The last stretch

I am struggling today. Rumors are rampant that there will be cuts, deep cuts, at my job, in less than 2 weeks.

I work in a small department with 4 people. My role supports their work. I could easily be cut. But if their jobs are cut I could end up being a liason to offshore replacements for them. I don't want that any more than I want to lose MYjob. Or, hey, we could all be cut. It's swell.

The "deadman walking" dread took over in my car this morning. Not fun. Plenty of kleenex.

In trying to psych myself up to suck it up and keep working for the next 2 weeks I drew upon some old high school memories.

I was on the track team. I was NOT in my element. But I stuck with it specifically because it WAS so far out of my comfort zone. I needed to finish the season, to be more than just a little bookworm.

My parents actually had a bet about whether I'd finish. I wasn't really supposed to know that, but it shows that they just didn't get it, didn't know how to be supportive when a kid wants to branch out.

So one race (I did the racewalk, which is something ridiculous like 6 or 8 times around; it's been 25 years and I don't remember!) I had someone far better than me actually lap me on her way to the final turn. It completely sucked. I heard her friends saying "(whoever) just lapped that girl." Laughing. I wanted to just walk OFF the track.

But I didn't quit, I found a tiny spark of SOMETHING to give myself that push that I needed to make it once more around.

I need to find that again, I need to somehow keep moving around this track until I know if I'm cut from the team.

On the bright side, I might have plenty of time to hit the track this summer.

So, dear readers, if you have any encouraging words, please feel free to yell in my direction. ;-)



Carly(via Blackberry)