentine's day commercials already? Ugh.

more TV therapy

Over on http://www.desperateblog.com/ I just read that Kim Cattrall is going to join the cast of Desperate Housewives. This will be fun...

And a spammy new year

Well I think it's safe to say that the filthy rat bastard who drove me away from AOL by selling my email address to every spammer alive is now working for Yahoo.

Since the beginning of the year I have been getting more than a dozen pieces of spam a day (up from, well, zero...honestly)

Ringtones? You want ringtones, I apparently have about 50 coming to me, along with several plasma tv's, X Box sets... all sorts of new career opportunities ("be a cop" is my favorite... um, no thanks, I'm afraid of bad people with guns...), and dating services. (I didn't know I was single. Hmmm.)

The worst part is, that Yahoo has this feature to filter out spam and drop any incoming mail that it suspects to be spam into a separate folder. I could ignore that folder and all of these tempting offers if I choose.

I can't do it. I am not physically able to look at the screen and see that I have mail sitting in that folder, and not scan every line to make SURE that it really is spam. Oh, I don't open them, I just read the subject line.

By the way, I inherited a lot of money from some dude in Nigeria. Awesome.

Hi

Yep. that's it. Just Hi.

*~*~*~*~

oh, all right.

I have a sinus infection. So it feels like someone took a baseball bat and whacked me in the face repeatedly. Big fun. In honor of the occasion I am abandoning the domestic duties I do actually perform on a consistent basis, in favor of sleeping, watching tv through one partially opened eye, etc. Laundry? I don't seeee any laundry.

This is a very small town. Word has gotten around that my doctor (whose office is two blocks from my house) was fired by the hospital that runs his satellite office.... he actually wanted (gasp!) to offer Saturday hours!! Oh, the horror.

I had to go there today, which I did not want to do on principle, but I had no other easy option. I need some antibiotics. The temporary doctor said "Dr. Z has resigned, and I'm filling in" and I sort of looked to the side and murmured "Uh huh" as I tried not to roll my eyes. She said "everyone keeps giving me that look". I said as nicely as I could "I realize you have to say that, but I heard a very different story." She basically admitted that I was right later on in the visit when she said "well, if you need anything, we'll be here until Dr. Z resurfaces." Ouch. I felt bad for her.

Sooo, I'm sick, and really tired, and it's suddenly cold again here (because the atmosphere suddenly remembered that it is February, and it is supposed to be 20 degrees out).

I work with one spectacular moron who outdid himself today, and that was exhausting. Kick me when I'm down, you bastard.

On a brighter note, Lost is actually new tonight. What, not a rerun from LAST SEASON? But I have a feeling it will be more of the same nothingness. The grammys, well, that could be fun I guess. I'm just not really up for style-watching. (Now you KNOW I'm not feeling well, Tay.)

If you're a "Grey's Anatomy" fan, or even if you aren't, watch the post-superbowl episode in its entirety on Thursday night at 9:30 pm on ABC. You really have to watch this show. Just don't watch the very first dream sequence too critically, because it's really not what this show is all about.

(By the way, I *will* watch the Office, of course, I'm just saying you should also tivo/ dvr the Grey's episode. It was excellent. )

Send me some love, peeps. I feel crummy.

Try this

Well I have been down for the count most of the day. I didn't get the cold last week, but this week I seem to be getting a sinus infection. It was pretty bad this morning. I changed my voicemail greeting at work and when it played back I thought "no way is anyone going to believe this is really what I sound like....ugh"

I came across this "word cloud generator" on Beth's blog. (So, I promptly stole it to use on mine. Not surprising, huh?)



Click here to make your own, from your blog. It takes words that are frequently used and puts the most common ones in a larger font. (Although, it's reading my sidebar because I see JV/15 minute lunch, Sarah, Shamus, Steve, and waiter rant among my words...)

At any rate I like the fact that home, photographs, and wine are in here. Some of my favorite things! (Which doesn't explain "work", but whatever....)

During a boring teleconference, perhaps

I bought my daughter her first electric razor and she was reading the package and burst out laughing...

"...perfect for the home, travel, gym, or office."

WTF?

Now I can see using a product like this at home or in a hotel room, of course. At the gym, well, yes, in the locker room if you're heading off to work after you exercise.

But the office?

I can just picture myself whipping this out of my desk drawer , putting my phone headset on mute and getting that little pesky spot over my ankle that I always miss.

Not.

(My daughter's other question was, why is this woman shaving her neck?? Which at first glance seems to be what she is doing... but it's actually her underarm... despite the fact that the package says you CAN shave your neck with this... )

Hypothetical Sex

Let's say, hypothetically of course, that I was out scrapbooking with an old friend and some of her friends. In their church hall. They are very devout Christian women with fine strong morals and more virtues in their delicate pinkies than in my entire ...universe... hypothetically of course.

Should we all discuss various tv shows we enjoy, and those we don't care for, those very conservative women would hypothetically discuss Shows That Are Just Bad And Wrong and mention, possibly, Sex and the City.

My very most favorite show ever.

They would, given their values and their belief in chastity, fidelity, etc, hypothetically make sweeping statements such as "those women are all sluts, sleeping with one man after another."

Having NEVER watched an entire episode, of course.

As much as it would hypothetically tie knots in my liver, would I refrain from pointing out that these are CHARACTERS on a TV SHOW which examines issues of sexuality from various viewpoints - issues which might be of great interest for healthy, (gasp!) sexually active women?

That Miranda was very cynical, but somewhat willing to explore new things, Charlotte was a hopeless romantic and rather uptight, Samantha was very comfortable with exploring all things sexual.... allowing lively discussions/debates in the coffeshop.

That Carrie was the common thread (because really, would these women know each other and be friends for any other reason?) and the narrator, the moderator, trying to take in these drastically different viewpoints and find the ones that were right for her. That truly, Samantha was the only character who WANTED promiscuity, preferring to sleep with one man after another, rather than seeking 'the right guy' and permanence, and in the end even she realized that's what she truly wanted. (Damn he was cute, too...)

And would one monogamous relationship per female have been able to realistically depict ALL of these issues arising? It's about telling stories. Many stories, to explore many subjects. It's sex ed 1001, and every college freshwoman should have to watch them all. Hell, the boys too, dammit. Know what you want, what you don't want, and be willing to entertain the idea that your idea of sexuality may be very different from someone else's, but neither of you would necessarily be WRONG.

How lucky these women are to be married, and not "dating", especially in today's reality. Not having to let their guard down again and again... not to know how hard it is to get back up on the bicycle when you've done a face plant into a mud puddle. To be spared the pain of THINKING "this is it, he's the one" and feel the joy of the intimacy that our bodies were designed for...by divine hand or evolution, tee hee....and then have that person abruptly vanish from your life.

But hypothetically, I would just sit there with my impure, seriously-in-the-minority at-that- moment thoughts and not say a word and smile to myself, because hypothetically, I'm probably going to buy that pretty pink boxed set on Amazon.

Day 1 recap

What I actually DID on day 1 of my vacation:

• stay in bed until 10:30 A.M. , on the phone with Sue for 2 hours. I love my sister.
• pondered the thought that maybe Bradd Pitt is just a weird pain in the ass (why does he always morph to look like the woman he's shagging?) and maybe just MAYBE Jen is happy to be rid of him given that his IQ appears to be about 40. This thought arose after discussing how much it has to suck to have your love life disasters splashed all over the internet.
• used lots of Zicam... honestly, you should go buy a pack of this stuff now, and when you feel that creepy scum on the back of your throat that tells you you're getting a cold, start using it right away and you will be amazed. I wouldn't steer you wrong. Look for the cold remedy ones that look like individually wrapped q-tips, not the nasty spray bottle, because then you can share the box with your family since everybody tends to catch a cold all at once. They WORK.
• watched one of my favorite movies... I'd tell you but you'd laugh so nevermind...by then, it was past lunchtime... heh. After lunch I started the first of 6 loads of laundry. (I can never escape that.)
• checked my work email... because I am a dork...and we can't have my blood pressure get down to normal, can we?
• made my son write all 40 of his spelling words for this week, five times each. Holy crap this took FOR-ever. Hours. You would have thought I was making him write out the encylopedia page for page and he drove me crazy trying to get out of doing it. No, you can not go across the street and play with that kid I can't stand who always turns everything into a toy gun. Mmmmmnope.
• meanwhile, my daughter was working on her state project (the teacher gave her enough homework to match an entire school day, which annoyed the crap out of me because it meant we couldn't go anywhere fun) and B and I got into a good argument over Vermont's topographical map. I'm always happy when the school learning fair is O-V-E-R.
• this is Catholic schools week (propaganda and open houses....) and so my daughter also had to make a funny hat. This turned into a torture exercise and yielded one reeeeeeally ugly hat. Oh, and also a large mess.
• Watched Survivor. They are SO stupid to have voted her out rather than Ms. Leaves. Even Jeff was saying "what??"
• Watched the Office.... why is it getting depressing now? Or is it just me? Every episode seems to end on a down note.

You will notice I did not do MOST of the things I previously said I would....oh well. Tomorrow...

I might almost actually relax...

This never happens! FOUR FREE DAYS (almost). I don't have to go back to work until Monday, and I don't really have plans for most of that time.

Here are some things I have on deck:

• loaf around in sweats and watch whatever episodes of The Office that I still have on my DVR (and purge High School Musical.... damn I know almost this whole movie by heart... my kids keep playing it...)
• clean out "my corner" which is where my scrapbook & jewelry stuff is. I have a very small card table that I use to work on but it's piled high with crap. I need to fix that situation so that I can use the table.




• I have to re-build my dragonfly necklace because I sold it to someone just before Christmas. I had planned on making a copy to sell to her, and I purchased all of the materials, but I just ran out of time and at a very frazzled moment I thought "why am I killing myself like this?" -- so, I sold her the original. Besides, now I can rework it slightly so the strands are more entwined. Damn, this bullet is messed up and I can't fix it. Arrrgh. Must Learn More HTML.





• I also have to make a gift for my mother in law. She is going to be 80 and we are having a VERY small party (immediate family only) at her request. Every year she writes a Christmas letter (they send out about 75 Christmas cards, no lie, but only about 20 that are out of state get the letter). I am going to build her a shell album for them, where each page is decorated along the right 2" or so with Christmas-y sort of paper and the year. I know she has letters going back for 15 - 20 years at least; my only challenge is to figure out two things: how far back to go, and how many future pages to make. ("what you think I'll be dead by 2010?" - no way will I win this one). I can't ask for the letters, because then she'll figure out what I'm doing. So I'll have the album ready and decorated and we can just add the letters in after I give her the gift.
• Watch Survivor!! booo yahhh
• Other scrapbooking - I have a bunch of photos to upload to Snapfish so that I can order prints; I have several ongoing album projects (see how I am building a list of Everything I Have Ever Been Meaning To Do?? I always do that when I have time off....) where was I?
• school stuff - it's about time for me to work on the Father Daughter dance AND I am helping with the school play this year. I'm mostly going to manage the process of getting other parents involved so that the two teachers doing the play don't try to do all of the associated work as well such as costumes, etc. It will be fun. (Remind me of this statement, in April.)
• Oh, and YAY... more wine classes have been set up! Ted, wine & cheese... I'm so excited. Recaps will be posted, hopefully starting next week.
  

I will need a vacation after this...