new friends and old

Three new blogs I am enjoying lately...

I love - LOVE -- Pioneer Woman for her recipes, her photoshop tutorials (haven't tried any of the actions for Photoshop that she offers yet, but I will, you know, ....when the yearbook is done), her stories about life on the ranch with Marlboro Man, oh... just go check her out already. I guess it's my "I read every Laura Ingalls Wilder book" thing coming back to haunt me.

I found her on Bakerella (you HAVE to go look at the cute "cake pops" she makes)

My third favorite new read is sort of a tie between Bitshitdad and the Meanest Mom . Because, well he actually TOLD his kids we become FOOD FOR WORMS after we die...

(....and thus when asked what happened when we die I said that essentially that was it, blackness, void, nothing and we became food for worms and no, there was no big party where we would all meet up again...)

which is horrifyingly funny because oh my god did you really DO THAT, and she takes photos of her kids having tantrums and POSTS THEM, and that's just something I never got around to doing myself, so I salute her. Heh heh.

As far as "Old friends", today one of my FAVORITE college friends got back in touch with me via Facebook...she had moved and got married and I lost track of her about ten years ago, so I am THRILLED to see her name. ( I am a total Facebook junkie. My cheesecake Tuesday partners want me to come up with a great Facebook app for them to write. I'm thinking. Thinking. No ideas, but I'm thinking.)

Bookish

I am a big fan of http://mypublisher.com/ and have made several books there.

This morning I did a book for the Stations of the Cross performance that my daughter has been participating in this Lent. (click here if you don't know what the Stations are ... Sometimes they are simply read aloud at a short prayer service during Lent; you will see scuptures of the stations on the walls of many Catholic churches)

What she is participating in is something of a mime performance, only with no invisible boxes. They are all in black clothing with white faces and stand nearly motionless until it is their turn to make a "freeze" type pose showing of one of the stations. It is organized by a teacher at a Catholic school over the river with only male students; she invites ladies from other schools, to play the role of the weeping women, Veronica, and Mary.

The overall effect of seing young people do this performance is very moving... you would be surprised at how reverent these 8th graders are. This is a committment that began with rehearsals in January and is multiple nights per week as we get closer to Easter. There is narration and singing and it is wonderful.

(I was NOT into the idea and avoided going to the first few shows - they perform at a different church service each week - until my kid called me out for not going at all... um, sorry... that's when I started posting statues and windows here.)

Last week I was able to go again and sit right near the front and photograph the entire performance. The gym was VERY bright and I could shoot without flash. (It's kind of a thing for me, to be annoyed by conspicuous photography of an event.)

So I put together a book and will be getting one for each of the 3 girls from our school, as well as the teacher who directs the whole production. I'm pretty happy with how it came out.

Long way to tell you, the photo above is the cover... I edited the tonal curve again, only not in such a ::::cough::: crazy way this time. It's cropped a bit more than I did here, using the mypublisher software. I wanted it to be a bit more like a graphic print than a straight photo, and I'm pretty happy with this version (I edited a few times, in many the cross got too dark).

Which is another way of saying, NO, I still don't have the yearbook done yet. How is everyone coming along with doing their taxes, by the way?

Yes, Jordan?

So tonight we brought Kid1 to 9th grade orientation (because it will be at a different school).

I was very proud of my quiet, well behaved kid when this young "lady", Jordan, interrupted the guidance counselor 1,000 times. Mind you, there were 40 people in the room

You could see the GC get more annoyed each time. She would say, for example, that there will be two labs each week and J would blurt out "how many?". Or that something is a requirement ("Do we have to take it?")

Over the course of one hour the presentation was literally ground to a halt by this kid. Over and over.

I am SO sure Jordan will be in EVERY class with my kid......

Carly(via Blackberry)

A blur of a weekend

I am still TECHNICALLY employed until Wednesday. Last Friday a bunch of my work friends met at a bar for a sort of farewell "happy hour" for me, even though they know I'll still stalk them all for lunches when I can. One friend was kind enough to use his iPhone to document my (slight ? ) inebriation on Facebook... thanks Troy!! They gave me a wonderful card and gift... it was awesome.

Saturday I went to see my friend sing in a performance of Bach/ the St. John Passion. I could talk about how cool it was to score a 5th row seat (basically front & center since the rows ahead of me were kept empty for best visibility) or how amused I was by the diva (um, guest soprano) and her lovely dress (oh wait, now I'm being snarky) or how GOOD the tenor was (and how I wish I could drag him away and hide him up in our choir loft to replace icky Dick... but no restraining order required, really....) or how petrified I was that I'd fall asleep due to it being a 3 hour concert and I was ah, a little worn out from Friday... but seriously.

I don't think I've ever been up close like that for a live chorale + orchestra (about 100 people onstage) and it was really fantastic. I love to peoplewatch and I got there early enough to see some of the members tune their instruments and chat casually with one another. It's so entertaining for me, to watch the faces of the singers and see how much they enjoy performing, and watch them FEEL the emotions of what they're singing. And of course, the actual performance was outstanding. The harmonies were so amazing, the instruments complemented the singing so perfectly. Words fail me.

At the reception after the show I had a chat with the singer who sang Pilate (I had met him previously, he's a regular member of the group) and we talked about the different ways you could say "what is truth?" to reflect a wide range of emotions -- given where I am these days it was an interesting convergence.

Yesterday was the basketball awards banquet. :::eyeroll:::: Overall it was lovely and the food was great, but there were a couple of idiots and a couple of jerks, and so what could have been a fine evening got pretty crazy here and there.

All of the coaches in the league were on board with "no extra trophies" request from the league directors, except ONE coach, and so it was pretty obnoxious when he gave a bobblehead to every member of his team. Oy vey. There's always one person who believes every kid should have a trophy, and that person is not me. Fine, when they're little and playing T-ball, hey, that's swell, but when they're almost in high school, let's get real. The world is not going to applaud you every day just for showing up.

Awards go to the kids who work hard to be the best. That's life. And kids need to learn that yes, sometimes other kids are going to be better at you than something and you might not get a trophy. My kid was disappointed, but he got over it. It just wasn't his year. Some of the other kids are older and taller and just a little bit ahead of where he is, and it is what it is (but yes I comforted him as best I could... it's not like I'm unsympathetic to his feelings. ).

I'm tired and not on track with my "plan" yet - (to spring clean and catch up on every project I ever started, ever..... ) almost every day this lunch I am having lunch with friends. I am still feeling very disorganized.... blah!

Probably not, but SO glad you asked

Fran stands next to me in choir. She is, um, well, let's say "definitely retired" and leave it at that. She scares me a little; long ago she used to teach voice so she is VERY particular about holding notes and reading the markings and so on. No sloppy singing please.

Once she actually slapped me... or at least, my foot. I was exhausted (this was back when I was on medications for my heart problem) and slumped back in my chair, with one foot up on my other leg's knee. I was basically about to fall asleep. She SMACKED that foot off my leg and said sternly "Sit up." Yes, ma'am.

That being said, standing next to her for five years, I have learned SO much about reading music and singing (forming words so that the sound better, like singing Lawd and not Lorrrrrd, and so on)

So anyway, we filmed that special mass today. Before we started the actual shooting a producer announced that everyone should check their cellphones and turn them off and not do any texting during the service. (:::eyeroll::::)

Fran pipes up "Can we Tweet?"

Exponentially awesome.

Action

Today they are filming mass at my church. If you're local to me, it will be shown at 9 am on Easter on cable channel 3.

They set up cameras yesterday and moved all the choir chairs to the center of the loft. I'm so not in the mood to stand in a different spot with people I'm not used to having in the row behind me singing their parts in my ear. I really hope this ends up being fun.

Today was the day I figured was coming; I am in a funk and maybe in part it's because my 'farewell happy hour' is tonight. I'm looking forward to going, but not to leaving it, of course.

Purple Day

By the way, you might see people wearing purple, and this button.... someone in my family has Epilepsy, so I am just doing my part to spread the word a little bit more, to all of my 20 faithful readers. ;-)

Go here to read more about it. If "Talk Like a Pirate Day" can make it big... you know what I'm saying?

The Idiot Box

This is why I am being sure to shut OFF the tv every day when the others leave...

a couple of years ago my kid got some teeth pulled and got loopy. Some other dude videotaped HIS kid having a similar reaction...right down the to the double vision, and it was on YouTube and got something like 16 million hits, (nope, I can't be bothered to search for it, you go ahead) and so he was on the Today show, where the crew is rather mercilessly mocking Matt Lauer about his little run in with Bambi, but I digress....

IS THERE NO REAL NEWS? Wait for it... there is a writer who did an Op Ed piece condemning the dad because parents should protect their children from drugs, not exploit them. Oooh, manufactured controversy. Based on this event. Really.

Obviously, she has no familiarity with the orthodontic process. Anesthesia is a drug, yes. Kids freak out at the thought of getting teeth yanked out. Who doesn't?? No one popped open a Coors lite for this kid and got him drunk. Seriously people.

At the end of the segment Dad even got his own shot in at Lauer, telling him he should put a deer whistle on his bike. Nervy bastard.



Well, I'm off to unearth my art desk. A yearbook in progress exploded all over it.

People I will miss

At work there was an older man who worked in the cafeteria as a dishwasher. Whenever he saw me he would say "Goodmorning, my lady" in a way that seemed to show that he grew up in the south.

I don't know his name but I always was happy to exchange greetings with him. I said goodbye to JC, the grill cook who flirts with all the ladies and makes the guys wait forever for their food. Also to Shirley, who I got my tea from everymorning (with a straight face she would say "Fifteen dollars"). But I didn't get to wish the other gentleman godspeed.

I actually respect him far more than the senior manager who decided to inform us all in a group of our impending departure. Money does not make a man worthy.

Carly(via Blackberry)

A good day

Today I mailed back some of the legal papers I got when they gave me the boot. It was a little weird to not have a job to go to.
I had a pretty good day. I had lunch and Cheesecake Machismo treats with friends. (Pumpkin Caramel cheesecake is fantastic.) Then I went to the mall with Suzy. I bought some Yankee Candle tea lights to help pretend it really is spring and not winter again.

A senior manager called me to tell me to use him as a reference. Awesome.

Carly(via Blackberry)

I'm really not going back there, am I?

I did pretty well yesterday but after dinner I had "a moment". Or about 45 minutes worth.

It reminded me of when I did my first 5k. It was time to line up and I went WAAAAY to the back of the pack. I stood there and freaked out about how all of these other people were going to run away ahead of me and I'd be last, with a police motorcycle practically clipping the backs of my sneakers.

So yes, I freaked a little last night. It was that same "Oh my god, NOW what will I do?" feeling.

But I ran anyway then, so I guess that's what I have to do now.

I was "good" and got up this morning with the rest of the family, got dressed, and wrote out some bills. Brilliant, now I'm more anxious. But hey, my heat bill is $100 lower this month.

By the way, you may recall I was pleasantly surprised how things turned out in that 5 K. Ran into things I didn't anticipate (the new gatorade flavor I tried was NOT delicious, gag me, and there were high school kids passing out on the sidelines of the race from the heat so what the helllll was I doing running????) but I kept going, and in the end I was happy with the results of my efforts. A decent time, within my goals.

Here's hoping, this summer will go as well.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Carly has left the building

Got to work today and my badge has already been blocked. Why thannnnnk you.

Chatted with a few people I'd been hoping to catch and then turned my stuff over to my manager.

Came home and while I had lunch I started watching the DVD's I bought the other day... Lost, Season 4. I was watching the behind the scenes stuff about some of the stunt work. Cool. By the way if you've never read Jorge Garcia's http://dispatchesfromtheisland.blogspot.com/ (he's Hurley, of course) you are missing a fun one. I like the fact that he actually uses "Dude" in his posts.

(On another front alltogether, http://bitshitdad.blogspot.com/ is pretty amusing)

OK, gotta go, time to get started on organizing myself and everything I have to do. Paperwork to do, projects to start, .... lots of stuff. Not hours on facebook tending MyFarm ;-)

It's (not) so hard to say goodbye to yesterday

This afternoon I tried to write a 'farewell note' to my coworkers. Didn't send it.

Maybe I've missed someone. But most of the people I know, I've talked to, in person or on the phone, or via facebook/ IM texts / email, in the past 5 days. And I just don't think anyone else will care. I mean, yes they're sorry to see me laid off, but in a more abstract way and not "Carly won't be around to go have coffee with anymore". *

Will it be strange to walk down the hallway one last time, and not know that in a few days I'll be back and the doors will thunk shut behind me as though I'd never left? Sure. I've worked for ONE company, almost 22 years. But I've already done the months of discouraged uncertainty. I feel a sense of peace with what is happening.

I did have a great line about how disappointed I was in management's decision to notify me in a group. But in the end, I just can't be bothered to fling that oh so clever note out there. It just doesn't matter. It's time for me to move on.


* I don't drink coffee. ;-)




Carly(via Blackberry)

Just saying

Eleven year olds should not buy and drink an entire can of Amp when their father isn't paying attention. Just saying.

Carly(via Blackberry)

Sunday Art

So, I'm inclined to think that most people would expect to see the ENTIRE window, as in this shot....

but how do you like this one?

I don't know if the rule of thirds is really useful in this setting, but I did put Mary "on the grid".

I was at another church the other evening (early enough to catch the sunset light coming through this window and two others). This particular church is slated to close in 2010. More beautiful statues gathering dust, more stained glass artistry about to be boarded up. When I was a teen I used to wish that I could create stained glass windows. There's something about them I love.

Waving my arms like Carrie Ann Inaba...

Monday I will bring in my laptop, my badge and my corporate credit card (sniffle) and give them to my boss. I'll throw away some papers and hopefully walk out of there by noon.

I almost forgot

It's Learning Fair Night!!!!! Wheeeeeeee.

Carly(via Blackberry)

Short timer

For the first morning in a while I woke up and didn't whimper at the thought of going to the office ;-)

I may not be required to actually go IN anymore after Monday or so (fingers crossed--- I have so many fun things to start doing and stuff I want to get DONE for school....) - I just went out onto my beautiful new screen porch and grinned from ear to ear at the thought of all of the LOVELY spring and early summer afternoons I will be spending there.

My rough plans are to get up each day, kick the rest of the family out of the house, (HeeHeee), and have a leisurely cup of tea contemplating NOTHING AT ALL. And reveling in the fact that I could do NOTHING AT ALL, all day, and GET A PAYCHECK ANYWAY. God Bless America.

Then I will spend a couple of hours on spring cleaning and decluttering (the main floor, the garage, attic, basement...sigh). After that, go for a run, eat lunch and then spend time on some of my art projects that have been not-so-patiently waiting. Somewhere before or after "cook dinner from actual real food" will be a daily chunk of time spent on the online CBT's that I will have access to as part of the outsourcing services.

Once school lets out I will be looking for different places around here to take the kids on hikes, and other fun stuff that's relatively cheap, and we will make the round of FWPs (Friends With POOLS!!!! It better not effing rain all summer long, or you will HEAR me screaming from wherever you are). I promised Mr. Carly I would start earnestly searching for a job around Aug 1st... hopefully though, I can strrrrrrretch out my vacation just a little bit beyond that.

Now if only I didn't have to actually GET a job. Ever again. Sigh.....

Pocketfull of sunshine

This was on my desk when I got in to work this morning. (I actually just remebered that I did BUY it last month, but still... ). A nice way to start the day.

Carly(via Blackberry)

It's Only Life

So by chance a while ago I downloaded a few songs from Kate Voegele because I like her song "Only fooling myself". I randomly picked from songs of hers that were "popular" on iTunes.

just listening to this one for the first time now...

Tears are forming in your eyes, a storm is warning in the skies, the end of the world it seems, you bend down and you fall on your knees, well get back on your feet , yeah, don't look away, don't run away, baby it's only life, don't lose your faith, don't run away, it's only life. You were always playing hard, never could let down your guard, you can't win, if you never give in, to that voice within, saying pick up your chin, baby let go of it, yeah, don't look away, don't run away, baby, it's only life.

Making Lemonade

So... today I was given "hard notice"... which means two weeks from today I will be an "ex" employee.

The formal notice was a meeting that was rather excrutiatingly unpleasant... there were actually a bunch of us in the room, all being told at the same time, and one woman cried throughout the process. One of my longtime teammates and I were in the meeting together and we expected a longer notice period, so that was a "Huh?" moment. I do feel very VERY grateful to be getting separation pay for a while, and that's all I'll say about that.

I cried a little, but not during that actual meeting - I saw a friend of mine in the restroom before I went to the meeting, and she hugged me, and that did it... and then one of my longtime friends / bosses came to see if I was ok, and I am, but of course that made me cry because it was so sweet of her.

I guess I could say I am relieved that it's no longer hanging over me. I feel that I have a small window of time before I start searching in earnest -- to finish up some things I committed to do for school, some SERIOUS spring cleaning, and then there is the matter of a certain race I plan to run in a little over 10 weeks. And I also hope to take plenty of photos, and road trip out to see two of my favorite people. (I am SO bringing a ton of Freihoffer's cookies to you guys - you were so awesome to support me the way you did today)

So now I get to put my motto to the test:

I guess if you don't jump, you never know if you can fly.....

With a cherry on top

Can't drink at work. So the only way I can cope while waiting for the pending layoffs is to consume insanely good treats.

My two favorite lunch buddies and I have instituted cheesecake Tuesday. It came about rather by accident. First I brought in a few spare cheesecake/ carrot cake cupcakes. Then Dan found Cheesecake Machismo downtown.

Today we savored a REAL Junior's Cheesecake from the original restaurant in Brooklyn. Drew was there over the weekend and it was fairly easy to convince him that he could not return to us empty handed. It's gone NOW, of course. Dan proclaimed the glazed strawberries on top "mad good".

So I guess it's my turn to make something for next week. Hmmmmm.

Carly(via Blackberry)

Irish eyes

Every year I get flowers for St. Pat's.

I'm not Irish -- but do have Irish children, and if I hadn't lost my first baby long, long ago we'd be celebrating a birthday about now for someone I am fairly sure would have been a cute little redhead.

My heart aches a little less every year, but I always remember, when the first bulbs peek up out of the ground. Xo, sweet baby. Mama loves you, wherever you are.

Carly(via Blackberry)

Not dancing

So, basketball is over for us. The kids had their championship game and my kid had maybe 45 seconds of time on the court. They lost by 3 pts, and he was really frustrated.

I think he was caught up all week in the daydream of making the winning shot in the big game, and it was bitterly disappointing to basically go in and then be swapped out almost right away. Also hard for me, to say, yes today sucked but your job is to respect your coach and let him make the decisions he makes.

D is a September birthday, and so in the end he's almost a year younger than most of the other kids in his grade. So the others on the team are taller, and maybe better. Plus the opposing team was from a big town, so they have the cream of the crop to fill their roster. We were down 12-0 there before we scored and it got really close after that, we even lead here and there, but just couldn't get the win.

Booooo. So basketball is making lots of good kids bummed out tonight... a heartbreaker...


Carly(via Blackberry)

Ooops, part 342

So, every now & then while driving I turn to the right at a corner and WHABAM, I manage to go launching over a curb with one or two tires on that right side. (What can I say, the street I live on is pretty narrow and turns onto one that is also too darn narrow. Who am I kidding? I am a crappy driver. I much prefer to be driven places, thank you very much. Curbs are not my friends. )

At any rate, this is what happens when you drive like I do... boys and their machines print pictures like the above to prove to you (ok, only me....) that you/ I really DO need an alignment.

Hello? It's me! I know how many curbs I've skateboarded up over. No convincing required. Fix it. JUST FIX IT. Than-queue.

If it were you ...you wouldn't be laughing at all

I'm posting this video primarily for my two loyal readers across the pond... so that they understand the TORTURE I feel that this ad comes on 20,000 times a day and my son eagerly sings along every time.

And, if you haven't HAD a fillet o fish, it's a tiny piece of tasteless fish almost obscured by breading, with a lame piece of equally tasteless "cheese" glueing it off center on a plain hamburger bun, and a tiny blob of tartar sauce on top. Horrible 90% of the time, but damn good if you get a fresh hot one. What??? hey, I'm honest.

Friday the 13th

might be a VERY long day.....

This is great product. Just try to stay awake long enough not to drop it (sigh).

Carly(via Blackberry)

Mount bitchin'

OK, technically it's got another name, but we can't have my kid googling that name, and finding this page, now can we???? and just think about some hapless kid googling NEXT year for the learning fair. Yes, give up now, Tommy, you will never make a volcano as awesome as this one.

Of course, Tommy won't have Suzy, the ultimate Secret Weapon Aunt, to take him shopping, (another $30 at the craft store, dammit I hate the learning fair....) and talk him through hours of layering pieces of newspaper, covering it all with goopy plaster strips and shaping ridges, painting all those washed layers of color, and glueing teeeeeeny tiny rocks onto the whole thing. Sorry, kid.

It's good that this came out just exponentially awesome, because my kid forgot to hand in a couple of labs and he's got a "D" right now this quarter. But hey, "D" is for Diploma, right?

(The only thing more awesome than this project is that I didn't have to touch it at any point.)

That special time of year

Yes, kids, not only is it basketball playoff season.

Can I digress to say that my kid's best friend hit all his foul shots Sunday and screwed me out of $70?? That's what I paid for my two to participate in Honors Band; the performance of which is OF COURSE at the same time as the championship my kid will now be lacing up his hightop sneakers for.

Good thing I did all that nagging about practice, huh?

Where was I ? Oh, right. The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year. LEARNING FAIR!!! And you all thought it was Christmas!!!

This year we had to make a volcano. And it must be a specific volcano, that the kids picked around january and did a paper on. Oh, and wait for it -- it has to smoke, or put out lava, Just Like The Real One.

Eff me.

As usual Suzy came in to save the day before I completely shorted out, and we now have a bitching volcano on my kitchen table, which she patiently talked Kid through while I did groceries, cooking, laundry and other Stuff. Photos tomorrow.

All in all we had time to do this project and I called in the big guns so it all tricked me into thinking "this wasn't so bad".

Ha.

Today my son advised us he has to attend the LF (next Thursday) in costume as a greek mythological figure, Orpheus.

Seriously. I mean, a toga, right?? Right???


Carly(via Blackberry)

I could have starved!

Once again I attended a fundraiser subtitled "Confections in Chocolate"... the big draw is the dessert table. Did I mention I don't really like chocolate? Oh sure, I dipped a strawberry in the chocolate fountain, but otherwise it's kind of a yawner for me. I know. I know!!

But since I also know some of you would love to daydream about a table FULL of every chocolate dessert imaginable... here you go, a few closeups:

And the entire table...

Why are the photos all so dark? It's dark chocolate (groan)!

And then

We closed the casket, and then the service for Ted was over.

Carly(via Blackberry)

Oops

Me, to males in the household, while I was on my way out the door: "...and clean that fish tank out. One of the fish is going to die!"

(Annoyed, I was, because thanks to the magic of playoffs, basketball season goes on and on. See me cheering because we won? I know. Evil. )

Cut to present; Ted is floating sideways on top of the water. The "clean" tank smells fishy. I'm wondering what kind of warm bath they put him back into when they filled it.

Carly(via Blackberry)

Clicked: Yankee

I am beginning to be more comfortable asking people if I can photograph them.

This guy walked out of the convenience store as I was walking in yesterday, and the goggles on the dog made my brain explode. I couldn't get done with the atm quickly enough (but I had to count my money, it's the same one that gave me $20 too much last week).

He was enjoying his coffee when I went out so I chatted with him for a minute. I didn't want to be too intrusive, so I just snapped one shot. The dog's name is Yankee, for the NY Yankees, and has logged many miles in that little carrier (LOVE THE DENIM JACKET.... omg....)

Black tie affair

Chocolate fountain good. Sticking to your plate when it sets, bad.

Scallops in bacon! Undercooked.

Free champagne. Didn't get any.

The local news anchor we met last year remembered my son and stopped a conversation to go over and say hi to him. Awesome. He's weariing a kilt. Hmm.

Carly(via Blackberry)

Yum

Suzy left us red velvet cupcakes. Yay!

Carly(via Blackberry)

Silly really

I love Sirius. I get to hear stuff like per gessle. (Lyrics below )

I checked all of my options for plans -I was due to auto renew this month.

I thought about just getting rid of it and buying an adapter to just listen to my ipod but I really wanted the variety that Sirius gives me.

I don't care about Howard. I need music in the morning, not talking. So I saved at least $5 a month with "mostly music".




come to think about it it's silly really
when you're thinkin' about it even less you seem to know
come to think about it it's silly really
when you fumble about it even less you seem to know
it's so silly silly silly so silly silly silly
you'd better get up and get somethin' goin'
you'd better get up because your mind might get misled
it's all a mistake unless i'm much mistaken


Carly(via Blackberry)

Clicked - St. Joseph

IMG_0817
Originally uploaded by carlyq80

APB and I have a recurring thread in our conversations. We are both working on our photography skills. When we see an opportunity for a picture we would like to take, but real life gets in the way, it's Unclicked.

This was almost Unclicked. I brought one of my children to a church to participate in a Stations of the Cross service. (It's a Lent thing, in catholic churches, if you are not familiar with it).

The church is going to be closing soon; it is one of many recently announced by the Diocese (who had a sinister way of going about it if you ask me; pull people from each parish, ask THEM to recommend which of their houses to close, and then say "well, YOU decided"....but I digress)

After dropping off my kid I walked out with the intent of getting this picture. But this church is NOT in a good neighborhood. And it was almost 6pm, getting dark, and there was a group of "kids" who were approaching, but definitely not on their way to this church, if you know what I mean, and I didn't want to put myself into a situation where I was all alone and waving a camera around. Not that mine is very expensive, but I am rather a chickenish old girl and didn't want to be hooted at for taking a picture of "a dumb statue". OK, that makes me 100% poultry.

So I walked down the street and got in my car and had an argument with myself about whether I had just been stupid and other labels. I decided to go back (ended up just driving down to park right near here), because I really liked the glow of the spotlight on the statue.

It makes me sad that things like this are no longer appreciated. They're no longer relevant to so many people. My church is beautiful, and I think about the people who used their time and talents to create the stained glass windows and the statues and the other elements.

How many people were inspired or comforted or proud to look at this statue? Who sacrificed money to give so that the church could have it in the courtyard? (These are the types of distractions that fill my head as I walk around every day. I see an old run down house in the neighborhood and I wonder who built it and how proud they must have been and think about how they'd feel to see it now. And then I get sad, because I am a rose-colored glasses romantic. )

And now beautiful things like this sculpture are being lost, slipping away. This courtyard will be locked, and for all I know the statue might be put into a storage garage somewhere.

Kind of ironic given that St. Joseph is held up as a role model for fathers, and this church is smack dab in the middle of an area that could really use some good strong fathers caring for their kids and leading them down the right path.

I could go off on a tangent about the "father" of this parish not being able to reach out to the community and relate to them and help them fight the decline that's spreading there... but.... I don't have much more of a dissertation formed in my head beyond that simple thought.

Anyway... clicked.

Did Rosie drown her sorrows in fudge ripple?

I am working on creating a mindset for myself where I will not fall into a puddle of weeping goo on the floor if I am one of the people who are job eliminated. My hope is to hold my head high, walk out quietly, and then go home. There I will probably proceed to eat a half gallon of maple walnut ice cream, with about 3 bananas and more walnuts on top. Oh, and real whipped cream, thank you very much. (I don't think having a drink would really be a good idea when trying to avoid the weepy.)

Because, hey, my house REALLY needs a good damn spring cleaning, and I always wish I had more time to run, and there are other things that I need to be doing. This mindset is only made PARTLY possible by my long tenure with the company and that they haven't yet announced any changes to separation packages. I would have some breathing room, before I had to completely panic about finding a job. Not much, because I know it's bad, but a bit of room.

(This photo is described further here.)

The last stretch

I am struggling today. Rumors are rampant that there will be cuts, deep cuts, at my job, in less than 2 weeks.

I work in a small department with 4 people. My role supports their work. I could easily be cut. But if their jobs are cut I could end up being a liason to offshore replacements for them. I don't want that any more than I want to lose MYjob. Or, hey, we could all be cut. It's swell.

The "deadman walking" dread took over in my car this morning. Not fun. Plenty of kleenex.

In trying to psych myself up to suck it up and keep working for the next 2 weeks I drew upon some old high school memories.

I was on the track team. I was NOT in my element. But I stuck with it specifically because it WAS so far out of my comfort zone. I needed to finish the season, to be more than just a little bookworm.

My parents actually had a bet about whether I'd finish. I wasn't really supposed to know that, but it shows that they just didn't get it, didn't know how to be supportive when a kid wants to branch out.

So one race (I did the racewalk, which is something ridiculous like 6 or 8 times around; it's been 25 years and I don't remember!) I had someone far better than me actually lap me on her way to the final turn. It completely sucked. I heard her friends saying "(whoever) just lapped that girl." Laughing. I wanted to just walk OFF the track.

But I didn't quit, I found a tiny spark of SOMETHING to give myself that push that I needed to make it once more around.

I need to find that again, I need to somehow keep moving around this track until I know if I'm cut from the team.

On the bright side, I might have plenty of time to hit the track this summer.

So, dear readers, if you have any encouraging words, please feel free to yell in my direction. ;-)



Carly(via Blackberry)

Sorry

'What am I supposed to be doing here again? Because I'm really not sure anymore."

Today was not a great day; IF you dillegently answer someone's questions for months (since October) and then they report to their manager that they've been trying to get you to give them information since November (couldn't he at least look through his mailbox to get his dates right?? oh, no, because then he'd see that I ANSWERED HIS QUESTIONS), and what they want is not at all what they've been asking for... welll, THEN you might be a programmer. Or someone lucky enough to work with them.

(To all my geeks, I still love you, I'm just having a bad day...)

question := (2B != 2B )

(yes, I'm just making that up, I know it's a mishmosh and probably wouldn't compile )

Photo by me, on the way home from work.

To my darling babies

Do you see that white stuff, that's falling from the sky? It's called s-n-o-w.

When it snows, people wear things called b-o-o-t-s. Not sneakers. The point being, to not get the cold, wet snow all over your f-e-e-t. And yes, you DO have to. Really. Now.

PS: Mommy loves you even when you're grumpy.