He's out there somewhere, waiting

I was home alone most of the day, and at one point I opened up the front door. On the screen there was this giant motherfucker of a waspy sort of bug, three inches long or so plus a BIG stinger. No lie.

I tried to flick him off the screen and he seemed to look over one shoulder (wing?) and laugh at me.

I flicked multiple times, to no avail. I stood there wondering how to get this giant thing to go away and then knealt down and blew really hard at him through the screen. Annoyed now, he sort of fluttered down on to my porch step, but he shook his stinger around while he was moving, just to remind me who was actually in control here. He landed RIGHT below my front door. I could see him if I looked down & out through the screen.

SO now I had a dillemma. "Open the door and stomp him", the voice in my head was saying. "But what if I miss?" I asked the Other voice. "You won't miss. Just do it" the voice insisted. But Other was louder.

I sulked out to the garage and found a spray can of something that promised to kill flying bugs and wasps and whatnot. I snuck back to the front door and looked down to make sure he was still here. I opened the door far enough to blast him, then I went to the sink to wash my hands.

I grabbed my blackberry to take a picture, and when I got back to the door he was gone.

I'm screwed. He's out there waiting for me somewhere. He's probably mutated by now and is as big as my head. He'll carry me away and sting me eleventy billion times.