Dear Universe

...please quit grinding your spiked heel into my nose.



The highlight of my day yesterday was the half hour I spent with my boyfriend. I don't know what I do without him.

It's funny that I referred to Alton ONCE as my boyfriend and my kids can't forget it, but the 1,000 reminders to "make your bed and take a shower so you don't smell bad" go unheard.

If I had the time I'd doctor this pic to say "To Carly, much love, Alton"... but I don't. So just pretend I did.

How is it

... that you can be sound asleep, minding your own business at around 6 am on a day you don't actually have to get up for work or basketball or anything like that...

and an eyelash can fall into your eye and stab you fiercely? My eye was CLOSED, dammit.

So yes, that's how my day started. Clawing at my eye, which was not even able to water one bit. It's so dry in my house that I could scream. Isn't winter over yet? (I know - we have ONE real snow and I'm done with the whole thing already...)

grrr.

5 4 3 2 Run part 2

Today marks "15 weeks until the race" aka "where the heck did I leave that giant treadmill I spent so much darn money on, and why is it so cold out there in the garage in the first place?"

SO I am basically back to square one, since I have not run at all in the past 2 weeks. Oy. Please, motivate, inspire, or shame me, y'all. But be kind. I'm fragile, y'know. Delicate, like. (snicker)

5 4 3 2 Run

After, well, just about forever, I am almost up to 20,000 visitors in my own little corner of Midlife Crisis Central.

Nice to have y'all stop by. Hey, at least it's not Woollerton.

Now, if you're looking at my pretty little sitemeter off to the right, and feeling a tad confused, I should admit that I actually STARTED it at 503. Johnny Virgil, who has had about 90,000 visitors in the same time period, is laughing now. Right this very second!

So sometime this weekend, visitor number 20503 will stop by, and buddy, you'll win a prize. A great, fabulous, fantastic prize. Really.

Ain't going down

My son realized about an hour ago that he hadn't given me a valentine. So, I got a cute handmade one complete with a sketch of me. Sadly, I have no ears, nose, hands, nor feet.

I know... don't I look good? The running thing is really working out for me. I run until I feel like my feet are falling off.

Here's a sample of 9 year old poetry... or is this some sort of haiku?

M - Mold doesn't stop her

o - on top of everything

m - many times she's on the go

Eat that, Hallmark.



To be honest, I think he's trying to get on my good side because he overflowed the toilet today. OK, mold doesn't stop me, but "Mom, the water's not going down" will, every time.

SO, here's to you Garth, I don't think it's what you meant at ALL, but great song title.

Brrrrrrr

Baby, it's COLD outside!

You can't tell from this, but it's still snowing, getting heavier as the day goes on, and the wind is swirling everywhich-a-way.

Good times. I'm trapped in my house! I am reduced to cleaning out cabinets. Zzzz. Oh, and napping on the couch, watching my boyfriend Alton.

We were also listening to Christmas music. Why not? We didn't have a white Christmas.

Nothin but a hound dog

Watching the Westminster dog show...

I want a dog that everyone else in my family laughed at. But something about those bitty little legs running so fast strikes me as adorable.

The heck with them. And yes I know it's not a hound dog. Or wait, is it? I guess I don't know.

Speaking of dogs... holy crap.

WTF happened to Melissa - the bangs, the uh, robe? dress? ro-ess? Mess? It's something a Japanese anime figure would wear in porn. All she needs is the blue hair.

Good together (bucket and chicken)*

Snow is coming.

Lots and lots of snow.


This means only one thing: Carly, tucked safely away in her house.... eating everything in sight. Especially these:

Pistachios, cashews, and almonds. The can will be empty by noon tomorrow. Treadmill? what treadmill?

(*A funny song, by SheDaisy)

Free

Give me liberty, or give me ....a Cherokee?

Dammit.

I really WANT to drive a Jeep Liberty. I took one for a test drive this weekend. I want to be sporty and zippy and schuss around hairpin turns and have a cute little cargo area that doesn't have to be big enough for backpacks and a trumpet and 8 bags of groceries (which is what we get on choir/band day even though we just went on Saturday).

But the truth is unavoidable.

I am not a Jeep Liberty.

I will probably go with the sensible, "only a whiff of minivan" Grand Cherokee. (I'm not buying new, so the compass is not really a direction I can go in ... heh.) Everyone should have such problems, no?

I would sooner lie down in the street and let Dan run over me with a minivan, than buy one from him. He knows this. I considered buying a station wagon from his lot once, aloud, and he looked at me and said "what?!" with a baffled look. Then he lead me to my usual type of car, with sunroof, and I felt less nauseous almost instantly. I will get a Momma Jeep, but it will have a sunroof, dammit.


(the title is from a song, perhaps my favorite song ever, by faith hill, since I couldn't find "liberty" in my library)

Grammy and Grumpy

While I was making inapropriate remarks about Stevie Wonder, we made up an Awards Show Game. To keep it clean for the kids I told them it would be a bingo game, but we all know it's a drinking game, don't we?

Drink if:

• Someone wears a much-too-sheer ensemble, or ridiculous hair
• Someone praises MLAS Jesus ( aka the Center Square)
• Some old fossil is trotted out for a lifetime achievement award
• Someone makes a "dramatic" intro (ex: prince, "One Word. Beyonce." That's 3 words, ass.)
• A winner duels with the "get off the stage" orchestra music - they always lose. No one is listening to the names.
• A "once in a lifetime" duet is performed

PS -

1. JT totally stole that handheld camera idea from Blue Man Group.
2. Women should Not wear 12" long false eyelashes. I'm looking at you, Mary J.
3. Sting looked like he was enjoying himself but whatshisname on the other guitar looked waaaaaaaaay old. Blasphemy is my specialty.
4. Cover your tats before donning the nice dress - yeah, that' s you too, MJB.
5. I'm sorry, but Pink looked awesome, doublestick tape working overtime and all that. Kudos to her for keeping straight face when that dumbass next to her dropped his cue card.
6. Prince is a troll and Xtina is still orange. So, not much new this year.
7. Were the dixie chicks paying homage to Robert Palmer's old MTV videos, with those black dresses? I like Natalie's new, uh, real hair color.
8. John Mayer needs an effing haircut. He is so not getting anywhere near my wonderland, ever.

PSS - I heard a funny story about someone I know who not only took the walk of shame this morning, but did it carrying a great big (I mean REALLY giant) teddy bear. Priceless.

Snarly out!

Shameless

http://www.gawker.com/artists/dr-tf-chen.php

Something to look through if you're bored. Click through the names of the other artists on the lower portion of the page.

Don't miss Ratcliff, although Ramos amuses me. Anyway, Ratcliff does photos in High Dynamic Range or HDR. Read more here for a cool tutorial about these intense photos.

(Gawker is a trashy gossip website that "offers free exposure in its remnant ad space to artists at its discretion." So I gots me some dirt, and some culture. Win-win-win.)

Not some puppet on a string

Part of my PTA duties involve reviewing all of the junk mail.... uh, bulk distribution information.

Today I got a brochure about a puppet show (it's Character Building....). Depending on where you look in the brochure / web pages, the wife is either brunette or blonde, but she's consistently got a wonky eye like Paris Hilton that makes me nervous. The husband looks something like a beatnik dude. He apparently is a backup musician (He has contributed to "numerous albums and television shows"....* )

The puppets, even my kids agree, look like muppet knockoffs. There's one that's OBVIOUSLY Kermit the Frog after a long weekend at Woodstock. Except as a clever disguise he's wearing a pair of sunglasses (which confirms my suspicion that he's stoned) and an ugly sweater.

On the back is a bird who is obviously on acid - blue face, yellow hair. I mean really. There's a castle that's supposed to look like the one in Mr. Roger's Neighborhood Land of Make Believe. These people are looking at some serious copyright infringement lawsuits if they're not more careful.



But what do I know? My job situation could be classified as "in the toilet, and someone is reaching for a handle". Apparently I need to choose between Option A and some other vague door number 2. Neither option has been consistently explained. It's enough to make a girl head for the nearest casino, with her life savings of $24.00, and bet it all on black.



*There was more stuff there but I did a google on the full quote and of course it lead right to their page ..... I won't post a link to their web page, because this is what these people do for a living and I am just some wench with a blog and a somewhat murky career future. But it's just... so.... ugh. And no, I'm not talking about the Meat Puppets

Still Lost

Okay, so now we know how Sun got pregnant. But I see a new face in this season's promo pictures. Do you?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:LostS3Promo.jpg

to left of Locke, above Jin. Who's that guy and who's the chick to the right of Ben? Oh, I'm annoyed again. Where's Hurley? IS that him next to Sawyer? Do I have to hurt someone? Dammit.

I know

I know that you all are tired of me changing my header by now.

I'm just doing it because I can. I expect the novelty to wear off soon.

When the Stars Go Blue p2

I think I've used this title already. Anyway.

One of the highlights of my day was my daughter's face when I gave her this lobster pillow.

This giant amusement (it's seriously 2' long, mimics a 6 1/2 lb lobster...) comes courtesy of Amelia, who got it as a gag gift last Xmas. Thanks, she loved it and it will be a funny addition to the beach room.

It is definitely not fun to hear your kid say "mom, I failed another science test... but I studied so hard." To see the dejection and self doubt creep back in... sucks. Mightily. She is smart enough to know when she's not performing on the same level as her classmates-- no matter how I try to pretty it up by calling a consultant teacher a tutor. I tell her that I know she's trying to do her best and that I know there are some things that just come harder for her, but I still see her hurting.

I try to remind her that school grades are so focused on specific skills, that sometimes they're just not a true picture of someone's strengths. I mean, it's like going to a dance contest, and you're a fantastic ballerina, and they want you to tap dance. She's a great singer - at the age of 10 she was singing a solo at the school play (Impossible, from Cinderella). But "choir" doesn't get a grade on her report card. Science does.

At any rate, I am always happy when I can throw her a little surprise like this and watch her face light up. Next week, another meeting with the committee for special ed. Happy happy joy joy. I'm bringing reinforcements.

Work continues to be bizzarre. You know what? I work because I need the extra money. Not because I've always dreamed of being a fantastic programmer, the best geek ever. I don't even LIKE Star Trek. I'd be content to be content, i.e. being a reasonably average programmer. I don't like to "play the game" and do the politics and maneuver and try to outguess people. Just give me work to do, and I'll do it, but I want to leave at 2pm so that I can take care of my kids because you only pay me until then and I'm really not interested in working unpaid overtime. Thank you.

The other highlight of my day was when I said "wax on, wax off" to someone in an instant message and he said "Actually I prefer wax on, wax on, wax on, waxonwaxonwaxon wax off."

So it was that kind of day.

Oh Amelia

I would like to ask y'all welcome a friend of mine to the blogging world...

".... My NY resolution was to be less judgmental. It's not working. "

She's going to be perpetually celebrating Safety Week. Link is over there on the right.

* *

In work news, I had a space invader in my office today. You know... someone who scootches their chair RIGHT UP NEXT TO YOU. Sigh. It's bad that I sat way forward on the edge of my chair and used the back as a barrier, isn't it? And he is a loud talker. Very nice guy, but if he said "Sticky database" one more time I was going to start swallowing post it notes so I could shit one out.

* *

Still more work news - I literally got a pink slip last week. OK, it was a post it note, from my boss, but it was pink and it was on my monitor when I got in - "See me ASAP." That's never good. It's still playing out, but today in a meeting I felt like a square peg was being shoved up my....

* *

American Idol. Boring. I love NY. Lost interest. Speaking of which, I'm not sure I'll watch Lost. Oh, who am I kidding, I'll watch and it will piss me off. Ditto, Survivor. Maybe I can stick with Amazing Race now that there won't be football anymore to screw it up.

No song title. What? I'm cranky. It's cold.

You look good in my shirt

So, will someone buy me this?

No?

Okay. It was worth a shot.

(it is so a song title, Keith Urban sings it)

Missing You

I am a little bummed today. No, not a Bears fan.

A Prince fan.

As in, I played the album, yes, a black vinyl ALBUM, at least twice every day my entire sophomore year of college and even broke up with The One That Got Away* while it was playing. Sigh.

Did I watch him last night, during the superbowl halftime show? I only wanted to see him laughing in the Purple Rain.

Nope. My company was collecting their things and going. Damn, damn, damn. Timing is everything.


*And it's probably good that he did, but that's another story.

Song by Trace Adkins....I've weathered waterspouts and hurricanes, Hailstorms and driving rain, And missing you.

Wide open spaces

By the way, my windows wallpaper in the screenshot down below is from

http://www.nottoolost.com/wallpaper/wallpaper.html (specifically, Utah)

...stop by and admire the beautiful pictures.

And yes, I probably am the only person who is blogging right now... I am bored with the game. No, wait, JV is not watching the superbowl; I'm pretty sure.

Still haven't found what I'm looking for

Some website named searchplus exists, and someone found me with a query of Ooops. Classic.
Here's some other google fun that lead unsuspecting people my way. Can you tell I have insomnia?

• libby lu bathrobes (why, why? isn't it bad enough that the store exists?)
• compound machines (this is SO not me....)
• why did Dierks Bentley cut his hair (for a video, pay attention)
• how to dance Techno (Poly, that's just not funny)
• I'll take that as a yes ( a Phil Vassar song)
• scrapbook page made with a vanilla folder (uh, manilla? it's not acid free, so don't...)
• story books on I hate chocolate (yeah, this is me...)

Yes, I'm cheating, the title is not a country song. I'm tired. But I can't sleep.

Nothing on but the radio

Interesting...

Road Runner has radio now. It's very similar to Sirius online, FREE if you don't count paying for road runner, and has 52 stations, 12 music genres.

I admit, we waste, uh, spend money every month on road runner. We have digital cable, a DVR, highspeed online... I love it. The DVR alone makes me extremely happy - no juggling tapes and if I want my kids to go to bed I just record whatever it is they think they "have" to watch.

I justify this expense by not ever going out to the movies (the last movie I saw was, uh, Sin City? Which just about killed me but that's another story.)

So I definitely like the idea of a free online radio. It doesn't hurt my review any that the first thing I did was pick a country station, and I got Phil Vassar. Nice. The popup window is a little bit slicker than Sirius'. It shows album cover, etc.








(by the way, song title by Gary Allan, but I can't stand him, so you won't find it in my iPod, ever. )

If I fall you're going down with me

Weezer, aka Suzy, took my son out on his new snowboard because we Finally. Got. Snow. Honestly, our first significant snowfall so far this winter.

He was a little concerned that we were taking him to Fear Park - then we told him what it was REALLY called. F-r-e-a-r.

He did pretty well for his first time. His stance is a little strange - butt sticking out practically to Kansas. Bend the KNEES, kids. Not that I have the slightest idea how to snowboard, but I don't think it's supposed to look like that. At least he stayed on his feet enough to be able to say "yeah, I did it".

It was worth hanging around to watch Suzy go down on a sled, take a bump, and fly through the air just a little to splat on her face. Awesome.

(She came up laughing, I'm not a total jerk. And, song by Dixie Chicks.)

Almost

Thanks Sgt. Almost there. Sushi is defnitely on me next time you're ever up this way.

Dammit blogger

I am trying to work on my template, and I hate the widgets.


I made a quick graphic to see if I could put it at the top of my page, but I can't. Grr. This is a photo Suzy took at work.

WTF, blogger?

Oh Sandy baby, why eye eye

Ok. I admit I went to see Grease in the 9th grade and loved it, but John Travolta had nowhere NEAR as many miles on him then. No way, no how.

I have angered the karmic gods today, because my daughter is blasting the Grease soundtrack via a cheap little iPod speaker I picked up for 19.99 just before Christmas.

Why, oh why? Yeesh.

Every time I hear your name

A person from another part of my company sent me an email today. Instead of just signing his name, he had the following pertinent (and not-so-much so, as far as I'm concerned) information in his automatic signature

• interoffice mail code
• street address (reminder, this is in AN EMAIL)
• office phone
• fax
• pager number
• cellphone

OK, so I could definitely get in touch with him, if I wanted to.

That was just the start. Then he had a cartoon. Yes, a cartoon, of Boris and Natasha. His name had his nickname - Mig - included, with a shiny asterisk. The asterisk lead to information that his nickname was derived from his given name, which is spanish, because his father was spanish, and the fact that his mother is Russian.

WHO THE HELL CARES????

This crap all made his email over 64 K, for a single sentence. Duuuude.

Oh, wait - he also listed 3 certifications that I'm sure he worked hard for, but I really don't give a damn about.

* * *

I am SO tired. Did NOT sleep well last night, stayed up late messing with my new blogger template. Duh! Today I jogged 14 minutes, in my cold garage. Ugh.

Song by Keith Anderson... XXL Keith Anderson, who can take me pickin' wildflowers any time he wants.

Domestic, Light and Cold

Tonight at the hospital Amelia regaled me with stories of her previous job... she worked at a daycare provider, and one of her coworkers decided to sing "Itsy Bitchy Spider" with the kids.

I should add that yes, we did get ice cream after we finished our volunteer shift. This is becoming a habit. Ooops.... but I found the fact that she picked a giant shard of chocolate out of her ice cream with her fingers to be mildy endearing.

Because, you see, it means she is someone I can be good friends with, given that I tend to use 35 napkins to eat lunch and STILL end up with something stuck between my teeth.

Holy crap, it's not fun to switch to the new blogger un-beta. Especially when your arm is twisted.

By the way, I *AM* doing the Friehofer's 5k this June. Gulp. An old friend of mine runs it every year. So I plan to run, walk, or crawl across the finish line if she will put up with me saying "Wait... wait..." for 45 minutes. Buckle up, kiddies. (And John, it's a women's race... but thanks again!!)



(Song by Dierks)

Return to Sender

It's Random Junk Mail Day, kids! (It's also bubble wrap appreciation day, but I don't have time for that QUITE yet.)

Today I got a flyer from www.jetboatingmontreal.com - yes, jetboats, as in, ride the rapids, etc.

Funny thing is that I got this as part of my PTA duties. Yes, I shall just bring a bunch of elementary school kids to Montreal for the express purpose of sending them on this "embarquement".

Because hey, my tour includes booties and a life jacket. Who doesn't need those?


(Does Elvis count as country music?? Ok, whatever. I have to go explain the entire DVD of "Grease" to my daughter. Why are they called Greasers? This is going to be a long afternoon. )

Then I Wake Up

Now that Suzy doesn't work nights anymore, we get to see her more. Yaaaay! Last night we had dinner at her place and watched Pirates 2.

It was all great except for one rather jarring moment. My 9 year old is just learning about s-to the e-x. He put it together in his head that a couple we're related to, J and L (who are expecting a baby), had it. He asked Suzy if it's hard to talk to the parents of her NICU patients knowing they had it. She more or less laughed it off, until he brought up "... grandma and grandpa have it."

Yeah, thanks kid, I really want that springing to mind while I drift off tonight. Gaaaah!!




Today's song title by Trace Adkins (... I heart you, Trace. Even though if you weren't famous I'd be afraid of you if I saw you late at night at an ATM, because you're 6'6" and you've got that ponytail biker look... yeah, you scare me. But you pick great songs....like Chrome.)

Hole in My Head

When I was young, my great grandmother had what I thought was a nice doll. It was about three feet tall with "real" hair (well, you could comb the hair) and it would stand in the corner of Grandma T's living room.

In time, it ended up at our house. I was a little older and not really into dolls anymore, and it ended up in Suzy's room.

There was only one problem: the way the doll was made (so that the arms and legs could move) involved long strands of elastic inside, and eventually the elastic dried out and started to break.

My mother hates clutter and so of course, my father is the exact opposite. I'm sure at least once she wanted to throw the doll away, and he wouldn't hear of it. So, being decidedlyUN-sentimental, one day she simply cut the remaining elastic, which made the arms, legs, and head separate from the torso. She put it all in a big green garbage bag with the intent of fixing it someday, tied the bag shut, and shoved it in Suzy's closet.

What we didn't know was that this COMPLETELY freaked out Suzy. (A 6 or 7 year old child watches their mother dismember a doll that's approximately the same size as said child, and put the pieces in a bag-- can you blame her?)

She was SURE that doll was coming out of the closet to get her. Positive. She had a little set of white bookshelves and every night she would draaaaaag them over to barricade the door. In the morning she would draaaaag the shelves back over to where they belonged. None of us knew.

When she told me this story the other night I laughed and laughed because we had a black cat, which roamed through our house at night, and more than once the cat got a running start and jumped on Suzy's bed during the night, scaring the crap out of her.

Isn't it funny how you can totally mess with your kids, without even knowing it?



(Hole In My Head, by the Dixie Chicks - It must have knocked me crazy, It must have hit me hard, People must think I'm lazy, Like my shuffle's short Of a playing card)

Coookies?

In 18 weeks there is a 5 K race that I could potentially run in.

(http://freihofersrun.com/pdf/06CourseMap.pdf)

I dunno.

Freihofer's makes great cookies but they're not what they used to be, and neither is this cookie. Also I consume faaaaaar too many cookies.

I decided to not decide today, but to think it over until April first and see if I get 100 miles logged on my treadmill by then.

Stay tuned.

For Johnny

This one's for Johnny V

Freaky

I want one of THESE. Heh heh.

The military's new weapon is a ray gun that shoots a beam that makes people feel as if they will catch fire. The technology is supposed to be harmless -- a non-lethal way to get enemies to drop their weapons.

"Clean up your room!" (zzzzt)

Wrong Things

Thing 1 -
Dierks Bentley cut his hair for (in) a video. Here's a little taste:

I get it, I love the song, I understandy why he did it, but I like his curls.

Thing 2 - the talking cactus in the salsa ad

Thing 3- Doctor 90210 and the beautiful girls who he aids/allows to maim themselves by implanting plastic bags of saline... grotesque... ugh.

Thing 4 - me, always being late. Bye!

This Ain't No Thinkin' Thing

OK, JV, even though your blog cavorts with nasty little ho blogs, my blog still considers yours a friend.

As such, we have a little gift for you. Even though my blog is not as "cool" as all of those other shiny, hilarious blogs with sitemeters that just count up and up and up, I hope you will enjoy it and remember us fondly. It will be on your desk when you get back to our cold, snowy office from That Warm Place I Never Get to Go (bastard).



Now, yours is the one on the right... don't go getting any ideas. After all, I know you are a huge fan of football AND the King of deepfried goodness... so what better gift than a Superbowl "commemorative" BK bobblehead????

You can thank me later.

Nothing

All I've got for you is that there is a new Yankee Candle fragrance, Spring Bouquet. It smells something like the (discontinued) tulip scent I loved.

If you love The Office, go watch the producer's cut (here ). There are extra bits we didn't see the other night (ex: a running gag about Michael and the snow). I didn't know Andy will be gone for 10 weeks* - did my DVR just consume that last bit of the show, or was it edited out for the actual aired version?

And, well, I bought new pots today. How sad that I get excited about spending $100 on... pots... pans... zzzzz. But with my new stove (flat top) my old crappy pots and pans were not good - because they were no longer flat on the bottom, and so they just didn't heat up well. So yes, I went for the red and got it for half the price on the web, and I am going to make 8 quarts of something my new boyfriend recommends. Soon.

This is exciting stuff, huh? Hey, it's the dead of winter. It's actually WEATHER THAT FEELS LIKE WINTER here now. What do you want from me???


* At management training... ANGER management training.... LOL.

cigarettes

It's catalog time again, kiddies!! Today our catalog items are from Betty's Attic:

First, the best one - JV's Donkey

Really, what could be more perfect? If you are going to smoke, you should extract each cigarette from a donkey's ass first.

Next, because I can't play favorites, Vintage Ken aka Shop Dungarees



Me thinks there is something foul in the back of those red shorts. Just look at his face.

Just because, I'll toss in a few Star Wars PEZ items - because, who doesn't need a few, really? They're tasty.

There were plenty of Elvis items, so of course I have to keep this catalog away from my daughter.

PS: today's song is by the wreckers... for the title alone... but the entire cd is pretty damn good

I'll know when I get there

On my honeymoon, we drove to Toronto. Someone who worked in our corporate travel dept had to ld us about a new mariott, so we booked a room there.

Small problem. The hotel was in the middle of chinatown, too far away from the baseball stadium and other things to be able to walk easily to and from the hotel. Plus, my 6'3" spouse didn't FIT in a chinese hotel, in a variety of ways mental AND physical.

On the second day without hesitation I took out the phone book, turned to the hotel section, and picked out the biggest ad. I called and told them my story, and they found a room for me that was pretty nice. Not a suite or anything, but I didn't need that. We had a view of the water, and we were RIGHT down by everything.

Now, almost 20 years later, I wish things were still so easy to change. I'm faced with an ongoing problem and I don't seem to be able to pull the phonebook out, much less turn the pages.

Wide Open Spaces

This lawsuit makes me so angry. The parents blame myspace? Hello?? Pay attention to what your children do online. Pay attention to where they are going and with whom. Teach your children not to do stupid things. I'm so very sorry that these girls had horrible things happen to them - I really, really am sorry. But their parents failed at the most basic of tasks - protect your children from danger and teach them how to protect themselves. Teach them to be smart and not put their name, picture, and address all over the internet.

I could do my Holloway rant here, but I won't. Let's just leave it at this summary: my kids heard exactly what I think happened to her, and all of the mistakes I think she made (got "too" drunk, didn't stay with friends, and why does an 18 year old need to be out drinking in a foreign country anyway?)

When the sun goes down

So I went to this website and bought this sushi pillow



for my daughter because she loved it (Shamus' girlfriend Rachel Ray featured it this month.)

Won't it look hilarious in her beach room? My kid's that is, not Rachel's.

(There pictures of the murals my sister and I did here , here , and um... well if you want to see all at once you can just click here and scroll down a little to April 22 - 24th )


PS: Today's song by Kenny Chesney.... that little troll. Someone tell his ex wife not to wear such dark lipstick, ok?

Who's Cheatin' Who

I am NOT happy about the lack of Golden-globe-age for The Office.

Hmmph. Ugly Betty, my ass.


By the way, I can do that eyebrow thing Angela's doing in the photo above. Oh yes, I can.

(song title by Alan Jackson, G.Hits Vol 2)

Hope for me yet

Today was a bank holiday. Ahhhh.

Whenever I have time off I have a nice breakfast (home made banana bread and earl grey tea today) and then make an impossibly long to-do list. Every project that has ever passed through my mind gets put on this list. I typically do well until about mid afternoon when my carefully planned agenda begins to crumble in the face of reality.

Today I tempered myself a little bit. Recognizing that I had literally listed about 50 things to do and that this was NOT possible, I decided to get the basics done (clean kitchen, wash clothing, work out...) and then try to hit some of the projects I have in mind. Because, really, they involve spring cleaning, more or less, and the ice on my patio clearly indicates that it's NOT spring. Yet.

So I was only a little bit discouraged this afternoon when as usual, I didn't get much done beyond the routine stuff. I managed to be slightly proud of myself that the routine now includes "run 8 minutes on treadmill and walk 35" instead of "eat at least one bite of 8 various items found in refridgerator and drink 35 sips of Coke".

Then I looked into my daughter's closet and found a heap of things 3' high. Said child was watching tv. Sigh. The internal monologue of "I try and try and these kids are such slobs and they're addicted to tv just like their father* and I can't get any help around here" started to kick in but I somehow rebooted and thought "well, I'll tackle this over the weekend with her. ... not today."

I told them to TURN OFF THE MAGIC BOX AND DO SOMETHING ELSE, but I left the "something else" wide open.

Not 1o minutes ago I wandered by her room and glanced in and the heap is spread out on her floor. Left to her own devices, she actually decided to clean out her closet and try on what was in the heap, to see what's too small. I did a happy little cartwheel out in the hallway. (OK, you know that part's a lie, or I would have managed to put a serious hole in some sheetrock.) And yet.

Somewhere, somehow, my "clean space ___x___ out and get rid of the junk" mentality rubbed off. Yaaay! One less packrat in my house.


*unlike their mother, who is obviously addicted to that thing Al Gore invented... now what was it called again?

(song, there might be, hope for me yet... Dierks Bentley, who looks scary now that he cut off his curls... )

Tunes

I started to make a CD for someone who I was discussing country music with via IM this week. It came out to 96 songs which was a problem.

Take a playlist from your iPod and give me the name, artist, & album*

This is some country stuff I'm very partial to. (Give me something NOT country, I need to branch out...) The bold are songs I am hooked on today. TODAY being the key word, of course.

Name -- Artist -- Album

I'll Go on Loving You -- Alan Jackson -- Greatest Hits, Vol. 2
Where Were You (When the World Stopped Turning) -- Alan Jackson -- Greatest Hits, Vol. 2
Remember When -- Alan Jackson -- Greatest Hits, Vol. 2
She Thinks She Needs Me -- Andy Griggs -- This I Gotta See
Careful Where You Kiss Me -- Andy Griggs -- This I Gotta See
Be Still -- Andy Griggs -- This I Gotta See
Why Do I Still Want You -- Andy Griggs -- This I Gotta SeeYou
Can't Take the Honky Tonk Out of the Girl -- Brooks & Dunn -- The Greatest Hits Collection II
Don't Forget to Remember Me -- Carrie Underwood -- Some Hearts
Some Hearts -- Carrie Underwood -- Some Hearts
Long Trip Alone -- Dierks Bentley -- Long Trip Alone
Hope for Me Yet -- Dierks Bentley -- Long Trip Alone
The Heaven I'm Headed To -- Dierks Bentley -- Long Trip Alone
Prodigal Son's Prayer -- Dierks Bentley -- Long Trip Alone
Come A Little Closer -- Dierks Bentley -- Modern Day Drifter
So So Long -- Dierks Bentley -- Modern Day Drifter
Modern Day Drifter -- Dierks Bentley -- Modern Day Drifter
I Believe in Love -- Dixie Chicks -- America: A Tribute to Heroes (2 of 2)
Cowboy Take Me Away -- Dixie Chicks -- Fly
Without You -- Dixie Chicks -- Fly
Let Him Fly -- Dixie Chicks -- Fly
If I Should Fall Behind -- Faith Hill -- Breathe
Free -- Faith Hill -- Cry
Cry -- Faith Hill -- Cry
Beautiful -- Faith Hill -- Cry
It Just Comes Natural -- George Strait -- It Just Comes Natural
Bring on the Rain -- Jo Dee Messina/Tim McGraw -- Burn
Wrap Around -- Keith Anderson -- Three Chord Country and American Rock & Roll
XXL -- Keith Anderson -- Three Chord Country and American Rock & Roll
Pickin' Wildflowers -- Keith Anderson -- Three Chord Country and American Rock & Roll
Every Time I Hear Your Name -- Keith Anderson -- Three Chord Country and American Rock & Roll
I'll Know When I Get There -- Keith Anderson -- Three Chord Country and American Rock & Roll
These Are the Days -- Keith Urban -- Be Here
Jeans On -- Keith Urban -- Golden Road
You Look Good in My Shirt -- Keith Urban -- Golden Road
Raining on Sunday -- Keith Urban -- Golden Road
Red High Heels -- Kellie Pickler -- Red High Heels - Single
Anything But Mine -- Kenny Chesney -- When the Sun Goes Down
Being Drunk's a Lot Like Loving You -- Kenny Chesney -- When the Sun Goes Down
Something's Gotta Give -- LeAnn Rimes -- This Woman
Some People -- LeAnn Rimes -- This Woman
Bring It On Home -- Little Big Town -- The Road to Here
What About Now -- Lonestar -- Lonely Grill
Jacob's Ladder -- Mark Wills -- Greatest Hits
Kerosene -- Miranda Lambert -- Kerosene
New Strings -- Miranda Lambert -- Kerosene
I Wanna Die -- Miranda Lambert -- Kerosene
Love Your Memory -- Miranda Lambert -- Kerosene
Good Ole Days -- Phil Vassar -- Shaken Not Stirred
I'll Take That as a Yes (The Hot Tub Song) -- Phil Vassar -- Shaken Not Stirred
Erase -- Phil Vassar -- Shaken Not Stirred
Amazing Grace -- Phil Vassar -- Shaken Not Stirred
Black and Whites -- Phil Vassar -- Shaken Not Stirred
Lipstick -- Rockie Lynne -- Lipstick - Single
Born to Fly -- Sara Evans -- Born to Fly
I'm Jealous -- Shania Twain -- Up!
Passenger Seat -- SHeDAISY -- Sweet Right Here
360 Of You -- SHeDAISY -- Sweet Right Here
Come Home Soon -- SHeDAISY -- Sweet Right Here
Want To -- Sugarland -- Want To - Single
Tim McGraw -- Taylor Swift -- Taylor Swift
Open Season on My Heart -- Tim McGraw -- Live Like You Were Dying
The Cowboy In Me -- Tim McGraw -- Set This Circus Down
Telluride -- Tim McGraw -- Set This Circus Down
Unbroken -- Tim McGraw -- Set This Circus Down
Set This Circus Down -- Tim McGraw -- Set This Circus Down
Angry All The Time -- Tim McGraw -- Set This Circus Down
Let Me Love You -- Tim McGraw -- Set This Circus Down
Grown Men Don't Cry -- Tim McGraw -- Set This Circus Down
When the Stars Go Blue -- Tim McGraw -- Tim McGraw: Greatest Hits, Vol. 2
She's My Kind of Rain -- Tim McGraw -- Tim McGraw: Greatest Hits, Vol. 2
Over and Over (with Nelly) -- Tim McGraw & Nelly -- Tim McGraw: Greatest Hits, Vol. 2
Crash Here Tonight -- Toby Keith -- Crash Here Tonight - Single
How Do You Like Me Now? -- Toby Keith -- Toby Keith Greatest Hits 2
You Shouldn't Kiss Me Like This -- Toby Keith -- Toby Keith Greatest Hits 2
I'm Just Talkin' About Tonight -- Toby Keith -- Toby Keith Greatest Hits 2
I Wanna Talk About Me -- Toby Keith -- Toby Keith Greatest Hits 2
Who's Your Daddy? -- Toby Keith -- Toby Keith Greatest Hits 2
Mockingbird -- Toby Keith -- Toby Keith Greatest Hits 2
Should've Been A Cowboy (Live) -- Toby Keith -- Toby Keith Greatest Hits 2
I'd Sure Hate to Breakdown Here -- Trace Adkins -- Comin' on Strong
Missing You -- Trace Adkins -- Comin' on Strong
One of Those Nights -- Trace Adkins -- Comin' on Strong
Rough & Ready -- Trace Adkins -- Comin' on Strong
(This Ain't) No Thinkin' Thing -- Trace Adkins -- Greatest Hits Collection, Vol. 1
Chrome -- Trace Adkins -- Greatest Hits Collection, Vol. 1
Every Light in the House -- Trace Adkins -- Greatest Hits Collection, Vol. 1
Leave The Pieces -- The Wreckers -- Stand Still, Look Pretty
My, Oh My -- The Wreckers -- Stand Still, Look Pretty
Stand Still, Look Pretty -- The Wreckers -- Stand Still, Look Pretty
Lay Me Down -- The Wreckers -- Stand Still, Look Pretty
One More Girl -- The Wreckers -- Stand Still, Look Pretty

*(you can actually export the data from a playlist to a notepad document.... so no, I didn't type all of this in)

Before he cheats

Well this won't be as good as the stories the Food Whore tells about her catering escapades, but here is something that happened to me yesterday.

We were celebrating my nephew's 12th birthday on Saturday and I had offered to make the cake.

He asked for chocolate with white icing. Done. (I got a little lazy and just used those crappy sugar decorations from the supermarket... canned frosting too.. picture to follow, but it's not anything like my best cakes, which I will also write about sometime soon.)

Since I don't like chocolate anything, I decided I would also made a carrot cake in a small rectangular pan, and a bunch of mini cupcakes.

I should have seen trouble coming when the cupcakes stuck like crazy to the nonstick pan. Grrr. I threw what was left of the cupcakes in a container and left them home. I took the small cake with me... so basically a half of a box mix. )

Cut to the party - HBTY was sung. Birthday boy had two candles, shaped like a "1" and a "2". He leaned forward, blew in the general direction, and missed both. Take two - lean forward, blew out one candle, and then - unmistakably - SPIT at the other one to put it out.

The sudden chorus of "I'd like carrot cake" was deafening.





(today's song... Carrie Underwood... I'm not crazy about the message, psychotic rage and vandalism and all that... but whatever)

If I should fall behind

Tonight when I got to choir I found that I was the only Alto!!

Every piece was gospel -- yes we are a whitey-white catholic choir, but Stanley likes that stuff and I have to admit, I really do too-- and the alto parts tend to be pretty high in the pieces he chooses.

Good times. Except, I can't count at all when I'm learning a new piece. Words AND pitch AND beats? No. So, not keeping good time.

I was a few notes behind every here and there, but it's early in the season (we started Easter music tonight).

At one point the guys were working on a passage and so I drew myself a friend to keep me company in the last row of folding chairs. It's a very bad crayon portrait that no seven year old would claim. Maybe I'll bring it to work and pretend my kid did it, just to see if people will actually mock it to my face

;-)



(Should we lose each other ... In the shadow of the evening dreams ... Oh, I'll wait for you ... If I should fall behind, wait for me -- written by B. Springsteen but covered by Faith Hill)

Passenger Seat

Lately I've noticed something disconcerting when I'm driving around, listening to my Sirius radio.

I'll be listening to Elvis or something (don't laugh, there is actually an Elvis channel, that I *COULD* be listening to if I wanted to, and my daughter does think he's her daddy and all... ) and suddenly I hear the unmistakable voice of Howard Stern.

If you don't have Sirius... when you have a portable radio it can take in the sattelite signal you've tuned in, and transmit back OUT on an FM frequency, so that you can listen to your receiver over your car stereo's speakers. Problem, everyone uses the same few "empty" FM frequencies on the dial. And someone driving by me with a stronger radio can stomp all over MY radio's signal.

Now, I get it that Howard could buy and sell me 83 million times over, but I still don't want to listen to him in my car. Shut up, Howard!!

It is kind of fun to look around and try to guess who is listening to Howard. The disconcerting part? Wondering who "notices" me listening to Tiffany Granath's talk show on the way home from work. Do I stomp too?


(I'm all shook up like a quarter in a can...Ain't life sweet, in the passenger seat....today's song brought to you by SheDaisy)

Ready to Run

(I'm working on walking 100 miles by April Fool's day...a little running but mostly walking)

Today I am happy to say that after some e-motivation (thanks!) I got on the treadmill and covered a distance of 2.5 miles in 55 minutes... I actually broke into a jog for 6 minutes in the middle there, while no one was looking*. Yeah, I know. Six minutes. Sports Illustrated wants me on their next cover. :::::falls down laughing::::

(*Actually, to say that no one was looking would not be exactly right. My son opened the door while I was singing along with Pink and got QUITE a good laugh. He responded with his best Blue Man Group moves. At least I'm entertaining MY troops.)

Oh, and today's song/post title.... Dixie Chicks. Ready ready ready to run....all I wanna do is have some fun... what's all this talk about love?

You'll always be my baby

I overheard my son praying today. What may you ask, did the wee cherub pray for, after I've had him in Catholic schools for nigh on 5 years now? (between him and his sister, I figure a rough cost equivalent of a pretty darn nice Jeep, maybe even a Compass)

Did he ask for world peace? an end to hunger and suffering?


"In the name of the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirt.
May we please have snow? I really want to try my new snowboard.
In the name of the Father, Son, Holy Spirit, Amen."


At least he was polite.

Pink... or Blue

One of my offspring noticed "U + Ur Hand" in my iTunes list of recently purchased songs, because it's got the little "explicit" marker in red near the title.

Said offspring asked what the title meant. I Answer Questions.

No really, I always do*... it's fun to answer shit like that because the kid is horrified, then laughs hysterically at the thought that Some Boys Do That.


*no, no, no, I am not repeating the explanation here. I don't need THOSE google hits. And I left the "actually, some girls..." for another day. Gotta make the good times last, so to speak.

Suspcious Minds

So last month my daughter decided that because I'm so crazy, she's adopted. Smartass kid.

I told her the next day that she was being raised by wolves before I took her in. She's funny, she can take a joke like that. Sure enough, she said "No, elves."

At least I thought that's what she said, since it was right around Christmas time and my 9 year old still believes in Santa(Yeah, i know...).

She actually said "No, Elvis."

That's right. Apparently at some point I got it on with the King - he's still alive and all. (Damn I wish I remembered that.... well, considering he'd be 72 or something now, maybe the reason I repressed it was that I was with a 60 year old man and I was ....30. Hmmm. )

Anyway, to make sure she understood the full ramifications of her claim, I dowloaded a few songs from iTunes for her. You know, like " A little less conversation" and "Heartbreak Hotel". Both songs, I might add, make a b-o-r-i-n-g mile on the treadmill go by a bit quicker.

Step by Step

(hahah. Ollllld country song. Eddie Rabbit? Definitely not on my iPod. )

Five miles down this weekend. Walked. Whatever. Only (sigh) 95 to go, before April Fool's day.

Work today was... well... too much WORK! Ugh.

My new stove is fabulous. Even if Suzy is making fun of me -- I left the oven light on because it's got a "hearthstone window" and I thought it was pretty... I bought it because I could carry it.

(Only Sue and Becki will get that last sentence. It goes back years ago, to my mother buying a hammock that would certainly make Johnny V snicker... kind of small, a lightweight frame, definitely not meant to be hung between two tall oak trees... anyway we sort of said, uh, Mom, what were you thinking? Her defense was "I bought it because I could carry it." )

Indeed.

Tonight's Trash TV selection: I Love New York. Because any train wreck involving Flavor Flav's rejected goods is going to be SO bad, it just HAS to be good. Do YOU have love for NY? 9pm on VH1, bitches. You just know the guy with the clock will show up and snicker.

Bring it on Home

Amazon thinks I'm fat.

No, really. I got this in my mailbox this morning.

Dear Amazon.com Customer,
We've noticed that customers who have expressed interest in The Volumetrics Eating Plan: Techniques and Recipes for Feeling Full on Fewer Calories by Barbara Rolls have also ordered The Supermarket Diet by Janis Jibrin. For this reason, you might like to know that Janis Jibrin's The Supermarket Diet is now available.

Eff you, Amazon. The SUPERMARKET DIET? Please.

5 4 3 2 Run

(~Dixie Chicks)

It seems Beth has a friend who is doing this challenge, of sorts... to run 100 miles by April Fool's day. I haven't been quite as good lately with my treadmill as I promised I would be. But so help me, I am going to do this. Well... I will at least WALK 100 miles on the gosh darned thing* by AFD. Some of the miles I might actually break into a shuffle. Or, well, you know, a mild jog. If I'm feeling lucky, and it's not too cold in my garage.


*Alton Brown is awesome. ("Americans adore fried foods and yet we're willing to entrust the process to tenth graders wearing polyester smocks and funny hats... strange.")

My new stove is here! My new stove is here! Gotta go.

when the sun goes down

... we'll be groovin'

haha

The Office was kinda funny tonight. Best part - I said "what's that thing on Michael's head?" and my daughter, who is Already Smarter Than Me, pointed out that it was beads... you know... when women go on vacation and they get braids, with beads on the end.... only his hair is so short, I couldn't see it at first...

tired, tired, tired of the Jim/Pam thing. More Andy!! More Andy!!!

good ole days

Today at 1:30 pm Suzy called me at work, laughing but sounding half asleep.

Since she should have been 100% asleep, something was not right.

"Two more nights... I only have to work two more nights before I switch to days...."

(Me: yeah?)

"...and they're using a LEAF BLOWER right outside my apartment, and it woke me up and now I can't sleep."

Apparently since snowblowers are not an option (wtf is going on with our weather? 50 degrees here in January??) the maintenance crew had to improvise.


(Phil Vassar for the title today, but some of you knew that...pop a top, baby...)

Somedays you gotta dance

In the interest of breaking my crappy mood, I took the afternoon off.

I bought myself a new Alton Brown cookbook. (I am alternately amused and frightenened by my attraction to him -- I enjoy the combination of smart + funny + good cook, but I have trouble with the way the other guy yells on Iron chef -- the chairman??)

I am now back in my most comfortable VS flannel pajamas, about to have a late lunch of lobster bisque (withe extra lobster meat I bought, to add to the soup) and crescent rolls, and probably a Coke.

Oh, and did I mention - the most important thing? I am blissfully alone in my house.

No one will bother me until (:::checks watch::::) about 3:15. Then I will resume my appointed duties. Until then I'll be having a somewhat one-sided discourse with Alton.

Eff you, '07.

Do you want fries with that?

So far 2007 is not zinging for me. I would have to alphabetize the people who annoyed me at work today. Get in line, take a number.

Also I watched Pirates of the Carribean 2 last night and apparently I'm the only person in the world who DIDN"T know that 2 ends abruptly in mid-plot because they filmed 3 at the same time. Eff you Johnny (Depp).

Today I went to a place that WAS rapidly becoming a favorite spot for lunch. I tried ordering 3 different things and "we are out of that" was the answer every time. I finally literally turned to the person next to me and said "what are you having?"

New Strings

I've got this old guitar and a brand new set of strings - M. Lambert

Well, happy effing new year. I'm cranky. No, not hung over, as I only had 1.5 glasses of wine. My
head is all stuffed up, my back and neck are killing me... bleah.

Bowling? First game - 99. Yeah. Mildly fun. Second game mercifully incomplete (and right after I figured out how to change my frames to strikes in the computer too.... darn it) I credit my "good" score to the lane bumpers we had "for the kids" (no kids were actually on our lane, but if I act childish on a daily basis, does that count?) Sorry Marco - I guess I need those lessons.

I tried to restring a guitar I got for $10 when I was 15. Baaaad idea. Sproinnnnnng is not a sound you want to hear TWICE during such a process. As I clearly have no idea WHAT I'm doing ( won't even say "what I'm doing wrong", just "what I'm doing" on that one) I will need to walk into a music shop and confess my brilliance on this one. Yay!

Off to do... um, four or five loads of laundry and some scrapbooking? Hey it can only get better from here, right?

Hey Sgt

This was what I brought to my neighbor's - salmon and baby corn on the left, veggie in the middle, shrimp and cucumber on the right. It probably cost me about $20 to make six rolls - plus an hour or two of time. Typically these are best eaten the day they're made (the rice gets a funny texture the next day.) Don't forget the duck sauce and soy sauce!

Two years?

I've wasted two years blogging??? Not time wasted, just time entertaining (mostly myself, from my sitemeter stats.... Steff wrote a great piece about how "I write for myself" and I can't find it now.)

I'll give you some of my favorite quotes while I ramble on a bit here...

When you meet someone special you'll just know. A real relationship can't be forced.

It just comes about effort-lent-less-ly. (Michael Scott)

I started blogging because someone (name concealed to protect the guilty party) sent me a link to Waiter Rant, and said "You'd like this" and b o y were you right!! Plus it was a slow day at work, and well.... you know.

I guess if you don't jump you'll never know if you can fly. (Miranda Lambert)

So tonight I am making sushi rolls and I will hang out at my neighbor's retirement party (except I think we're not supposed to know that's what it is....)

I am going to use smoked salmon and baby corn for one or two rolls, and some others will have (cooked) shrimp and some cucumber, and then I will do a third one with baby carrotts and the other two veggies. Yummy. The rice is cooling now.

Speaking of parties... are you going to make resolutions? I'm not. I break them. I do think about goals this time of year. Like learning to play the piano with TWO hands. And I have to figure out what my next adventure will be, now that I checked off "parasailing". (No JV, I am not going to skydive.)

I believe that we form our own lives, that we create our own reality, and that everything works out for the best. I know I drive some people crazy with what seems to be ridiculous optimism, but it has always worked for me. -- Jim Henson.

Have a great 2007.

I just want a stove

Among the many things I apparently have to consider when purchasing a new stove (thank you, Santa, for bringing me a benefits check giving me back about 1/2 of what I've put out for braces this year!!!) is...

certified sabbath mode.


As Tim the Toolman Taylor would say, "Uuuhhhghhh?"


for me it's just a feature I'll never give another thought to, kind like that top row of buttons on my microwave. I think too many consumer products are loaded with "extra features" that go unused because people forget/don't know the feature exists or can't recall how it works.

But back to the topic at hand, isn't a mode that lets you still use the oven on the sabbath kind of like a little white lie? I mean no disrespect. But if you wish to adhere to certain customs, you can't bake your cake and eat it too. Or can you?

I hope I never looked like this

I am on a mission to clean out my grandmother's hutch, which sits in a corner of my kitchen. It has been stuffed full of cake decorating magazines and random cookbooks forever and I am going through and throwing away anything I don't want. This includes tearing out the 3 recipes I might try in any given cooking magazine.

As proof of my packrat shame I found a Womens Day Low Fat Meals magazine. The cover said "display until September 1, 1994". Yeesh.

(Funny, I was expecting then and I don't think I wanted to even LOOK at a cookbook then. I was sick my whole first trimester and lost 10 lbs, and then ballooned up at the end to have a 9lb 3 oz baby)

Anyway, the recipes in it were crap - nothing I want to try (salads with a "satisfying portion of cheese... hellooooo!)

However it did contain this little gem:




Kinda looks like the Cheesecake Hor who I realized is NOT on my links, sorrrry, and has some type of pan cookie feud going on. No?? Well, maybe not but that's one hot little workout outfit, huh? Grooooovy.

PS: if you want a Vitamix 5000, go make that wish come true.

It's Beginning

...to look TOO MUCH like Christmas around my house.

My husband does the decorating, with the kids. Every year, this year in particular, I have said things like "do we really need TWO big trees?" and every year they look at me like I just ran over Rudolph with my SUV.

I have attempted to capture some of the mirth and madness in a modest Flickr show. I don't know if I've done it right, but... here:

http://www.flickr.com/gp/93483329@N00/938qmS

Let me give you some of the highlights:

• Five trees- (in a really small house) ... I like the front one, with the Beleek Irish china ornaments, red balls, candy canes, etc. Plus under that we have the lighted houses from Rockwell's painting of Stockbridge - I would be happy with this one tree. But no, my son has one next to his nativity set and his Yankee lamp, on his dresser. My daughter has TWO... (this is where I start to feel like Seuss... one tree, two tree, Red Tree, Blue.... the blue one pays homage to her wall mural of the beach, and the palm trees) The last tree is the one in the family room, with all of the Hallmark/home made type ornaments. It requires rearrangment of too much furniture AND the deconstruction of the scrapbook corner I've carved out. This pains me, greatly. It too has a lighted village underneath. Of course. You can literally stand outside of my house and watch the dials on my power meter spin this time of year.
• Santas - we have a bleached Santa, one who makes me think about sodder and wonder if he would melt in the flame of a... anyway, we have an Irish one (or two, I think I forgot to photo one), a Santa busily doing taxes, and coundown Santa. Plus a few others I've forgotten to photograph, now that I look around.
• We have nativity scenes in each of the kid's room along with the figures from when I was little (Good old Gloria, still hanging around above the manger.) Christmas pictures, of course. (Although my Mom made that victorian one so I do really like that.)
• Candles... I didn't photograph all of the candles but they're everywhere. I usually don't have 90% of them lit.
• Wreaths... lots of wreaths, on every door in the house. EVERY door. And the bows in the bathroom - well let's just say that every year I call up Suzy and complain that "...they're baaaaaaaaack"
• The grand finale... the lights above the kitchen cabinet. A few years ago we re-did the kitchen and added on the family room. It was pretty much an ordeal that lasted from the beginning of October to Christmas Eve, literally. (Linoleum issues I don't care to specify) Well when he decided to DRILL A HOLE in the brand new cabinets over the microwave, so that he could plug in his lighted garland, I lost my mind. I literally left the house.

It won't be long until it's all packed away. THIS is why I have a full attic.

So many of my friends are having a difficult time this Christmas. John, I wish I could take you out for a cup of coffee and just listen to stories and help somehow. Beth, my heart aches for you and your family, beyond words. Mark and Anne, my thoughts are with you. K, I hope you sail through your medical stuff this time around - you know you have a special place in my heart.

I have one or two truly TRULY close friends who mean the world to me. Do I count Suzy? She's my sister. We are lucky to have the kind of relationship that a sisterhood can be. I can lay all my junk on the table (figuratively, no, I don't have junk JV...) and say "here". She doesn't always just rush to say "you should do this" or shy away from the problems where there might not be an answer apparent right now.

Sometimes the best thing you can do for a person is to just hear what they have to say, and acknowledge that yes, I know you feel this, and it sucks, and I would give anything to change it, but even though we both know I can't, I will still listen any time you need to talk about it. You can tell me anything, let your guard down and take the mask off, and I won't be disappointed in you. I am blessed to have a couple of people in my life who let me take off my mask when I need to, and even more blessed to be able to do the same thing for them.

There are people who give me hope. Little Nolan, and the happiness I feel for his parents. Also, knowing that across the ocean, a good friend of mine will marry and start to really attain the career he's been hoping to have in 2007. Sometimes things really DO have a happy ending. In the new year we will be able to spend so much more time with Suzy since she's rejoining the world of the daytime shift-ers. The kids are just THRILLED.

I wish for you all, PEACE in your family gatherings, the comfort of a close friend that you can open your heart to, and hope for a better day in 2007.

A Nifty Gifty

If you have lots of current digital pictures, or can scan some old ones, click on over here and check this out.

I made a gorgeous linen-cover book (if I do say so myself) with photos belonging to my mother and father in law, for $30. Their parents, cousins, grandmothers. Many faces that are no longer here.

I made paperback copies for $10 apiece. Fairly easy to do and it will be a showstopper.

Driving Kids Crazy 101

So, I have this thing about the supermarket parking lot being too much like an Indy car race. I insist that the kids keep one hand on the cart while I'm walking to the car because people are whipping around in every direction. I frown on those needless trips to the E.R. (Suzy doesn't like to go there on her day off)

Okay, my kid is 12 now and she probably doesn't NEED to do this.

Today when she sort of rolled her eyes at me I started rapping (yes, rapping) "Put your hand, put your hand on the cart." The next line was pretty funny but of course since I'm senile I've forgotten it now. Dan got into it with part of the Scranton rap song.

She's no slouch. She never missed a step, just started talking aloud. "So, I'm adopted. At least I know for sure now. I wonder where my real family lives."

Caroling, Caroling we will go

... with 30 children from an elementary school choir? Aaaieeeee.

Dear Mommies that strolled along behind the pack and chatted away, while I was sprinting ahead, trying to keep your kids from running out into traffic: thanks bunches.

Smooches,
Carly

Ooops

Oops #1 - Was heading over to school, waiting for the car ahead of me to turn at a traffic light, onto main street. Tapped on horn because It Isn't Going to Get Any Greener, Pal. Realized immediately that I was right behind our town's shiny new, unmarked white police car. Realized next that an ambulance is racing down the main street, toward us, and I didn't hear the sirens because my Sirius radio's turned up too high. Grin sheepishly at Officer McPleaseDon'tTicketMe, as he flashes me a peace sign out his window. Yeah, um... Hi. Doing a great job there buddy - keep at it.

Oops #2 - crack small joke about band to a teacher I know and realize I should shut up, because my kids are in the band and all that. Actually the joke was about the co-instructor who sits in the middle of the band and pretends he's one of the kids, but whatever. Open mouth, insert sneaker. (Glare at infamously smartalec boy who seems to have an interest in my daughter. Don't even think about it, you little twit. I'll kill ya - - - and yes JV before you say it, I know when she is 17 she probably WILL date him. Thanks a bunch.)

Ooops #3 -
Traveling over narrow bridge to take a shortcut home - move over slightly because A BUS IS COMING AT ME... aaaaaa! Remember that The Bridge Really Is Wide Enough just as I hear this heart-sinking scrrrrrrrraping sound. It's minor. I can deny, deny, deny that I have any idea where that scrape came from. Dork.


PS: There is surely a special place in the next life for teachers who teach elementary school students BAND. To be able to patiently keep time, and not wince at the stray notes, that is a talent and a gift.

Cookies of the day

These cookies are sooooo good (if you make them with unsalted butter!!) - my brother in law asks for them regularly every Christmas when we decorate our trees.

By the way, if you double the recipe add one more teaspoon of scotch for the mix, and one for the baker....

Survivin'

Arrrgh.

I just realized I forgot that Survivor wrapped up last night. Oh well.

It was the end of a REALLY long day and I just didn't make it.

It started at church where I was the ONLY alto. Uh oh. And our first song had - ta dah- an alto solo. But of course. So I begged a couple of sopranos to help me. But it set the tone for the rest of the day... scramble.

I had to buy more gifts so I headed out - stopped by my Mom's to give her the presents Suzy and I bought for my kids (thank YOU Suzy for braving the mall on saturday to buy clothes with them, that I know will FIT and they LIKE !!) . Mom made a uniform for my daughter's American Girl doll, just like what my daughter wears to school. It looks adorable.

I hit Target and somehow fell into a time void. I was there quite a while but got the other stuff on my list, including a snowboard for my crazy little man (he of the newly aquired shirt "remember my name, so you can tell the doctor" picturing a 'boarder)

Same stop off at my mother in law, to give HER the gifts we got for my kids. Hmm. How IS she going to wrap a snowboard? Uh oh. Better go get a big gift bag for her.

Then I had bills to write (ugh) and PTA stuff to do and ...where did the evening go? I know things are crazy when I'm checking my mail in the morning before work and have 3 or 4 new things....

Too much to dough

It's cookie day... I have (unsalted) butter softening all over the place, and about 15 lbs of flour, along with nuts, sprinkles, you name it. I'm going to bake all afternoon and evening. Or until I fall down.

(What I really really want to do is sit and watch the entire DVD of the British version of the Office, whilst drinking a nice glass of wine.)

I am listening to A Dave Brubeck Christmas (all piano...) and I have my yankee candle going (mistletoe).

The new mixer is being put to work. I'm getting dough all over myself trying to scrape down the sides because then the paddle is in the way.... anyway. Just something to get used to.

Hope you're in better shape with your Christmas preparations than I am! I still have a little bit of shopping AND all of my wrapping to do.

Bend your ear this way

So I was talking to Suzy today and I mentioned that I told the kids they could get me a few things and I mumbled what they were - a cranberry Yankee candle, some bath & body works stuff, and a page a day calendar. I can't remember exactly how I phrased it but suddenly Suzy exclaimed "What??!!"

When I repeated myself she started laughing and told me "I thought you asked for a f-cking P. Diddy calendar. I was going to say, WHO ARE YOU?"

***

I was going to buy the PERFECT gift for my nephew this year. I saw a Polish Christmas Carols karaoke CD in one of my many catalogs. Our part of the family isn't Polish, but his Mom is, so he's really into that and he loves to sing and has a K machine, blah blah blah...

The damn thing is sold out. I procrastinated too long. Then I found it on another website and can't seem to ORDER it on the website. I tried their 1-800 number and it's answered by short silence, then the beep of an answering machine.

Underwood

I don't think I could bring myself to wear this but my father had one of these and probably still does.

How I could remember that it was an Underwood, when I can't remember what I did last Friday at work, is as baffling to me as how I could remember all of the Yaz lyrics after (sigh) about 25 years.

(PS, Suzy, I want it someday, but will share)

Yazoo

So Grace over at Have You Met Me mentioned Yaz and it reminded me about some songs I loved in college.

I downloaded my four or five favorites to my ipod (take the four or five most popular, like Only You and Don't Go, but make sure you get Midnight) and was dancing around making an ass of myself while I cleaned up our hovel, um, house.

My daughter looked at me with THAT look and said "what ARE you listening to?" and I replied "Yaz."

The look on her face was hilarious. In a split second I connected the dots, and sheepishly said "No, not the birth control... the band...when I was in college... nevermind" She proceeded to give me an on-the-spot theory about the BCP's being invented by a scientist my age and maybe it was HIS favorite band too. Who knows? That's my babygirl.

Of course, she also pointed out to me (between recorded episodes of Rob and Big, while we were sick and watching tv together the other day - I love Meaty)

... that I am older than the Grinch.


PS: holy crap... is electropop an early precursor to techno? Poly?

Fuzz Navidad

Dear Guy I Barely Know who sat near me at our big office division's Christmas luncheon today:

Listen. You seem harmless enough, as programmers go. Nerdy introverts, I can deal with.

But when I caught sight of your chest hair PUFFING out of the v-neck of your polo shirt, it ruined a really nice prime rib meal* for me. It's one thing if a few stray hairs poke out of there, but really... what you have going on looks like a clog I might pull out of my vacuum if I had 4 persian cats. If you were eye candy I might be singing an entirely different tune. The fact that it's WHITE hair because you are 10 or more years older than me only gives me additional dry heaves. For a moment I wondered if you have a pet sugar glider.

I swear to you, GIBK, start buttoning that polo shirt at least part way, or I will leap over the table at you with my corporate issue stapler and fix the problem once and for all.

Happy Holidays,
Carly


(*This was doubly distressing for me because I have not eaten a decent meal in 3 or 4 days due to my little karma issue. No, I didn't get sick at either party, the one I ran saturday or the one I attended today. But I've been sick for almost every moment inbetween. One of those "dear sweet lord please take me now and end this" things. )

Suzy Got Her Sparkle Back

Suzy has always wanted to skate at Rockefeller Plaza - this year she finally did it!

Just as background, she skated competitively while she was in high school. Meaning every year I was dragged, er, I got to go to on vacation in Lake Placid in the stark, bleak deadness of January winter. (I hate winter. Have I mentioned that? and back then, some 15-20 years ago, it was always FREEEEEZING up there and I was up to my ass in snow every time. Bleahhh.) She even toured with Disney on Ice in the chorus line for a while. (We saw that show several times because they passed through our town. It was a complete blast but I had Peter Pan songs stuck in my head for a week. We're following the leader, the leader, the leader....)

Anyway, this past weekend she took a train to NYC with a couple of friends and checked this adventure off her wish list. She has not been looking forward to this Christmas since she's going to be working ten billion hours and all, so this was just what she needed.

She said the rink is about 1/3 the size of a typical rink. She waited an hour but then was able to skate for about two and a half hours and absolutely had a blast. The weather was perfect - it was in the 50's there this weekend.

Sorry guys, no little skating dress... and you can't see her REAL smile here, because I'm clinging to my delusion that this blog is somewhat anonymous still, but she was grinning from ear to ear. Yay, Suzy!!!

Post Secret

If you've never read Post Secret, now is a great time to start. Buy a book and help Frank keep the site up and running Ad-free.

Karma hath smiteth me

... NOW it's my kid.

but at least he barfed (repeatedly) in the comfort of our own home, without 500 witnesses. We have to take these victories where we find them.

I'm off to the washing machine... any takers on a bet that I will barf in the middle of my Important Gathering tonight? It would be almost poetic, huh? And messy and embarrassingly inopportune.

Stay tuned.

In the meantime, I suggest this game.

White Christmas

I'm busy making a cake and counting tickets and talking to newspaper reporters. (No, I didn't get arrested again, and so there will be no file baked into the cake... I am running a social function tomorrow and will be OVERJOYED when it's over.)

In the meantime you can watch this. It's only semi amusing until about the middle, but then it's hilarious. Just watch the white reindeer.

Good times

selling raffle tickets at school Christmas concert: (earned) $200

bottle of water: $1

watching a 1st grader* throw up RIGHT NEXT TO the piano player: priceless



*not my kid !!!

Oh no, she didn't

Rachel Ray has a Christmas CD out??? No, she's not singing.... but she did include Dominick The Donkey, by Lou Monte.

(Sigh. Here we go again, my google friends... so here are the Dominic The Donkey Lyrics. )

At least my kids haven't sung it to me yet this year.

howdy

Crazy times my friends... crazy busy and running in 3 ways at once.

• shopping - 2/3 done
• cards - ditto
• cookies - not a crumb MADE yet, but the ingredients are in my cupboard... I'm adding a new one, with dried cherries and oatmeal (and tiny chocolate chips, perhaps)
• school obligations a plenty this week, then things simmer down to a dull 75 mph or so
  

PS - Marco - guess what I am doing New Year's Eve? My best friend and I are taking our kids BOWLING from 4-6 pm and then we're all hanging at her house (with the fireplace and big screen tv, and plenty of takeout food, natch). Me, bowling. You heard it here first

;-)

I got your HO HO HO right here...

So, I never heard of Rick Reilly, but this is cool. (I go for semi-geeks...not jocks... sorry. So who is he, really? I mean I get that he has a column now, but... background??)

I am about 2/3 done with my Christmas cards. Yes, I put the envelopes through my printer. SO what? I have about 10 left to do.

I am also about 2/3 finished with my Christmas shopping, thanks to a new family agreement to buy just for the kids. (I'm cheating a little but not much. I'm making photo books on Snapfish.com for some of the grownups with old old family pictures. Check it out. ) The only problem is that I end up buying most of my family's gifts for my kids, but that's a relatively minor problem for me, control freak extraordinaire.

I bought my son the cooooolest toy ever. THIS is going to freak him right out. (Go ahead, go look. I'll wait. If you have lots of time, read the snarky comments. Yes, you, Poly.) Anyway, I bought him the percussion tubes because they're cheaper AND a little cooler.

Next job... deciding what cookies to make. Definitely Oatmeal Scotchies but I haven't decided what else. (Yes, they really do have scotch in them, plus white chips and butterscotch chips... my family demands them every year; they must be available to consume the day we decorate the trees. YES, trees, plural. I'm not really in the mood to talk about why our small home requires TWO trees.)

I like my treadmill, but the klutz key is starting to piss me off. I bump it by mistake with my hand, snag the string, WHAM, the whole program is reset to zero. Can't you just PAUSE? Oy. Otherwise, loving the treadmill. (I sneak out there when I get a phone call - yesterday Suzy thought I was WAY more upset about a problem than I actually was - I had to explain that I was on the treadmill and THAT's why I was hyperventilating. Then I slowed the speed down a little.)

Is it January yet?

You'll put yer eye out, kid

My son inadvertently helped me with today's entry by showing me this Rocket Fishing Rod.

Um, yeah.

Sure baby, Mommy will buy you a GUN that shoots A FISHHOOK. Uh huh.

This catalog has everything, including this tshirt: (buy here )